Sunday, October 12, 2008
The Middle Path - A Neurological Perspective
I wish to continue with the theme of the middle path, this balance point between the polarities of life. I mentioned in the last blog that I believe the problem is ideation, where we give too much authority to ideas and philosophies rather than trusting in our natural knowing. I'd like to clarify that this doesn't mean that ideas are wrong, or that the 'rational' mind should be denied in favour of feelings and instincts. These faculties are all natural parts of our human being, designed to work together in harmony and balance. The problem only arises when we favour one or the other too heavily, and impair their natural communication with each other. Supportive evidence for this need for a balanced approach is now coming from the field of science, which for so long has pushed us too far to the mental side of life. It's emerging out of the very exciting field of biological psychology.
Advances in electro imaging technology, such as MRI and PET scans, are allowing investigators to form a remarkably detailed picture of which aspects of our brains are doing what. This has been going on for a while, in fact if you haven't heard something about the differences between our left and right brain you've probably been hiding out in a mountain cave for the last twenty years. Popular myth has it that the right side of our brain is the feminine, responsible for creativity, emotion, music, relationship, intuition and so forth. The left is the masculine, responsible for language, linear logic, goal seeking, planning and so forth.
These are gross over simplifications of the available evidence, but there is enough truth to them to make it a useful model for discussion. Investigators have found a way to temporarily 'lesion', or shut down particular areas of the brain, allowing them to determine what alters during these episodes of dysfunction. For instance, when certain areas of the left hemisphere are lesioned, the person experiences impairment in their capacity for speech, reasoning, definition, the passing of time and focussed thoughts. When particular areas of the right hemisphere are lesioned some people lose their ability to distinguish emotion, perceive patterns in information, recall events, and recognise faces.
Let me stress that these differences are not nearly as predictable or as defined as many popular books on the subject would assert, but they give rise to interesting questions. What we do know is the the separate hemispheres of the brain control the opposite side of the body, and that the right brain has long been considered the seat of creativity, free will, emotion and motivation - considered the feminine mind. In fact the Catholic church has been waging war against the right brain for centuries. The word sinister, which is latin for 'left' (sinistra) came to mean evil in church doctrine. Left handedness was considered the mark of the devil and children with a left handed dominance were still being ruthlessly suppressed and 'retrained' as late as the 1960's.
Brain imaging studies have shown us that states of deep meditation and prayer generate increased activity in the right cortex, indicating that this area of our brain is involved in our personal connection to spirituality. However, belief based thinking, such as that involved in religious theology and ritual, mainly involve the left cortex. What we also know is that people who have suffered serious trauma often have a tendency to favour left brain thinking, which some put down to a tendency to avoid emotionally linked memories which seem to involve the right brain.
It appears that these two polarities need to work together to produce the best results. Most genius level intellects and high achievers in fields of innovation are famous for being people who are active in using both parts of their brain. Einstein was a great example of this. He related that once he had assimilated all the available information on the subject, he would determine his objective (both left brain activities) and then give it to his unconscious to figure out. He would then get on with other things until it came back at him with a response, which usually took the form of symbolic images (right brain activity). But this doesn't just work for geniuses. Every day life is a balancing act between our analytic mind and our intuitive reasoning - between our emotional responses and our cognitive abilities.
We all know people who favour one aspect over the other, usually to their detriment. For instance, those who stray too far to the left and live their lives in a highly intellectual and emotionally disengaged manner are usually dreadful at relationship, inclined to overwork, pay too little attention to their health and often lead quite bland unsatisfying lives. On the other hand (so to speak), some people go too far the other way and live lives of intense emotional drama while being unable to plan, set goals, discipline themselves or reason very well. Progress towards happiness for these people usually only comes when they recognise the need to embrace the 'other side' of life and develop their neglected faculties.
It's actually quite natural that different people specialise and tend more one way than the other, it's part of the diversity of human existence that go's to make a whole and interesting society, so long as we don't take it so far that we lose personal balance. Fortunately we all have both capacities, the ability to engage both sides of our brain in concert and balance. No matter where we are, or which way we tend, its never too late too redress the balance. Perhaps we need to take an art class, or a course in critical thinking, learn to play an instrument or develop self discipline. Whatever the need, just recognising that we may be out of balance is the first step back towards the middle.
Grace be with you.
Friday, September 26, 2008
The Middle Path
In the last blog I made quick reference to The Budha's teaching of following the middle path. Budha was born the crown prince of his country and raised in a state complete insulation from his world. He was surrounded by wealth, love, and reverence - never being confronted with the harsher realities of life until the day when he was presented to his populace. On that day he was shocked and horrified by the poverty, pain and suffering that he had never seen. He was also ashamed of his own wealth and position, realising that it came at the expense of others. So much so that he ran away from his life of privilege and became a spiritual ascetic, living naked in the forest with nothing to eat but mud and water. After eight years of living this way, emaciated and weak from starvation, he had a realisation that life and truth was all about balance, that one had to walk the middle path.
So what does this mean? For me it means that this is a world of polarities, that life exists somewhere between the extremes. Everything in this reality is polarised - hot and cold, dark and light, up and down, in and out, fast and slow, male and female and so on. So too with matters spiritual. We live on the razors edge between the infinite oneness that resides inside us, and the extraordinary individuality that is our existence. We are both the same as everyone else, and entirely unique. And so too with life. We each of us struggle to live a life balanced between competing differences - we try to balance work and play, giving and receiving, caring for others and looking after ourselves, speaking and listening, activity and rest, consumption and creation, adventure and security, belonging and individuating, etc. Every moment of every day involves choices we make about which way we are going to go. Do I eat more food, or take a walk? Do I clean the house, or watch TV? Do I spend time with those I love, or get into my hobby? Yet despite this enormous burden of choice, this ever present balancing act, most of us manage to get through the day successfully - until we don't.
