Food, glorious food

Food, Glorious Food

For as long as I can remember I have battled with a food addiction. It has been the defining negative behaviour of my life, my great nemesis, my own personal Moby Dick. Like Moby Dick it seems to lurk in the unseen depths, leaping up suddenly to wreak havoc and destruction on my world. I meet it with futile rage, powerless in the face of it majesty and absolute refusal to submit to my wishes and demands. Though I speak about it with a satirical edge of drama, it has been a serious source of suffering for me. I have woken every day to find it dominating my thoughts, controlling my actions, and impacting on my health, wellbeing and self esteem.

No attempts to address it have ever worked. A long line of therapists, books, practices, diets, mind changing methodologies, 12 step programs and other desperations have failed miserably. Over time I had become aware that the harder I tried to 'handle' it, the worse it became. The more I tried to control it, the stronger it got. Eventually we arrived at a uneasy truce where I gave in by simply not trying to manage it, merely hoping each day that it would not cause too great a problem for me. I was a beaten man, suffering my pain in a miasma of silent debilitating shame and confusion. Welcome to the dark side of my life.

However, you may notice that I am writing in the past tense. this weekend gone, that all changed. Today I am a man released from a terrible imprisonment, no longer gripped by the iron fist of self hatred. What has freed me is a simple realisation, a moment of blinding insight that left me laughing stupidly in joy and wonder. Want to know what it is? (I'm teasing).

JOY. My addiction is the manifestation of repressed joy. Far from the terrible trauma or shameful secret I imagined it to be - at the core of this behaviour is a delicious, delectable, degustatory deluge of delight. I LOVE FOOD. I absolutely adore food, in all its forms (OK, not shellfish). I love it's sweetness, it's tang, its texture and its taste. Food is one of the great joys of my life, one of the major benefits of being in a body on planet Earth. I mean, seriously, I know that 'breatharians' and others who stick to regimens of dietary purity are reputed to live long lives, but why bother. If the cost of such longevity is the denial of such pleasure I really cant see the point.

Food, Glorious Food. Food brings me incredible joy, and the only reason I've been overdoing it for all these years is that I have not been allowing myself to have that joy, to en-joy my food. Why? Because the messages I received as a small child around the enjoyment of food were extremely negative. "Don't be a guts", "you'll get fat", "Don't let anyone see you", "be moderate", "watch your weight", "Don't be greedy", "always leave some on your plate" and so forth. My simple joy was turned by these into a shameful secret. By the time I was 12 years old I used to sneak out when everyone else had gone to bed and eat where no one could see me enjoy it, then crawl back to bed feeling ashamed and guilty but finally satisfied.

I have thought all my life that the problem was this eating that I needed to control, while all along the problem has been the belief that I needed to control my eating. Since making this discovery I haven't been overeating at all. Now when I eat, I sit down and really enjoy it. By allowing myself to finally have my joy, to receive the gift of this human life, I naturally stop eating at the point where I'm satisfied. I no longer need to run back for seconds and thirds because the child in me has been allowed his simple joys without being berated and repressed. Since making this discovery the weight has been gradually coming off, not because I try to 'lose it' through diet and exercise, but because I no longer overeat and I naturally want to live an active life. This is life the way grace designed it to be, an instinctive and effortless balancing act that requires no interference from a frightened mind.

In other words - enjoying my food isn't the problem - it's the solution. the problem was in not trusting myself, not trusting nature, not trusting grace and not trusting joy. So I hope you will join me in celebrating my new found freedom, and maybe even find some hidden joy of your own.

In Joy I trust.

The Satan Game

A dear friend of mine recently invited me along to see a 'teacher' they are in to. Reluctantly I agreed, only to find my reluctance justified. Don't get me wrong , I think teachers are fine and have benefited greatly from sitting with many people who were able to connect me more deeply to grace and to myself. But not all teachers are equal. In my experience their are two types of teacher. The first are those who, from their  own grace and knowing, facilitate us in the discovery of ourselves. The second being those who are playing, or are caught in, what I call the "Satan Game".

