The Freedom Trap

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose,

and nothin' ain't worth nothing but it's free"

From "Me and Bobby McGee"

If there has ever been a more poignant piece of wisdom couched in the lyrics of a popular song, it must be one that I haven't heard. Every time I listen to this I'm reminded of where I live, the Northern Rivers of NSW. This area is awash in leftover Hippies who hoard their freedom like Scrooge Mcduck hoards his gold, locking it away safe and sound lest they ever need it.

And like gold, freedom only's value is in the spending. While it sits there uselessly idle it must be protected and defended at all costs. No commitments can be made, lest they create restrictions on other possibilities. No actions can be taken, should they lead to the consequence of further action being needed. No gifts may be received, opportunities taken or engagements made, lest they give rise to obligations. One must sit like a frightened Dragon jealously guarding ones hoard, not daring to stretch it's magnificent wings and fly into the wide blue sky lest some thief come to steal it away.

In this way freedom becomes the ultimate trap, for what is freedom if it is not the freedom to 'DO' something. If we allow our need for freedom to paralyse us in this way, we are bound as tight as the most desperate of slaves. We are literally without choice, for every choice requires of us that we spend some of our precious freedom. How ironic, that to truly 'enjoy our freedoms' we must relinquish them. Though I speak satirically, I am constantly saddened by the number of people who have fallen into the freedom pit. I watch them writhe around in an agonising illusion of joy, desperately defending against anything that might make a claim on them, completely unaware that the sharpened stakes that are pricking at their bare flesh are actually the myriad thousands of natural impulses and drives that are urging them towards a life of meaning and fulfillment.

"To be or not to be" said the bard. Though I bend this sentiment (perhaps) a little from it's intended mark, I think it nonetheless relevant. "To choose or not to choose" , "to act or not to act", 'to love or not to love" might be some of the many interpretations we can draw, bringing us eventually to the rub - "to live or not to live" -  THAT is the question.

Narcissism and the New Age

Aaaaah the drama of it all.

I recently found myself trapped in a room with an injured new ager. Now I'm not talking about someone who watched 'The Secret' a couple of times, but the real deal. Budhha heads (the new age fruit bowl) adorning every surface, a morning circle of the house with Tibetan bells and arcane chanting to scare away the evil spirits (amazing how easy it is to scare away evil spirits these days), twice weekly smudging to cleanse the house of 'negative vibes', prayer flags hanging across every opening lest dark entities seek admittance in the middle of the night - you get the picture.

So anyway, it seems that during a terribly meaningful new age social event someone knocked a wine glass over, causing it to shatter and impale this persons foot. To the average person this falls into the 'shit happens, deal with it' category of life experience. But to the dedicated new ager this is a highly symbolic event involving deep messages about 'lack of support', spiritual interventions to get the person to 'slow down' and unhealed childhood wounding. Quick someone call a clairvoyant. Of course such an event requires intense discussion with a large range of friends and any poor sucker who hasn't managed to escape the persons immediate orbit with sufficient speed.

Now it seems that this person is in need of a pair of crutches for a little while, which for most people would involve a quick trip to the emergency department of the local hospital to loan a pair. Not so easy for the new age mind though. There are many dangers inherent to such an adventure, a myriad of social implications about supporting the 'system', the psychic risk of entering such an unenlightened institution, the potential for other peoples negativity to attach itself to the unwary traveler and of course the fact that it might cost a small amount of money. All of this must of course, be weighed and considered in a conversation that takes at least an hour, eventually requiring an elaborate escapade involving at least 4 people (the injured person plus three others to provide psychic protection in their time of disability).

GOOD GOD. Will you people PLEASE get a life.

Half the planet is starving to death and most of the rest live under the burden of poverty, oppression, tyranny and debilitating disease and your making a spiritual saga out of a minor injury. This is the travesty of western privilege and narcissism taken to the very extreme. People who's lives are so empty of anything truly meaningful that they have to construct an endless drama in which everyday mundane occurrences are imbued with universe shaking importance. Apparently the great creator, with the responsibility of endless life forms on endless planets circling endless stars in an endless universe is taking time out to give deep meaningful 'messages' to a bunch of spoilt, unemployed, self indulgent children who can't find anything useful to do with their lives.