Therein lies the problem, sometimes we get it wrong, sometimes we get it horribly wrong, sometimes we get so far out of balance that life becomes unbearable. I think it would be rare to find a person today who hasn't got at least one area of their life where the balance is out of whack. Perhaps they work too much, eat too much, give too much, let too much slide, or covet too much. Perhaps they love too little, take too little, laugh too little. So many lives today are consumed with greed and dreams of wealth, at the expense of their family's, their friends, their lovers. While others take too little and sacrifice their own wellbeing for dreams of love that never comes. As always the question of the hour is this - why and how do we get so far out of balance?
The easiest way to answer that question is to ask another - how is it that we manage to stay in balance at all? How, with the vast array of competing polarities and impossible choices, do we ever get it right? Certainly the complexity of life is too much for our poor feeble minds to handle. So what other forces must be at work just to get us to the end of each day intact and reasonably sane? My belief is that we manage to get it right so much of the time exactly because we don't give it to our minds to figure out. In truth, the vast majority of our actions and choices are happening at the unconscious level. We experience them as instincts, feelings, intuitions, desires, hungers, frustrations, longings, whims, fancies and inexplicable urges - rarely questioned and almost always acted upon.
It seems that we are built to carry out this delicate act of balancing, with little need for our minds intrusions. Our mind gets to know about the decision after it's been made. Sometimes it gets to figure how to put the decision into action, but rarely gets to influence the decision itself. I would go so far as to suggest that it is truly our hearts (the middle chakra, the balance point between the two polarities) that gets to make our decisions. That for the most part, we walk the middle path that Buddha, echoed and affirmed by every great teacher throughout the ages, spoke of.
So to come back to the original question, why do we get so far out of balance? It seems to me that the problem here is ideation, which is to say that we forget to trust in our hearts and entrust it to our mind. We lose touch with our instinctive wisdom, because we have given authority to ideas - to philosophies, beliefs, creeds, political theories, religions, charismatic personalities and so on. We have failed to place our faith where it truly belongs, in the quiet still voice gently whispering in our hearts.
Is there anything so dangerous as a good idea? Is there anything more likely to disrupt our connection to the divine than a grand religious theory? Anything quicker to destroy the peace of society than the latest all encompassing Utopian dream?
Does balance and truth really come from having the answers or from the willingness to keep asking the questions, a moment by moment inquiry, what needs to happen right now?
So what does this mean? For me it means that this is a world of polarities, that life exists somewhere between the extremes. Everything in this reality is polarised - hot and cold, dark and light, up and down, in and out, fast and slow, male and female and so on. So too with matters spiritual. We live on the razors edge between the infinite oneness that resides inside us, and the extraordinary individuality that is our existence. We are both the same as everyone else, and entirely unique. And so too with life. We each of us struggle to live a life balanced between competing differences - we try to balance work and play, giving and receiving, caring for others and looking after ourselves, speaking and listening, activity and rest, consumption and creation, adventure and security, belonging and individuating, etc. Every moment of every day involves choices we make about which way we are going to go. Do I eat more food, or take a walk? Do I clean the house, or watch TV? Do I spend time with those I love, or get into my hobby? Yet despite this enormous burden of choice, this ever present balancing act, most of us manage to get through the day successfully - until we don't.
Therein lies the problem, sometimes we get it wrong, sometimes we get it horribly wrong, sometimes we get so far out of balance that life becomes unbearable. I think it would be rare to find a person today who hasn't got at least one area of their life where the balance is out of whack. Perhaps they work too much, eat too much, give too much, let too much slide, or covet too much. Perhaps they love too little, take too little, laugh too little. So many lives today are consumed with greed and dreams of wealth, at the expense of their family's, their friends, their lovers. While others take too little and sacrifice their own wellbeing for dreams of love that never comes. As always the question of the hour is this - why and how do we get so far out of balance?
The easiest way to answer that question is to ask another - how is it that we manage to stay in balance at all? How, with the vast array of competing polarities and impossible choices, do we ever get it right? Certainly the complexity of life is too much for our poor feeble minds to handle. So what other forces must be at work just to get us to the end of each day intact and reasonably sane? My belief is that we manage to get it right so much of the time exactly because we don't give it to our minds to figure out. In truth, the vast majority of our actions and choices are happening at the unconscious level. We experience them as instincts, feelings, intuitions, desires, hungers, frustrations, longings, whims, fancies and inexplicable urges - rarely questioned and almost always acted upon.
It seems that we are built to carry out this delicate act of balancing, with little need for our minds intrusions. Our mind gets to know about the decision after it's been made. Sometimes it gets to figure how to put the decision into action, but rarely gets to influence the decision itself. I would go so far as to suggest that it is truly our hearts (the middle chakra, the balance point between the two polarities) that gets to make our decisions. That for the most part, we walk the middle path that Buddha, echoed and affirmed by every great teacher throughout the ages, spoke of.
So to come back to the original question, why do we get so far out of balance? It seems to me that the problem here is ideation, which is to say that we forget to trust in our hearts and entrust it to our mind. We lose touch with our instinctive wisdom, because we have given authority to ideas - to philosophies, beliefs, creeds, political theories, religions, charismatic personalities and so on. We have failed to place our faith where it truly belongs, in the quiet still voice gently whispering in our hearts.
Is there anything so dangerous as a good idea? Is there anything more likely to disrupt our connection to the divine than a grand religious theory? Anything quicker to destroy the peace of society than the latest all encompassing Utopian dream?
Does balance and truth really come from having the answers or from the willingness to keep asking the questions, a moment by moment inquiry, what needs to happen right now?
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Walking Between the Worlds
My path to grace began with a childhood fascination with the Tarot. Without knowing why, I found myself compelling drawn to these evocative images. Over the ensuing years I studied all I could about it, but it wasn't until much later that it truly revealed itself. In 1998 I sat down to write a course on reading Tarot, and discovered that the words appearing on the screen were both achingly familiar and totally unknown to me. I found myself channeling the wisdom of Grace, and it was laying out in my mind the true teaching of the Tarot, which are an extension of the knowledge of the Kabbala. So what has this got to do with anything?