The Satan game is both very simple and highly complex. It is simple in that it boils down to one simple message: "You are not okay the way you are, and you need to be fixed/changed/evolved or in some way improved". It is complex because it invariably involves a huge edifice of complicated and seductive theories, levels, practices and lessons that must be learnt in order for us to earn our way back into love/bliss/redemption or power. Of course, all this arcane knowledge we apparently require can only be gained at the discretion of the guru/master/teacher who has the inside scoop on deep secrets that transcend everybody else's inferior or 'less evolved' understandings. Usually, but not always, this involves handing over large amounts of money. It always involves handing over large amounts of personal power.

This one was no exception. A self declared reincarnation of Jesus (3rd one I've met so far), this particular character proceeded to enlighten us with the knowledge that he was the only being to ever transition the entire 22 dimensions of God's universe and return to Earth. Of course, the rest of us slobs were only at the first level along with the billions of other spirits stuck in this desperate purgatory. But have no fear, with the aid of his deep wisdom that no one else has access to (of course) we would soon be be able to rocket to the head of the queue and achieve the heady bliss awaiting the devoted at level 22.

Now I've seen quite a few of these guys over the years, but this one was probably the most impressive in terms of having the act down. After a while you get to recognise the tricks of the trade.

Step 1: Establish some sort of entirely unprovable 'spiritual authority' (i.e. I'm Jesus).
Step 2: Speak the predictable 'objections' of the audience (an old door to door sales trick).
Step 3: Establish the idea that the audience are 'free to choose' and that the presenter is in no way attached to the audience members choices (actually, only the really good ones do this).
Step 4: Create the context in which anyone who is 'close minded' or 'resistant' is just working through their 'stuff' or denying themselves the growth and learning they really need. This particular teacher managed to imply that anyone who expressed objections was committing an unloving act on the rest of the audience (Always nice to see something new).
Step 5: Deal with all questions or challenges by a process of 'engulfment'. this means that rather than argue with the challenger the presenter acknowledges what their saying in such a way that it makes it seem the challengers ideas are valid, but a 'lower' form of understanding.
Step 6: Once having quelled all audience dissent, proceed to establish that the audience members reality is an inferior experience, implying that this is because of some flaw or limitation in their understanding or evolution.
Step 7: Proceed to outline the path by which the listener may redeem themselves to the heights of spiritual ecstasy as defined by the presenter. Of course, this path is a deep and mysterious thing that cannot never be fully described or understood, but must be experienced under the guidance of the teacher.

Or something like that. There are a few other things to look out for. There will always be enough 'truth' in the teachings to get them past casual inspection and make them seem superficially attractive. The good ones will appear humble, simple and sincere (they may even be sincere in their belief - that why I call it the Satan game - the deception can be at any level). There will always be the promise of being special or privileged, an attractive idea to the wounded egos that are drawn to these teachers. Last but not least, none of the teachings will ever be provable or backed up by empirical evidence and you will almost always be encouraged to 'go beyond' your mind and 'transcend' or 'release' any feelings that might be objecting to the program. Though the very best will also 'engulf' rather than oppose these.

See what I mean about highly complicated? Fortunately, there is a simple way to tell the difference. If we assume for a minute that the universe is the manifestation of a loving Creator, would such a being really do this to their creations? Would a loving God create all these tests and trials? the idea that happiness can only be found by leaping though extraordinary spiritual hoops is absurd. The premise that any one being would be of greater worth or value than another is sick. The concept that we would have to strive against impossible odds and unearth hidden secrets that are only revealed to a few 'special ones' is basically cruel. If you were God, would you do this to your children?

No is the answer. There is only one 'truth' we ever need to know. "We are BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT, just the way we ARE". Every problem we can ever have, every moment of suffering we can ever know, comes from forgetting that simple truth. All the horrible things we do to ourselves and each other come from the simple fact that we have come to believe something different to this. In the moment that I accept this truth everything else falls away. I can no longer believe in 'levels' of love or spiritual attainment. I can no longer see myself or others as broken and in need of fixing. I can no longer see my reality as something that needs to be transcended or transformed. I can, in that knowledge, only be who I am.