With all the suffering in the words, all the people who are truly in need of a helping hand, all the causes and injustices that could do with some real attention and energy - the best these people can find to do is to gaze endlessly into the reflection of their own spiritual ego. I guess I should be more compassionate and understanding, but I hate to think of all that 'good energy' going to feed something so irrelevant when it could be feeding starving children.

People ask me why I'm so anti new age. I'm not really. Anything that connects people to something greater than themselves or inspires them to a more loving and engaged life is OK in my book. However I have little patience for things that simply give people the licence to live useless, small and self focussed lives. Life is a gift that requires us to be engaged and participating if it is to have any meaning. It is our interaction with the 'whole', with life itself that make it worth doing. Or in other words, the meaning of life is life.

The true tragedy of our new age friends injury is that it can create for them such a sense of tragedy and drama. For someone who was engaged in a life worth living, this would be nothing more than a minor inconvenience - easily overcome and soon forgotten. Certainly not something that requires hours of discussion about what it really 'means'. I can't imagine that Nelson Mandela ever spent much time cogitating over a stubbed toe or sprained wrist.

Divine Humanity

If there is one theme, one assertion that lies at the core of all my postings, it is this. That there is no separation between the world of Humanity and the world of God. No duality, no veils to be lifted, no qualitative difference at all. To be Human is to be Divine.

Further I would say that until a person has come to this knowing, all spiritual pursuits are vain idolatry and wasted time. Mostly they are actually attempts to obfuscate the truth by creating a false perception of separation. This is done with sincere intent, in that the spiritual seeker is truly caught in the belief that their humanity is somehow inferior to divine reality, but nonetheless it is a false path. The 'Course in Miracles' refers to such pursuits as delaying tactics, designed to put off the day when we look into the mirror and see the Son of God looking back at us.

Which leads to the question of why we would do this? Why would we hide from ourselves the magnificent truth of who we really are, while we suffer under terrible delusions of inadequacy, isolation and worthlessness? The answer is simple. This is in fact the purpose of the Ego, to create a wholly believable perception of separateness. Without this perception, this identity of limitation, we could not truly exist in human form and participate in the adventure of creation. If we were not able to forget that we are in fact the child of God, with all of God's power and abilities, we could not reconcile our perception to the experience of limitation that is human life. It would be like going to see a movie while constantly repeating to ourselves that it isn't real - there would be no point and no enjoyment in going. In the same way that we must be able to suspend disbelief and engage in the experience of the movie to enjoy it, we must be able to forget the true scope of our self to enjoy the game of life.

Of course, this begs the the question of why do any of this in the first place. Well, why not? Imagine that you are the son of God - omnipotent, omniscient, invulnerable and endlessly creative. Limitless power, limitless love, and limitless oneness. After a time wouldn't you begin to wonder what it was like NOT to be all this? What it is like to know limitation, vulnerability, struggle and striving? Well, we did - and here we are. Of course to HAVE the experience of diversity instead of oneness you have to create a whole lot of different forms to occupy - the body. To KNOW this experience you have to create a way of perceiving yourself as limited to the individual forms you are occupying. Thus you create the Ego, whose primary program is to make sure that you do not realise that you are not merely the form you occupy.

Yet, like all good games, it eventually must come to an end. In the final reel we always wake to the fact of who we are, and it is this sense of a deeper knowing that first leads us into the spiritual path. The problem is that in our attempts to deepen our experience we can be led onto a great many dead ends. Many eastern religions, and the major western ones, teach the path of renunciation. The theory is that by detaching from the world and our humanity we remove the distractions that keep us from the awareness of our God nature. It works too, if you are willing to spend the next thirty years siting in a cave on a mountain.

It's also completely unnecessary. The game is designed to arrive at this conclusion without any extra effort required. As we mature our experience naturally and simply deepens until we arrive at the knowing of our true nature. This path is known by many names, some being the 'Tantric' Path or the 'path of life' . It's not really a 'path' at all, because all it requires of us is that we embrace and surrender to our humanity. At the point where we have become truly integrated with our humanity we discover the divinity of our experience. The truth is that every event that ever happens to us is guiding us towards our eventual and unavoidable awakening - all we need do is trust life. Easier said than done, I know.

That is, unless this natural process of maturation is interrupted or retarded - usually by our attempts to detach from or resist our humanity and our natural life experience. Oh well, it wouldn't be much of a game if it didn't present some challenges.