Well, the image you see to the right is one of the many depictions of the lesson of Temperance. In many traditions, this is called the path of enlightenment, what Budha called 'walking between the worlds'. Reaching enlightenment indicates that the person lives both in the world of form and in the world of spirit, or grace. Actually, this is what everyone is doing all the time, we are spirit made flesh, god in creation. However, when we take form we go usually through a process of forgetting our spirit self in order to inhabit our physical self. If we didn't, we would find it very difficult to go from the experience of unlimited grace and power to the experience of limitation, vulnerability and not-oneness. If we didn't forget, adjusting to this new reality with it's potentials for pain and frustration would be almost impossible.
However, we are not meant to forget forever. Over time our spiritual self gradually and naturally makes itself known, unless this process is interfered with, usually by false religions and socialisation designed to keep us in ignorance of our true being. Continued forgetting is disastrous to our wellbeing, it's like trying to motivate a car after we've run out of petrol, all hard work and frustration. When we have become over identified with a self concept of limitation, life can become hard and meaningless. Life stops being an adventure in form, and becomes a journey in suffering. The opposite is also true - if we are trying to live in the world of spirit and deny the world of form we've missed the point entirely. The trick is living with our awareness in both worlds, deeply centered in the world of spirit but thoroughly and joyfully immersed in our physical reality. Enlightenment is the process of undoing this forgetting and learning to reconcile the two seemingly separate realities. Grace is the mechanism that spirit provides to achieve this.
Of course, the question is how? In the Tarot, Temperance is the final lesson in the path of enlightenment. It is the teaching of En-joy-ing, meaning that we bring joy into everything by having an attitude of meeting all experience with joy. However, coming to this point is a process best learned in stages. In future blogs I'll be talking about the six lessons of grace that precede Temperance, designed to move us naturally to a place where we can greet every moment of life with joyful welcome. For now, you might like to play with the idea that joy is not so much a product of the reality you face, but a result of the attitude with which you face it. It's the decisions I make about what is happening that determine whether my experience is one of suffering or one of exstacy. When I greet each moment as an adventure, an opportunity to experience the wonder of life, I naturally find the good in it and respond from a place of power and creativity.
Grace be with you
Grace be with you
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Blessings Be
The most powerful ways I know to experience grace and all the blessings it offers, is to offer grace to others in the form of blessing. This doesn't mean you have to wave your hands in the air and chant strange rituals at people. Blessing is simply another word for positively recognising other people. When I bless someone else I choose to see the good (grace) inside them, and acknowledge it openly. Everyone blesses all the time. We bless our friends, our families, and our co-workers every time we smile, embrace, validate and encourage. It's an ancient truth that the more we bless others, the more blessed we are. It could be said that all the world really needs is more blessing, but it isn't always as easy as it sounds. There are a number of barriers to blessing which we may have to get past.
The first, and the worst, is a sense of unworthiness, the idea that we have no blessing to offer - that our opinion is not important or valuable to others. Sadly this low opinion of ourselves arises because we have not received the kind of blessing and validation we needed. Even more sadly, this is a cyclical condition where, because of other peoples failure to bless us, we now feel we cannot bless others, who then feel they cannot bless others and so on. Fortunately it only takes one person to break this cycle. One person to think "well, maybe I don't think my opinion is worth much, but perhaps it can give some small joy to another anyway. Maybe I'll give it a go and see what happens". I don't know about you, but the times in my life where someone has taken the trouble to offer me blessing and recognition stick out boldy in my memory. Not only because they are rarer than I might like, but because they feel so damn good. It didn't matter to me who that person was, only that they took the time to care.
The second barrier to blessing is anger. Most people carry the pain of not receiving the blessing and validation they would like. Most people feel unnapreciated, taken for granted and unrecognised at some point in their life. For some, perhaps many, this can turn into a vengeful resentment. "If the world won't give me the blessing I need, then I'm not giving it to them either". I wish I could say that this is uncommon, but it isn't. Many of us feel that we have an empty cup, and therefore don't make the effort to fill the cup of others, lest it cost us what little we have. The reality of life is very different. Blessing not only costs us nothing but it has the strange effect that as we fill up the cup of others, so ours is filled. When I get into this sort of mindset I try to ask myself this question "Is this the person I want to be". Do I want to be part of the problem, or part of the solution?
The third barrier to blessing is fear. Fear that we might appear weak or needy. Fear that our blessing may not be welcome. Fear that the other may be embarrased. Fear that it might fall on deaf ears, be struck down on the rocks of the other persons feelings of unworthiness. Fear that we might be ridiculed or rejected. Fear that others might misinterpret our offering, see it as angling for something we want in return. Fear that others might grow attached and dependent on us. Fear that we will always be the one giving, and not receive the blessings we long for. Fear with a thousand faces. There are two good remedies for fear. The first is courage, the wilingness to decide that the benefits outweigh the risk. The willingness to allow other people to have their reactions and hold fast to the purity of our intent. The second remedy is skill - there are ways of offering blessing to others that are hard to misinterpret, hard to deny and hard to resist.
Not all Blessings are Created Equal
I wish that they were, for certainly the intent is equal in it's lovingness, but the undeniable fact is that there is a skill to good blessing. There is an old principle that when it comes to communication the progentior is 100% responsible. This means that we are responsible not only for what what we say, but for how it is heard. This is harsh, because our words are often being filtered through the other persons worldview, but if we wish our words to have effect we need to take the time to understand their worldview and tailor our message to it. The intention of blessing is to communicate love and acceptance, so if our intention is true, the extra effort shouldn't be too much trouble.
As blessings go compliments are tricky and easy to misinterpret. They often hit up against the barriers of the other persons low self esteem, and sometimes can be interpreted as 'flattery', which is esentially self serving. If you tell someone that they are beautiful for instance, you may offend them because they could have a history of being objectified and exploited for their beauty, and not respected for their character. That's not to say that compliments don't work at all, but to give an effective compliment we usually have to make sure that it is very specific. It needs to be tailored to the the person's view of themselves, to praise in them something that they value in themselves. If we compliment someone for something that they are unable to recognise about themselves, our words will fall on deaf ears. If we compliment them for something that they do not value about themselves, or something that represents a limitation to them, they may even resent it.