So what is the purpose of the Satan Game? To hide the simple truth that we are OK just as we are. It has to be complicated, seductive, and full of outlandish promises or we'd see though it too easily. Why does it exist? Beats me, I only know that it does, and that it is easily seen through with a single question. Does what this person is saying connect me to the knowledge that I'm OK, or does it try to convince me that I'm not?


Together we rise

Seek and you shall . . . . seek?

I live in Byron Bay, the California of Australia. replete with sunshine, great surf, fabulous weather, high unemployment and every imaginable type of therapist, healer, workshop and spiritual pursuit. A veritable 'seekers' paradise. Let me define what I mean by a seeker. Seekers are a subculture of privileged western society who are in search of spiritual attainment. The stated goal of a seeker is this indefinable thing thing called enlightenment. Why indefinable? Because if you can't define it, you can't know when you've attained it.

Seekers congregate in places like Byron Bay, Los Angeles and Goa because the lifestyle is excellent and no one expects you to have a job. If one is going to be seeking, it might as well be somewhere comfortable and enjoyable. Seekers drink coffee or green tea in little street side cafes where they meet with other seekers. Seekers have tried every sort of spiritual practice, sat with every guru, done dozens of workshops, seen every sort of therapist, and try to make a little extra cash to supplement the welfare cheque by offering their services as whatever sort of healer they can claim to be.Seekers do yoga, have numerous short term relationships, experiment with Tantric sex, despise religion, protest against capitalism and governments, talk about how they would have an electric car if they could afford one and tell you their big dreams of living sustainable lives.

I used to be a seeker. Hell, why not? It sure beat working for a living, the women have great bodies (all that yoga) and 'progressive' attitudes towards sex, and as long as you talk endlessly about saving the world from those dirty capitalist dogs no one expects you to actually make some sort of contribution or assume any sort of responsibility. It's a cruisy life, a sort of spiritual hedonism with the added benefit of getting to think you're one of the 'special ones'. Homo superior just waiting for the rest of the world to catch up with your spiritual development and recognise your trailblazing wisdom.

The problem is that I did, quite by accident, the one thing that a seeker is never allowed to do. I found. "Wait a minute" I hear you say, Isn't that the goal of every seeker? Well actually, NO. The goal of a seeker is to seek. Ceaseless, vigorous, determined seeking. If you actually find what you are apparently seeking you lose all the benefits of being a seeker. No more spiritual ego trips and delusions of superiority. No more free ride at the expense of those 'normals' you so deftly deride. No more excuses for transient relationships that you really can't commit to because they might interfere with your 'spiritual progression'. No more grandiose delusions of saving the world to compensate for your almost total lack of usefulness and contribution.

The problem with actually 'finding' is in what you 'find'. Finding is not an achievement or a triumph. Not an elevation to sainthood or eternal freedom from pain and suffering. Not a free ride to wealth, sex and power. Not the attainment of magical powers and mystical wisdom. Finding is the simple realisation that you are just like everyone else. Just as divine, glorious and amazing as everyone else. Just as deluded, selfish, violent and flawed as everyone else. Just as capable of love and of evil. Just as frightened, just as deceitful, just as noble, just as responsible for the state of things, just as small and powerless, just as creative and resourceful, just as dependent on the good will of others, just as capable of kindness.

Finding does bring freedom, but it brings tremendous responsibility too. The freedom it brings is freedom from the need to be special, to be different, to be perfect, to be superior, to be extraordinary. The responsibility it brings is to play you part in the great game of creation, to contribute, to love, to ease the burden of others, to look after yourself, to cry for your suffering and the pain of your brother, to make the world a better place because of your presence in it.

