The Knifes Edge

:
In the fifties and sixties a man by the name of Jean Paul Sartre came to the attention of the world with his inspired and (for the time) radical philosophies on life, the universe and everything. He was the father of what is called existentialism, an approach to living that some say could be summarised as 'shit happens, deal with it'..

Existentialsim covers a great many principles. For me one of the most important is the idea that life is a balancing act between ever opposing fluid polarities. Polarities like serving our own interests or the interests of others, adapting to our environment or influencing it to our own desires, seeking instant gratification or being disciplined towards a greater goal.We are faced every day with choices, a constant to and fro of give and take. Sartre asserts that this is the nature of life, and that this gives rise to what he called 'existential angst', which is a constant state of dynamic anxiety that invigorates and challenges us. He also speculated that the attempt to avoid this 'angst, to create an illusory sense of safety, is at the core of all true suffering and neuroticism in the human condition. This was illustrated brilliantly to me the other night when a character in a television show delivered the line "We're all scared. If you're not scared, you're not paying attention".

The ideal of existentialism is that we should live in a state of paying attention to the moment, looking life in the face and not shrinking from it's realities. This, according to Sartre, gives us the capacity to live in a truly authentic and empowered way. Only in this state can we arrive at a place of what I call 'existential contentment', where we are happy to allow life to bring whatever it brings, secure in the knowledge that we will respond in powerful and creative ways.

But therein lies the problem, for many of us are NOT secure in such knowledge. Many do not experience themselves as resourceful, able and powerful. We believe ourselves to be broken, dysfunctional and inadequate to the task of living life. For many of us the experience of socialisation by our society and  the traumas of our life have robbed us of out natural confidence, the belief in our ability to meet life on it's terms.This is of course a catch 22. We cannot allow ourselves to face life in such a naked manner because we do not have confidence to face it's challenges - and we cannot discover our power to do so if we do not face life in this way.

One response to this situation that has impressed me is called Narrative Therapy. Pioneered by Michael White and others (based on the thinking of Sartre and other luminaries), this approach helps its clients to discover the resources and power that they are too often unaware of. Many of us fail to realise the myriad of powerful and creative ways we have always responded to life's challenges. White believes that no human being responds passively to trauma - that no matter how overwhelming and damaging the event is, we always do the best we can to protect and maintain the things that are precious to us. He asserts that every human being has innate core values that truly define who we are, values that we defend at all costs, though often in unseen and subtle ways.

This is a powerful idea, because if we are willing to take it on and look at the myriad ways in which we have fought to sustain the things that are precious to us, it can entirely change the way we see ourselves. No longer can I identify purely as a victim of life's circumstances. No more can I subscribe entirely to a view of myself as powerless, or totally deny responsibility for the way my world is.

He calls this the 'other half' of the trauma story. Certainly there are bad things that have happened to us, and the feelings of isolation, powerlesssness and confusion that always accompany trauma and repression. But there is also the actions that we have taken to preserve, protect and continue our true self in response to those things. Actions that, when seen, prove to be amazingly powerful, creative and courageous. Actions that allow us to look back on these events and witness not just the horror and the pain, but our own heroism and resilience in the face of overwhelming power.

For, to reflect the philosophy of Sartre, life on planet earth isn't always pretty..It's now comforting for me to look back over the years, with all the trials and tribulations that have threatened to overwhelm me. I realise that somehow I must have found a way to face them and come through with the most important parts of me intact, the values that are dear to my heart. If I've been able to do that for over forty years, working with limited knowledge, then I'll probably manage to face the next forty reasonably well given the benefit of all that added experience.

So, not for me the path of illusory safety and insulation, the neurotic attempts to try and bring life under control and tame it. I say give me the knife's edge. Bring it on, warts and all.The pain, the pleasure, the joy and the sadness, the love and the loss. It's certainly been an interesting ride so far, wouldn't want to miss the rest of it. The reason I can pursue such a philosophy, daring to face life on it terms knowing that it will bring both triumph and disappointment, is because  I know that through it all there is something inside of me that will always respond in powerful, creative and self sustaining ways. Something I call grace.

To echo the wisdom of Jena Paul Sartre, "we all die, and we die alone" - but we don't have to live that way.