Similarly, praise and encouragement can be seen as patronising and arrogant, or downright manipulative. Most people like to be praised, but only if the person praising them is someone who's opinion they respect and value. Sadly, many people who are in the habit of easily praising others, are often using charm to manipulate for personal gain. This leads to a general distrust and wariness of those who offer praise. Praise and encouragement usually requires a pre-existing bond of intimacy, or no room for doubt about the givers intentions, to be readily received.
The most effective and readily accepted form of blessing is usually a communication that lets the other person know that they have made a positive contribution to the speakers life. Everyone has an inbuilt need to make a contribution and be seen as a valuable member of their community. For all our modern obsession with what we can 'get', it is our ability to give that brings us happiness and self esteem. In fact, the most damaging thing that happens to our self esteem in this world is where others fail to recognise what we have to offer. So if you really want to let someone know that you value them, ask yourself what it is that they bring to your experience of life, and tell them about it.
Together we rise.
The first, and the worst, is a sense of unworthiness, the idea that we have no blessing to offer - that our opinion is not important or valuable to others. Sadly this low opinion of ourselves arises because we have not received the kind of blessing and validation we needed. Even more sadly, this is a cyclical condition where, because of other peoples failure to bless us, we now feel we cannot bless others, who then feel they cannot bless others and so on. Fortunately it only takes one person to break this cycle. One person to think "well, maybe I don't think my opinion is worth much, but perhaps it can give some small joy to another anyway. Maybe I'll give it a go and see what happens". I don't know about you, but the times in my life where someone has taken the trouble to offer me blessing and recognition stick out boldy in my memory. Not only because they are rarer than I might like, but because they feel so damn good. It didn't matter to me who that person was, only that they took the time to care.
The second barrier to blessing is anger. Most people carry the pain of not receiving the blessing and validation they would like. Most people feel unnapreciated, taken for granted and unrecognised at some point in their life. For some, perhaps many, this can turn into a vengeful resentment. "If the world won't give me the blessing I need, then I'm not giving it to them either". I wish I could say that this is uncommon, but it isn't. Many of us feel that we have an empty cup, and therefore don't make the effort to fill the cup of others, lest it cost us what little we have. The reality of life is very different. Blessing not only costs us nothing but it has the strange effect that as we fill up the cup of others, so ours is filled. When I get into this sort of mindset I try to ask myself this question "Is this the person I want to be". Do I want to be part of the problem, or part of the solution?
The third barrier to blessing is fear. Fear that we might appear weak or needy. Fear that our blessing may not be welcome. Fear that the other may be embarrased. Fear that it might fall on deaf ears, be struck down on the rocks of the other persons feelings of unworthiness. Fear that we might be ridiculed or rejected. Fear that others might misinterpret our offering, see it as angling for something we want in return. Fear that others might grow attached and dependent on us. Fear that we will always be the one giving, and not receive the blessings we long for. Fear with a thousand faces. There are two good remedies for fear. The first is courage, the wilingness to decide that the benefits outweigh the risk. The willingness to allow other people to have their reactions and hold fast to the purity of our intent. The second remedy is skill - there are ways of offering blessing to others that are hard to misinterpret, hard to deny and hard to resist.
Not all Blessings are Created Equal
I wish that they were, for certainly the intent is equal in it's lovingness, but the undeniable fact is that there is a skill to good blessing. There is an old principle that when it comes to communication the progentior is 100% responsible. This means that we are responsible not only for what what we say, but for how it is heard. This is harsh, because our words are often being filtered through the other persons worldview, but if we wish our words to have effect we need to take the time to understand their worldview and tailor our message to it. The intention of blessing is to communicate love and acceptance, so if our intention is true, the extra effort shouldn't be too much trouble.
As blessings go compliments are tricky and easy to misinterpret. They often hit up against the barriers of the other persons low self esteem, and sometimes can be interpreted as 'flattery', which is esentially self serving. If you tell someone that they are beautiful for instance, you may offend them because they could have a history of being objectified and exploited for their beauty, and not respected for their character. That's not to say that compliments don't work at all, but to give an effective compliment we usually have to make sure that it is very specific. It needs to be tailored to the the person's view of themselves, to praise in them something that they value in themselves. If we compliment someone for something that they are unable to recognise about themselves, our words will fall on deaf ears. If we compliment them for something that they do not value about themselves, or something that represents a limitation to them, they may even resent it.
Similarly, praise and encouragement can be seen as patronising and arrogant, or downright manipulative. Most people like to be praised, but only if the person praising them is someone who's opinion they respect and value. Sadly, many people who are in the habit of easily praising others, are often using charm to manipulate for personal gain. This leads to a general distrust and wariness of those who offer praise. Praise and encouragement usually requires a pre-existing bond of intimacy, or no room for doubt about the givers intentions, to be readily received.
The most effective and readily accepted form of blessing is usually a communication that lets the other person know that they have made a positive contribution to the speakers life. Everyone has an inbuilt need to make a contribution and be seen as a valuable member of their community. For all our modern obsession with what we can 'get', it is our ability to give that brings us happiness and self esteem. In fact, the most damaging thing that happens to our self esteem in this world is where others fail to recognise what we have to offer. So if you really want to let someone know that you value them, ask yourself what it is that they bring to your experience of life, and tell them about it.
Together we rise.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Healing the Ego - part III
I've tried to establish that the Ego is not the enemy of life, happiness and all things spiritual. I've also attempted to convince you that it is what happens to the ego in the process of being socialised to an unhealthy society, rather than it's innate properties, that causes our suffering and sense of separation from the divine. I'd like to expand on exactly how the ego becomes shattered in this way. The ego is meant to be a fluid mechanism, constantly adapting to encompass and incorporate all aspects of our being. As we develop during childhood different faculties and abilities, (thought, willfulness, curiosity, sexuality etc) come online at various stages. In a healthy family system these emergences would be welcomed and validated, leading to their natural incorporation into our evolving identity.