Seeking is easy. It's merely the act of an immature ego inflating itself with dreams of separation, specialness and the easy way out. Finding is hard. Its the surrender of a mature ego to the realities of life and the responsibilities of love. So how do you 'find'? Simple - you stop seeking. You recognise that your seeking is a trick you are playing on yourself. Nothing more than a fantasy you use to distract yourself from what is right in front of you - life. A Course in Miracles calls seeking 'delaying tactics'. Trying to put off the moment in which the ego must surrender it'a attempt to 'rule' the kingdom and take up its alloted service role.

That which is real has never been hidden, never been lost, never been obscured from our view. It is simple reality. Sometimes joyful and exciting, sometimes hard and daunting.So why, you may ask, should we stop seeking and simply 'find' what has always been in front of us? Because it is the only way that peace and happiness can ever be ours. Heaven is not the absence of pain, difficulty and effort. It is the willingness, the bravery, to respond to them with love. It is the adventure of life, faced with simple courage, and the supporting hand of grace. But grace can only help those who are prepared to give up the isolation of egotism and specialness, and rejoin the ranks of our shared humanity. Grace is only present in that which is real.

The Invitation - stop seeking, FIND.

Together we rise.

The REAL Law of Attraction

So I guess you've seen 'The Secret', or read one of the many books available on how you can use the so called 'law of attraction' to make your dreams come true. A little positive thinking, some creative visualisation and a few affirmations should have you driving that shiny new Porsche in no time at all - and without any effort, work or outlay either. After all, you are the creative force of the universe aren't you? You can have anything you want, use the power of God at your whim, remake reality to your liking with a single thought, right?

Oh, but hang on a minute. That's not really the experience you've been having is it? Nor does it seem to be anyone else's experience. Must be those pesky negative beliefs getting in the way. Maybe you just need to work harder at those self affirming affirmations, be more vigilant about watching those annoying self sabotage thoughts (where'd they come from?), make your visualisations more vivid and emotionally engaging. Of course if all that fails, it doesn't really mean it isn't true, it's just that the universe is having to teach you more lessons before the gates of wealth and power open to you.

It has to be true. All those people selling you these ideas and concepts seem to be doing all right. Then again, they do seem to be using your money to do it. Strange that. If their so good at all this manifesting, why do they need to sell you all these expensive training programs, books and DVD's to make their dreams come true. But it just has to be true, doesn't it. If it isn't true, if all this power is not yours to use, then who are you? Just another human being getting pushed around by the big bad world,  having to slave away at a job just like everyone else? Merely another normal person facing all the trials and tribulations of this unpredictable, overwhelming, difficult little life.

Well, perhaps neither of these realities is entirely true. Maybe there is a middle path. It's possible that we do in fact have a part to play in the great story of creation, that we do have some power over what comes our way - just perhaps not as much as we would like to think. It's also possible that we have some limitations to deal with, that reality requires something of us before it rewards us with our dreams fulfilled. Maybe it's not really us who are making the rules here. 

After all, imagine for a minute a reality in which your every desire is instantly fulfilled, and so is everyone else's. We're going to need a lot of super models, expensive cars, big houses and platinum credit cards. If everyone is rolling in it, who's going to serve us our double espresso latte in the morning? Who cleans the toilets, changes the babies nappy, does the really hard jobs, or the boring ones? If everyone has three investment properties, who's renting them? you don't have to think about this very far to realise that there's a pretty big hole in this Utopian ideal. For your reality to be everlasting ease and comfort, someone else's has to really suck. So, what's wrong with being merely human anyway?

John Bradshaw, in his book "healing the shame that binds you", gives us something of a clue about all this. He calls it the shame bound personality problem. An identity bound in what he calls 'toxic shame' cannot accept itself as it is, cannot live with the limitations of being human, so it wanders ceaselessly between the polarities of devastating shame and absolute shamelessness. Such a person is bouncing between perceiving themselves as a subhuman, disgusting worthless failure or a superhuman invincible success story with the power of God at their fingertips.