In many family systems certain aspects of our being are not welcomed, causing what psychologists call arrested development, which means that the ego has to adapt to the situation by supressing and defending against these parts of ourselves. This takes the form of various messages, beliefs and decisions that we make in order to survive - such as "it's not safe to tell the truth", "my sexuality is dirty and needs to be hidden" or "who I am is not right". These are known as trauma messages and they affect our entire system. Typically trauma messages have a cognitive component such as a belief, an affective component (our feelings) and a connotative component, being our attitudes and behaviours. For instance, if you are punished for speaking your truth you might make the decision that "my truth is bad" (cognitive) which will produce feelings of fear, shame, guilt and probably anger (affective). This will often result in behaviours such as withdrawing, people pleasing, secrecy and passive aggression against yourself or others.
To complicate thing even further, as time goes on you may forget the cause of these behaviours entirely and then start to berate yourself for them. Addictions and self destructive or self limiting behaviours all started their life as adaptations that were trying to protect you and ensure your survival. The result for the ego is that it stops being a fluid mechanism and becomes a rigid unhelathy identity, which has trouble evolving and adapting to new situations. It is this ego 'state' that separates us from ourself and from grace. So, how do we go about undoing this egoic calcification? I like to continue with the tree analogy and treat is like gardening. To create a great garden (healthy ego) their are several stages we have to go through.
(1) Attention: Left to itself, this ego state will simply continue on becoming more and more choked up with trauma mesages, much as an untended garden becomes overgrown with weeds. The first thing we need to do is to end the denial and recognise that our garden is in need of loving care, of being tended with the correct tools. This is very different from trying to erradicate the problem from a place of frustration and self hatred. We are not trying to kill it off (poisons) or force it to look acceptable (lawnmower), but to gently revive it to it's original beauty (getting our hands dirty).
(2) Weeding: This is the cognitive component of our work. We need to sort through the jungle to discover which parts are worth keeping and which are weeds to be removed. The weeds are all the repressive and self degrading thoughts, beliefs and decisions we have made. It's important to realise that even weeds have been useful, in that they have kept life going in our garden. Our 'negative patterns' are actually earlier survival strategies and need to be appreciated and loved even as we remove them from our minds. In fact, it is only though love and compassion that we are able to tell the difference between the two.
(3) Tilling the Soil: This is the emotional component of our work. As we are pulling the weeds (negative messages) from their place we unearth the feelings buried beneath them. Our feelings naturally release and heal, given the opportunity, but we need to be willing to turn over soil and allow them to come to the surface, where they can evaporate in the sunlight. Our feelings are the emotional indicators that let us know we have been believing untrue things about ourselves. By tiling our emotional soil we rebuild our relationship with who we really are.
(4) Sowing the Seeds: Weeds are the result of our soil being sown with bad seeds (negative messages). To encourage a healthy garden we need to sow with good seeds (healthy messages) and encourage the goods seeds that are already there (our supressed self) to emerge. When we plant loving thoughts in our carefully tilled soil they will slowly grow to create loving feelings and loving self sustaining behaviours.
(5) Watering: Healing, like gardening, takes time. There is the intial satisfaction of seeing the weeds removed, but without continual loving care and replanting of healthy seeds, the garden will simply grow rank once more. Our new beautiful seedlings need plenty of care. This is where grace can be the most useful. By undertaking a practice of regular communion with divine grace we are bring our ego the fresh clean water and gentle sunlight it needs to truly flourish. As our healthy thoughts grow they become strong trees, providing shade and protection for the tender life beneath them and keeping the weeds at bay.
(6) Sharing the Beauty: A garden is not truly great until it's beauty is shared. As we grow in health and love we have much to offer others. Inspiration, gentle advice, a helping hand when their weeds have overwhelmed them. By tending to our garden we become able to help others tend to theirs in their moments of need. Together we create a beautiful world.
Of course, a lot of people haven't got the faintest idea how to go about tending their own garden and are truly overwhelmed by the forest of weeds that choke their minds with dark and thorny thoughts. That's where we need to look around us, we find someone who's garden is healthier than ours, and ask for help. People with healthy gardens always want to help others. As we are nourished, so we want to nourish.
The final thing I'd like to say is this. Always remember that you are never broken, that your garden is never dead, no matter how many weeds seem to dominate and oppress it. Just below the soil lie the seeds of your true self merely waiting for the monent when you clear a patch for them to emerge in. We have no need to know what the final result will look like. We merely need to start, to get down in the dirt and dig for the beauty within us.
Together we grow.
In many family systems certain aspects of our being are not welcomed, causing what psychologists call arrested development, which means that the ego has to adapt to the situation by supressing and defending against these parts of ourselves. This takes the form of various messages, beliefs and decisions that we make in order to survive - such as "it's not safe to tell the truth", "my sexuality is dirty and needs to be hidden" or "who I am is not right". These are known as trauma messages and they affect our entire system. Typically trauma messages have a cognitive component such as a belief, an affective component (our feelings) and a connotative component, being our attitudes and behaviours. For instance, if you are punished for speaking your truth you might make the decision that "my truth is bad" (cognitive) which will produce feelings of fear, shame, guilt and probably anger (affective). This will often result in behaviours such as withdrawing, people pleasing, secrecy and passive aggression against yourself or others.
To complicate thing even further, as time goes on you may forget the cause of these behaviours entirely and then start to berate yourself for them. Addictions and self destructive or self limiting behaviours all started their life as adaptations that were trying to protect you and ensure your survival. The result for the ego is that it stops being a fluid mechanism and becomes a rigid unhelathy identity, which has trouble evolving and adapting to new situations. It is this ego 'state' that separates us from ourself and from grace. So, how do we go about undoing this egoic calcification? I like to continue with the tree analogy and treat is like gardening. To create a great garden (healthy ego) their are several stages we have to go through.
(1) Attention: Left to itself, this ego state will simply continue on becoming more and more choked up with trauma mesages, much as an untended garden becomes overgrown with weeds. The first thing we need to do is to end the denial and recognise that our garden is in need of loving care, of being tended with the correct tools. This is very different from trying to erradicate the problem from a place of frustration and self hatred. We are not trying to kill it off (poisons) or force it to look acceptable (lawnmower), but to gently revive it to it's original beauty (getting our hands dirty).
(2) Weeding: This is the cognitive component of our work. We need to sort through the jungle to discover which parts are worth keeping and which are weeds to be removed. The weeds are all the repressive and self degrading thoughts, beliefs and decisions we have made. It's important to realise that even weeds have been useful, in that they have kept life going in our garden. Our 'negative patterns' are actually earlier survival strategies and need to be appreciated and loved even as we remove them from our minds. In fact, it is only though love and compassion that we are able to tell the difference between the two.
(3) Tilling the Soil: This is the emotional component of our work. As we are pulling the weeds (negative messages) from their place we unearth the feelings buried beneath them. Our feelings naturally release and heal, given the opportunity, but we need to be willing to turn over soil and allow them to come to the surface, where they can evaporate in the sunlight. Our feelings are the emotional indicators that let us know we have been believing untrue things about ourselves. By tiling our emotional soil we rebuild our relationship with who we really are.
(4) Sowing the Seeds: Weeds are the result of our soil being sown with bad seeds (negative messages). To encourage a healthy garden we need to sow with good seeds (healthy messages) and encourage the goods seeds that are already there (our supressed self) to emerge. When we plant loving thoughts in our carefully tilled soil they will slowly grow to create loving feelings and loving self sustaining behaviours.
(5) Watering: Healing, like gardening, takes time. There is the intial satisfaction of seeing the weeds removed, but without continual loving care and replanting of healthy seeds, the garden will simply grow rank once more. Our new beautiful seedlings need plenty of care. This is where grace can be the most useful. By undertaking a practice of regular communion with divine grace we are bring our ego the fresh clean water and gentle sunlight it needs to truly flourish. As our healthy thoughts grow they become strong trees, providing shade and protection for the tender life beneath them and keeping the weeds at bay.
(6) Sharing the Beauty: A garden is not truly great until it's beauty is shared. As we grow in health and love we have much to offer others. Inspiration, gentle advice, a helping hand when their weeds have overwhelmed them. By tending to our garden we become able to help others tend to theirs in their moments of need. Together we create a beautiful world.
Of course, a lot of people haven't got the faintest idea how to go about tending their own garden and are truly overwhelmed by the forest of weeds that choke their minds with dark and thorny thoughts. That's where we need to look around us, we find someone who's garden is healthier than ours, and ask for help. People with healthy gardens always want to help others. As we are nourished, so we want to nourish.
The final thing I'd like to say is this. Always remember that you are never broken, that your garden is never dead, no matter how many weeds seem to dominate and oppress it. Just below the soil lie the seeds of your true self merely waiting for the monent when you clear a patch for them to emerge in. We have no need to know what the final result will look like. We merely need to start, to get down in the dirt and dig for the beauty within us.
Together we grow.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Ego is not a dirty word - Part II
In Ego part I, I spoke of how society separates us from our natural instincts and feelings, which denies us access to the most fundamental connection we have with the grace that lives inside us. In this blog I want to talk about what the ego really is, and why having a healthy ego is fundamental to not only our human happiness but our spiritual development.
I've spoken before about how each of us in actually the indivisible divine force manifesting in individuated form. God getting to know itself through the illusion of separation and the diversity of creation. Every being, every flower, every tree and animal are in fact merely different expressions of the one infinite life force. We exist in an interdependence of forms, much the same way that each cell in our body is both uniquely individual and a neccesary part of the greater whole. This is a very useful analogy, as most people realise that each cell has a vital role in their overall wellbeing. The disease of even one cell impoverishes and threatens the wellbeing of the whole system.
Like cells, we each contain within us the entire blueprint of life and yet we each are a specialised expression of that blueprint. Like cells, we each function within our own discreet boundaries, and yet we function as part of a greater whole. Like cells, we need to understand our part in the overall scheme of things, but we also need to maintain our independent identity and function. This is where the Ego comes in. Our ego is the mechanism by which we are able to figure out where we end and others begin. It is the basis of our individuality, which must be maintained for us to function. Without the ego, we would simply experience ourself as the undiferentiated life force, which would render creation rather pointless. The ego does not, as some claim, separate us from God. What it does is allow us to function as an individuated aspect of God, a unique expression of grace.
Also like cells, we each have particular functions, a particular part to play in the grand scheme of things. A brain cell would never consider the idea that it should be a liver cell, or vice versa. They accept their particular role as given, and find joy in the doing of it. Unlike cells, and most other lifeforms, the human being does get a little more choice in matters of function. We bear the gift and the burden of free will, the ability to make choices about our direction in life. This is more limited than most people would like to believe. Each of us has particular tendencies, talents and abilities which suit us for particualr roles. If we use free will to try and fulfill unsuitable roles we generally find ourselves frustrated, unsuccesful and unhappy. Fortunately, if we surrender to the fulfilment of our true roles we discover passion, fulfilment and happiness.
One of the most damaging concepts of the modern world is the idea that you can do "anything at all". If the little skinny guy with the high academic IQ and poor motor skills sets his mind on being a star football player he simply will not succeed. Nor will the jock with limited academic ability be winning the noble prize for science. These would be examples of our ego having become disconnected from reality. A healthy ego is firmly rooted in our organic and spiritual existence. We experience our ego consciously through our 'self concept', our psychological picture of who we are. The degree to which this self concept matches up with the reality of our 'self' (called self efficacy) determines the degree to which we are able to be happy and at peace in our own skin.
Unfortunately, most of us do not get the family and society that naturally leads to the development of a healthy ego. Ego health is a result of unconditional love, positive regard and validation for our unique value as a person. The extent to which others recognise the value of our particular being usually determines the extent to which we form a healthy and loving self concept. Sadly, most people are subjected to environments in which others demand that we try to make our true self fit into a self concept that is foreign and unachievable. Put another way, our identity is meant to develop around our experience of self, not be imposed on us by other peoples expectations and ideas about who we should be.