Why can't they stand to know themselves as just a normal human? Because the trauma's of their life have left them feeling profoundly ashamed. Ashamed of not living up to the expectations of others. Ashamed of not being able to defend themselves (or others) against the assaults they've experienced. Ashamed of not having been able to heal the perpetrators of those assaults who are usually parents or loved ones. Ashamed, Ashamed, Ashamed. An seemingly unbearable, unresolvable, unforgiveable feeling of not being OK. Better then to escape, to lose oneself in a fantasy of ultimate power and ultimate fulfillment.

But this blog is not about healing the shame that drives us to such dreams. It's about the Real Law of Attraction. Because it's true that we are creative - that the universe bends to our will. It's just that our will is not under the control of our ego. We cannot make our will (which is the will of God inside of us) submit to the authority of a mere personality, of a mind caught in delusions of grandeur and shame. It is our ego that must surrender to IT if we wish to become happy and fulfilled. This is not a random universe, ruled by tantrum throwing personalities screaming for instant gratification. It is a universe of order and of love, where we each serve each other like the cells of our body serve one another.

The real law of attraction is simply this - "our reality will aways reflect our consciousness, whether we like it or not". Every unhealed wound will bring exactly the situation that is needed to re-trigger it, so that you may have another opportunity to heal. Every mistaken belief will manifest in a vivid four dimensional technicolor life experience to be reviewed. Every attempt to escape yourself will come crashing down around you so that you might once more choose to turn and face what your really are. Every attempt to defend, insulate and avoid the reality of your true state of being will fail, usually in spectacular and shocking fashion.

If we think you can manipulate this simple truth with affirmations, visualisations and positive self talk we are sadly, devastatingly mistaken. God is not so easy to fool. Grace is no sucker to be conned. Reality is not a toy that exists for the gratification of immature ego's.

So - would you be happy and fulfilled? At peace with yourself and your life? then stop trying to change your reality, which is the greatest teacher you could ever have, and start changing your mind. Find out who you really are. Do the things you really love. Share the gifts you have been given. Uplift others with your positive words. Live the passions that make you feel alive and excited. Do the work that is before you. Play your part in the great scheme of creation and creation will give you everything you have ever needed (but maybe not everything you have ever wanted).

Do you want to know the real secret? There is no secret. Never has been. Never will be. What a cruel trick that would be. For a loving creator to fill his children with the desire for  happiness and then withhold from them the knowledge of how to attain it. That knowledge is built into every cell of your body. The truth and wisdom you seek has always been there, freely available. People have been shouting it at you for years. However, you will have to give up illusions of control, delusions of specialness, and the idea that you can somehow take from life more than you give to it. Nature isn't stupid, and she holds all the cards.

Together We Rise.

The Knifes Edge

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In the fifties and sixties a man by the name of Jean Paul Sartre came to the attention of the world with his inspired and (for the time) radical philosophies on life, the universe and everything. He was the father of what is called existentialism, an approach to living that some say could be summarised as 'shit happens, deal with it'..

Existentialsim covers a great many principles. For me one of the most important is the idea that life is a balancing act between ever opposing fluid polarities. Polarities like serving our own interests or the interests of others, adapting to our environment or influencing it to our own desires, seeking instant gratification or being disciplined towards a greater goal.We are faced every day with choices, a constant to and fro of give and take. Sartre asserts that this is the nature of life, and that this gives rise to what he called 'existential angst', which is a constant state of dynamic anxiety that invigorates and challenges us. He also speculated that the attempt to avoid this 'angst, to create an illusory sense of safety, is at the core of all true suffering and neuroticism in the human condition. This was illustrated brilliantly to me the other night when a character in a television show delivered the line "We're all scared. If you're not scared, you're not paying attention".

The ideal of existentialism is that we should live in a state of paying attention to the moment, looking life in the face and not shrinking from it's realities. This, according to Sartre, gives us the capacity to live in a truly authentic and empowered way. Only in this state can we arrive at a place of what I call 'existential contentment', where we are happy to allow life to bring whatever it brings, secure in the knowledge that we will respond in powerful and creative ways.

But therein lies the problem, for many of us are NOT secure in such knowledge. Many do not experience themselves as resourceful, able and powerful. We believe ourselves to be broken, dysfunctional and inadequate to the task of living life. For many of us the experience of socialisation by our society and  the traumas of our life have robbed us of out natural confidence, the belief in our ability to meet life on it's terms.This is of course a catch 22. We cannot allow ourselves to face life in such a naked manner because we do not have confidence to face it's challenges - and we cannot discover our power to do so if we do not face life in this way.

One response to this situation that has impressed me is called Narrative Therapy. Pioneered by Michael White and others (based on the thinking of Sartre and other luminaries), this approach helps its clients to discover the resources and power that they are too often unaware of. Many of us fail to realise the myriad of powerful and creative ways we have always responded to life's challenges. White believes that no human being responds passively to trauma - that no matter how overwhelming and damaging the event is, we always do the best we can to protect and maintain the things that are precious to us. He asserts that every human being has innate core values that truly define who we are, values that we defend at all costs, though often in unseen and subtle ways.

This is a powerful idea, because if we are willing to take it on and look at the myriad ways in which we have fought to sustain the things that are precious to us, it can entirely change the way we see ourselves. No longer can I identify purely as a victim of life's circumstances. No more can I subscribe entirely to a view of myself as powerless, or totally deny responsibility for the way my world is.

He calls this the 'other half' of the trauma story. Certainly there are bad things that have happened to us, and the feelings of isolation, powerlesssness and confusion that always accompany trauma and repression. But there is also the actions that we have taken to preserve, protect and continue our true self in response to those things. Actions that, when seen, prove to be amazingly powerful, creative and courageous. Actions that allow us to look back on these events and witness not just the horror and the pain, but our own heroism and resilience in the face of overwhelming power.

For, to reflect the philosophy of Sartre, life on planet earth isn't always pretty..It's now comforting for me to look back over the years, with all the trials and tribulations that have threatened to overwhelm me. I realise that somehow I must have found a way to face them and come through with the most important parts of me intact, the values that are dear to my heart. If I've been able to do that for over forty years, working with limited knowledge, then I'll probably manage to face the next forty reasonably well given the benefit of all that added experience.

So, not for me the path of illusory safety and insulation, the neurotic attempts to try and bring life under control and tame it. I say give me the knife's edge. Bring it on, warts and all.The pain, the pleasure, the joy and the sadness, the love and the loss. It's certainly been an interesting ride so far, wouldn't want to miss the rest of it. The reason I can pursue such a philosophy, daring to face life on it terms knowing that it will bring both triumph and disappointment, is because  I know that through it all there is something inside of me that will always respond in powerful, creative and self sustaining ways. Something I call grace.

To echo the wisdom of Jena Paul Sartre, "we all die, and we die alone" - but we don't have to live that way.

Ironic Idolatry

 You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them  2nd Commandment, exodus, English translation

Of all the ten commandments allegedly given to Moses on Mount Sinai,this one has to be the most fiercely debated and most widely interpreted. The Catholic Church did away with it all together in the Catechism (catholic 'book of rules and interpretations') and has been making idols by the millions ever since. The Muslim world observes it strictly, forbidding any type of image or statue to be made that represents God, or any other form to be worshiped, yet elevates the words of the Quran to divine status. Orthodox and protestant religions allow the making of images, so long as they are not worshiped of themselves. Some Churches forbid representations of God, but allow images of Jesus on the grounds that they believe this is how god represented himself to humanity. Wars have been fought over it, religions split into factions, and thousands of hours of heated words have been passed because of it. It was the excuse for the violent suppression of paganism among other traditions, and for the colonisation of countries and continents.