The first part of the journey of spiritual development is the healing of our ego. Those who try to bypass this stage inevitably end up being dragged back to it, no matter how advanced they may seem to be in matters spiritual and energetic. In fact, many people who try to devlop transcendent awareness without having healed their ego end up in a highly ungrounded state that can lead to insanity. Others end up stuck in a stage of 'spiritual ego', where their knowledge and beliefs outstrip their understanding and development. They talk the talk but are unable to walk the walk. The Kabbalists put this well - "a tree that wishes to grow tall must first put down deep roots, or it will not withstand the storm".
In the next blog I'll be talking about the process of healing our ego's and releasing our damaged self concepts.
I've spoken before about how each of us in actually the indivisible divine force manifesting in individuated form. God getting to know itself through the illusion of separation and the diversity of creation. Every being, every flower, every tree and animal are in fact merely different expressions of the one infinite life force. We exist in an interdependence of forms, much the same way that each cell in our body is both uniquely individual and a neccesary part of the greater whole. This is a very useful analogy, as most people realise that each cell has a vital role in their overall wellbeing. The disease of even one cell impoverishes and threatens the wellbeing of the whole system.
Like cells, we each contain within us the entire blueprint of life and yet we each are a specialised expression of that blueprint. Like cells, we each function within our own discreet boundaries, and yet we function as part of a greater whole. Like cells, we need to understand our part in the overall scheme of things, but we also need to maintain our independent identity and function. This is where the Ego comes in. Our ego is the mechanism by which we are able to figure out where we end and others begin. It is the basis of our individuality, which must be maintained for us to function. Without the ego, we would simply experience ourself as the undiferentiated life force, which would render creation rather pointless. The ego does not, as some claim, separate us from God. What it does is allow us to function as an individuated aspect of God, a unique expression of grace.
Also like cells, we each have particular functions, a particular part to play in the grand scheme of things. A brain cell would never consider the idea that it should be a liver cell, or vice versa. They accept their particular role as given, and find joy in the doing of it. Unlike cells, and most other lifeforms, the human being does get a little more choice in matters of function. We bear the gift and the burden of free will, the ability to make choices about our direction in life. This is more limited than most people would like to believe. Each of us has particular tendencies, talents and abilities which suit us for particualr roles. If we use free will to try and fulfill unsuitable roles we generally find ourselves frustrated, unsuccesful and unhappy. Fortunately, if we surrender to the fulfilment of our true roles we discover passion, fulfilment and happiness.
One of the most damaging concepts of the modern world is the idea that you can do "anything at all". If the little skinny guy with the high academic IQ and poor motor skills sets his mind on being a star football player he simply will not succeed. Nor will the jock with limited academic ability be winning the noble prize for science. These would be examples of our ego having become disconnected from reality. A healthy ego is firmly rooted in our organic and spiritual existence. We experience our ego consciously through our 'self concept', our psychological picture of who we are. The degree to which this self concept matches up with the reality of our 'self' (called self efficacy) determines the degree to which we are able to be happy and at peace in our own skin.
Unfortunately, most of us do not get the family and society that naturally leads to the development of a healthy ego. Ego health is a result of unconditional love, positive regard and validation for our unique value as a person. The extent to which others recognise the value of our particular being usually determines the extent to which we form a healthy and loving self concept. Sadly, most people are subjected to environments in which others demand that we try to make our true self fit into a self concept that is foreign and unachievable. Put another way, our identity is meant to develop around our experience of self, not be imposed on us by other peoples expectations and ideas about who we should be.
The first part of the journey of spiritual development is the healing of our ego. Those who try to bypass this stage inevitably end up being dragged back to it, no matter how advanced they may seem to be in matters spiritual and energetic. In fact, many people who try to devlop transcendent awareness without having healed their ego end up in a highly ungrounded state that can lead to insanity. Others end up stuck in a stage of 'spiritual ego', where their knowledge and beliefs outstrip their understanding and development. They talk the talk but are unable to walk the walk. The Kabbalists put this well - "a tree that wishes to grow tall must first put down deep roots, or it will not withstand the storm".
In the next blog I'll be talking about the process of healing our ego's and releasing our damaged self concepts.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
The Paradox of Prayer
Ok, Ok. I know that this can all sound a bit religious when I start talking about things like prayer. But if you bear with me you'll come to see that prayer really has nothing to do with organised religion, or supplications of unworthiness before a distant God who hands out favours at whim. Indeed, real prayer is the opposite of these things. So please indulge me for a moment and forget everything you may have learnt about praying from some sick idolatrous religion.
What is Prayer?
Prayer is communion with Grace, much the same as meditation, contemplation of the divine, self inqiry, sacred dance, intentional chanting and a dozen other forms of spiritual practice. Prayer can take a great many forms, but what tends to distuinguish it from other practices is that it usually takes the form of a 'conversation' with whatever the person recognises or conceptualises as the divine. Many people view prayer as asking for some sort of favour from God. A situation in which the little powerless human being begs the big powerful deity for some sort of intercession in their life. If this were true, you could imagine that the big G would be pretty busy attending to the needs of billions upon billions of lifeforms.
Such prayers seem to go unanswered, because the basic premise of them is flawed. For Grace to intercede in our creation of our lives would be a fundamental denial of who we are, an affirmation that what we are is something less than an expression of the divine creative life force. If such prayers were to be answered, it would give valididty to our concept of ourselves as small, powerless and dependent. Grace will never affirm such a misconception, will never support such an insanity. The purpose of grace is to bring us back to awareness of the truth of who we are, to help us beyond this injured identity and rediscover our divine self. A loving God would no more seek to make his/her children dependent and powerless than a loving human would.
True prayers never go unanswered, because they occur in recognition of our right relationship to Grace. This is the recognition that we are not separate to the divine in any way. A real prayer begins with the recognition that we are believing something that is causing us suffering. Perhaps we have projected our power onto something seemingly outside of ourselves, or become trapped in an illusion of separation, grievance and powerlessness. Whatever the reason, the form of a real prayer is deceptively simple. We are asking grace to restore us to right perception, to help us clear our minds of the illusions that are causing us to suffer.