The irony in all this is that religions obsession with this particular statement is a contradiction in terms. By giving it so much weight and import, the commandment itself has been turned into an idol, a thing of worship.  In the fight to give obeisance to the individual interpretations, the whole point of it has been lost. The question that so often goes unasked is this. Why? Why would God forbid the making and worshiping of Idols? If the purpose of the commandments is to protect his children from evil and sin, as it seems to be, how does this serve that purpose?

Answering this question leads to a couple of others, Firstly, what is God? Secondly, what is worship? The implications that this commandment has for the first question is that God is NOT anything that is made by man. The implications for the second question is that worship is a form of obeisance, of bowing down, of surrendering power and control to. Therefore to worship idols is to give power and authority to things that are not God, to invest value in things that have no intrinsic divinity. This is pretty obvious really, worshiping things made by our own hand is really quite silly. How could something that we created have more power or divinity than it's creator?The great joke is that religion itself is most often idolatry. In our seeking for divinity we so often invest our power and worship in the man made structures of religiousness - in building, books, teachings, priests, rules and regulations. In this way, religion separates us from God, leaves us chasing man made shadows and giving obeisance to a thing not truly divine.

Thus I call it Ironic Idolatry. The very thing that promises us a 'path' to Grace, leads us away into an empty worshiping of man made dreams. However, religion is not to blame for our idol worship. It is we who create religion, and we who choose to invest it with power. Why? Why did Moses's brother create the Golden Calf after the first revelation? Why does every great teacher and Prophet get turned into a religious Idol the moment they die. Why do we as a species insist on worshipping the things we create and animate, rather than that which creates and animates us? 

The problem seems to be in the worship, the act of surrendering control. While ever we are worshiping that which we have created, we  are actually (as its creator) still in control of it. It's a bit of a trick we like to play on ourselves - to pretend to give our obeisance to that which we can change and modify at our own whim. Worshipping God, on the other hand, seems terrifyingly out of control to us. Even the recognition of the existence of God as a reality, rather than a man made image or concept, is devastating to an ego who wishes to reign over what it considers it's creation. To genuinely contemplate, even for a moment, that from which we have emerged, which governs the turning of the stars and the beating of our hearts, is profoundly humbling and profoundly destructive to our image of ourselves as being able to control life.

If one sincerely answers the simple question "how much of my life, my self, my world, do I really control?", the reality of the divine becomes instantly undeniable and deeply threatening to an identity based in dreams of power. We control almost nothing, not our breath, not our brains, not our feelings, not our instincts, urges, abilities, preferences, desires, tendencies or talents.  Our SELF is handed to us whole and complete, and the only choice we get to make is whether or not we are going to go with it, or fight against it - perhaps not even that choice. Idol worship is done because it serves the purpose of keeping us from the knowledge of God, of  turning God into something that we think we have control over. "Better", says the fragile ego, "to reign in hell than serve in heaven'.

The obeisance we give to idols is a false one. We do not truly bow down before them, but create them to serve our purpose, to inflate our sense of power. How ironic that we are oppressed by our own creations, controlled and manipulated by the very things we create to try and establish control over ourselves. What a complicated little game we play, a chess board full of idols which move us around like pieces on a chess board. We pretend that we are seeking God, yet God has never been lost to us. Any instant that we forget to believe in our self made idols, if we relax our false worhip for just the slightest moment, the reality of God hits us like a truck.

So, "How much of your life, your self, your world, do you really control?"

Together we rise.

The Fine Art of Surrender

I had to laugh. I was listening to a radio broadcast interviewing one of the authors of a book called 'innovate like Edison'. The author had talked extensively about how Edison's genius (think light bulbs) came from the way he was utterly surrendered to his own own nature. How he refused to be constrained by the ideas of others and deeply trusted his 'gut' and the inpirations he found in his own inner world. He then went on to say that you too could innovate like Edison if only you followed the books amazing five point plan which would teach you how to be just like him.

So which is it? Am I supposed to be like Edison and trust myself, or am I supposed to do like Edison and follow your five point plan?

The new age is full of these, thousands of books outlining an infallible 3,5 or 7 step plan to ultimate success, all of them modeling the path of 'this or that' great achiever in 'whatever' field. I once went into a second hand store where there was a table with over fifty of these books on it. They had all come from the same deceased estate. Apparently this persons great achivement for their life was that they had read every book ever published on how to achieve greatness. For me these are both great examples of the problem that arises where ideation tries to take over life,or in other words, where we fail to trust in what's inside of us.

Such ideations, whether they be the latest system for success or the most ancient religion, are all based on one assumption - that what you need to achieve success/happiness/fulfillment is outside of you, something that needs to be learned. Opposed to this of course is the idea which I subscribe to, that what you need is actually inside of you and trying it's hardest to express itself. That's not to say that we do not need to acquire knowledge and skills, or that we cannot learn from and be inspired by others, but our path in life is unique and we cannot walk it by following the path of another. To try do so is to deny the life force, the grace, that is the foundation of our being.

The truth is that not everyone is going to be a Thomas Eddison, or an Albert Einstein, Jesus Christ, Krishna Murti, Abraham Lincoln or Marilyn Monroe. This is a good thing. Our world really only needs the occasional genius, prophet or great leader to continue on it's path of evolution. If everybody was a movie star, who would watch the movies? It would be like every cell in your body deciding it needed to be a brain cell. Being a brain cell might seem more glamorous than being the lining of the stomach, but if the stomach lining wasn't there the brain wouldn't last too long.

Fortunately our cells don't often complain about their lot in life. Also fortunately, not everyone needs to be a high flier. Most people simply don't have the motivation, passion or desire to dedicate their life to some great cause, being happy to do a job they don't hate too much, pay their taxes, have a BBQ on the weekend and love their children. These are the everyday heroes (cause lets face it, family life isn't easy) that make life possible. These are the people that keep our society going, the plumbers, cleaners, receptionists, hairdressers and so on. They are the people that great achievers exist to serve, who's lives are made better by the works of great minds, but without whom great minds would have no existence and no purpose.

One of the greatest crimes of the modern media is the constant adulation of celebrity, that leaves so many feeling that an ordinary life is somehow unworthy or second rate. We don't look down on our foot (metaphorically speaking) and criticise it for not being our nose, yet we often look back at ourselves with accusations of not being as worthy as someone else. Such thoughts leave us feeling ashamed and unsatisfied, unable to recognise the wonder and the miracle that we truly are. Unable also to recognise the beauty and opportunity of our life.

The picture accompanying this blog is the Tarot card called the wheel. It represents the third Kabbalistic gateway to grace, the fine art of surrender. Pictured are three women (the three 'fates' of Greek mythology) grouped around the wheel of fortune. It's teaching is that life has it's own order, of which we are a small piece, yet each of us has a fate, a particular part to play in the grand scheme. It is through surrender to this fate, to our own nature, that we find happiness, peace and prosperity. When we stop demanding that life be different than it is, we discover that every moment becomes an opportunity to express the uniqeness of ourselves. Every day, whether difficult or easy, is an opportunity to grow, learn and become more truly who we are. It teaches that when we stop fighting our fortune we discover that it contains our unique path to fulfillment.

How do we know what that path is? That's easy - we are driven to wards it in every moment by our passions, desires, instincts and feelings. We are pulled towards it every day by the opportunities that life presents us to engage with it. When we stop complaining, resisting and generally throwing a tantrum because it doesn't look quite how we think it should, we discover that everything we need is right there.

Every one of us has a unique path, but only we can know what that is. Surrender is the art of trusting the grace inside of us and letting it lead us to a life worth living. I say throw away the books that propose to tell you the path to happiness, success and power - at best they are nothing more than the path the author has taken (maybe) on their unique journey. At worst they are the rantings of of deluded and unhappy seekers trying to sell you their desperate illusions, and make a few easy bucks on the side (i.e. "I got rich by writing books on how to get rich").

Or not, after all, that's just my opinion. What's yours?