There are many ways to ask this question. Some of my favourites are "please help me see with the eyes of God", or "What would love do in this situation" or "Show me the errors in my minds viewing of this situation" or "Help me to see what is for my highest good in this situation". Prayer doesn't always have to be in response to suffering either. As people develop their relationship with grace many simply make it a daily practice to pray. This can look like "show me how to live this day in peace" or "help me to find grace in each moment" or "show me how I might live my day closer to love". Answering these questions are the function, the very purpose of grace. Grace is the gift that helps us to find the truth and recover from the ilusions of sinfulness and powerlessness and prayer is one of the most powerful ways that we can connect with grace.
As much as a loving and responsible parent would not encourage dependence in their children, nor would they turn a deaf ear or fail to offer appropriate assistance. The paradox of prayer is that all prayers are answered by grace, it just may not look like we think it should. In the movie Evan Almighty, one of the main characters prays to God for a more loving, closer family life. After all hell breaks loose, threatening to disrupt their family life altogether, she unknowingly encounters God (as played by Morgan Freeman) in a roadside diner. He challenges her with the proposition that if you were to pray for a closer family do you think God would send you warm fuzzy feelings, or the opportunity to create closeness through offering love and support in difficult times. It's not often that I look to hollywood for spiritual wisdom, but this seems to me a perfect example of the way irresponsible prayers are answered.
When we pray we are engaging in a partnership with grace, not giving our power to it. Attempts to give away responsibility for our life usually result in situations that provide us with the opportunity to reclaim that responsibility. Grace partners us by giving us the opportunity to grow, heal and rediscover the reality of our divine self. If it were to do these things for us it would be a partner in our disempowerment. Graces ultimate answer will always be this, that you are whole, complete and powerful. That you have always been whole, it is only in your mind, and the illusory reality you create with your mind, that these dark dreams of brokenness can exist. They are but shadows that never affect the true reality, the reality of love. However, until we are ready to hear this answer, grace will always allow us the opportunity to experience our delusions, and offer us the opportunity to give them up. The choice, as always, is ours. Free will, it's a bitch.
Prayer isn't hard to do. It requires no rituals, no incense, no special words or scented oils or fancy buildings. In fact, Jesus instructed his disciples that "they would be better to pray in a closet than in a church". It requires nothing except a sincere willingness to let grace show us the truth. But don't take my word for it, give it a go.
together we rise
What is Prayer?
Prayer is communion with Grace, much the same as meditation, contemplation of the divine, self inqiry, sacred dance, intentional chanting and a dozen other forms of spiritual practice. Prayer can take a great many forms, but what tends to distuinguish it from other practices is that it usually takes the form of a 'conversation' with whatever the person recognises or conceptualises as the divine. Many people view prayer as asking for some sort of favour from God. A situation in which the little powerless human being begs the big powerful deity for some sort of intercession in their life. If this were true, you could imagine that the big G would be pretty busy attending to the needs of billions upon billions of lifeforms.
Such prayers seem to go unanswered, because the basic premise of them is flawed. For Grace to intercede in our creation of our lives would be a fundamental denial of who we are, an affirmation that what we are is something less than an expression of the divine creative life force. If such prayers were to be answered, it would give valididty to our concept of ourselves as small, powerless and dependent. Grace will never affirm such a misconception, will never support such an insanity. The purpose of grace is to bring us back to awareness of the truth of who we are, to help us beyond this injured identity and rediscover our divine self. A loving God would no more seek to make his/her children dependent and powerless than a loving human would.
True prayers never go unanswered, because they occur in recognition of our right relationship to Grace. This is the recognition that we are not separate to the divine in any way. A real prayer begins with the recognition that we are believing something that is causing us suffering. Perhaps we have projected our power onto something seemingly outside of ourselves, or become trapped in an illusion of separation, grievance and powerlessness. Whatever the reason, the form of a real prayer is deceptively simple. We are asking grace to restore us to right perception, to help us clear our minds of the illusions that are causing us to suffer.
There are many ways to ask this question. Some of my favourites are "please help me see with the eyes of God", or "What would love do in this situation" or "Show me the errors in my minds viewing of this situation" or "Help me to see what is for my highest good in this situation". Prayer doesn't always have to be in response to suffering either. As people develop their relationship with grace many simply make it a daily practice to pray. This can look like "show me how to live this day in peace" or "help me to find grace in each moment" or "show me how I might live my day closer to love". Answering these questions are the function, the very purpose of grace. Grace is the gift that helps us to find the truth and recover from the ilusions of sinfulness and powerlessness and prayer is one of the most powerful ways that we can connect with grace.
As much as a loving and responsible parent would not encourage dependence in their children, nor would they turn a deaf ear or fail to offer appropriate assistance. The paradox of prayer is that all prayers are answered by grace, it just may not look like we think it should. In the movie Evan Almighty, one of the main characters prays to God for a more loving, closer family life. After all hell breaks loose, threatening to disrupt their family life altogether, she unknowingly encounters God (as played by Morgan Freeman) in a roadside diner. He challenges her with the proposition that if you were to pray for a closer family do you think God would send you warm fuzzy feelings, or the opportunity to create closeness through offering love and support in difficult times. It's not often that I look to hollywood for spiritual wisdom, but this seems to me a perfect example of the way irresponsible prayers are answered.
When we pray we are engaging in a partnership with grace, not giving our power to it. Attempts to give away responsibility for our life usually result in situations that provide us with the opportunity to reclaim that responsibility. Grace partners us by giving us the opportunity to grow, heal and rediscover the reality of our divine self. If it were to do these things for us it would be a partner in our disempowerment. Graces ultimate answer will always be this, that you are whole, complete and powerful. That you have always been whole, it is only in your mind, and the illusory reality you create with your mind, that these dark dreams of brokenness can exist. They are but shadows that never affect the true reality, the reality of love. However, until we are ready to hear this answer, grace will always allow us the opportunity to experience our delusions, and offer us the opportunity to give them up. The choice, as always, is ours. Free will, it's a bitch.
Prayer isn't hard to do. It requires no rituals, no incense, no special words or scented oils or fancy buildings. In fact, Jesus instructed his disciples that "they would be better to pray in a closet than in a church". It requires nothing except a sincere willingness to let grace show us the truth. But don't take my word for it, give it a go.
together we rise
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