Food, glorious food

Food, Glorious Food

For as long as I can remember I have battled with a food addiction. It has been the defining negative behaviour of my life, my great nemesis, my own personal Moby Dick. Like Moby Dick it seems to lurk in the unseen depths, leaping up suddenly to wreak havoc and destruction on my world. I meet it with futile rage, powerless in the face of it majesty and absolute refusal to submit to my wishes and demands. Though I speak about it with a satirical edge of drama, it has been a serious source of suffering for me. I have woken every day to find it dominating my thoughts, controlling my actions, and impacting on my health, wellbeing and self esteem.

No attempts to address it have ever worked. A long line of therapists, books, practices, diets, mind changing methodologies, 12 step programs and other desperations have failed miserably. Over time I had become aware that the harder I tried to 'handle' it, the worse it became. The more I tried to control it, the stronger it got. Eventually we arrived at a uneasy truce where I gave in by simply not trying to manage it, merely hoping each day that it would not cause too great a problem for me. I was a beaten man, suffering my pain in a miasma of silent debilitating shame and confusion. Welcome to the dark side of my life.

However, you may notice that I am writing in the past tense. this weekend gone, that all changed. Today I am a man released from a terrible imprisonment, no longer gripped by the iron fist of self hatred. What has freed me is a simple realisation, a moment of blinding insight that left me laughing stupidly in joy and wonder. Want to know what it is? (I'm teasing).

JOY. My addiction is the manifestation of repressed joy. Far from the terrible trauma or shameful secret I imagined it to be - at the core of this behaviour is a delicious, delectable, degustatory deluge of delight. I LOVE FOOD. I absolutely adore food, in all its forms (OK, not shellfish). I love it's sweetness, it's tang, its texture and its taste. Food is one of the great joys of my life, one of the major benefits of being in a body on planet Earth. I mean, seriously, I know that 'breatharians' and others who stick to regimens of dietary purity are reputed to live long lives, but why bother. If the cost of such longevity is the denial of such pleasure I really cant see the point.

Food, Glorious Food. Food brings me incredible joy, and the only reason I've been overdoing it for all these years is that I have not been allowing myself to have that joy, to en-joy my food. Why? Because the messages I received as a small child around the enjoyment of food were extremely negative. "Don't be a guts", "you'll get fat", "Don't let anyone see you", "be moderate", "watch your weight", "Don't be greedy", "always leave some on your plate" and so forth. My simple joy was turned by these into a shameful secret. By the time I was 12 years old I used to sneak out when everyone else had gone to bed and eat where no one could see me enjoy it, then crawl back to bed feeling ashamed and guilty but finally satisfied.

I have thought all my life that the problem was this eating that I needed to control, while all along the problem has been the belief that I needed to control my eating. Since making this discovery I haven't been overeating at all. Now when I eat, I sit down and really enjoy it. By allowing myself to finally have my joy, to receive the gift of this human life, I naturally stop eating at the point where I'm satisfied. I no longer need to run back for seconds and thirds because the child in me has been allowed his simple joys without being berated and repressed. Since making this discovery the weight has been gradually coming off, not because I try to 'lose it' through diet and exercise, but because I no longer overeat and I naturally want to live an active life. This is life the way grace designed it to be, an instinctive and effortless balancing act that requires no interference from a frightened mind.

In other words - enjoying my food isn't the problem - it's the solution. the problem was in not trusting myself, not trusting nature, not trusting grace and not trusting joy. So I hope you will join me in celebrating my new found freedom, and maybe even find some hidden joy of your own.

In Joy I trust.

The Satan Game

A dear friend of mine recently invited me along to see a 'teacher' they are in to. Reluctantly I agreed, only to find my reluctance justified. Don't get me wrong , I think teachers are fine and have benefited greatly from sitting with many people who were able to connect me more deeply to grace and to myself. But not all teachers are equal. In my experience their are two types of teacher. The first are those who, from their  own grace and knowing, facilitate us in the discovery of ourselves. The second being those who are playing, or are caught in, what I call the "Satan Game".

The Satan game is both very simple and highly complex. It is simple in that it boils down to one simple message: "You are not okay the way you are, and you need to be fixed/changed/evolved or in some way improved". It is complex because it invariably involves a huge edifice of complicated and seductive theories, levels, practices and lessons that must be learnt in order for us to earn our way back into love/bliss/redemption or power. Of course, all this arcane knowledge we apparently require can only be gained at the discretion of the guru/master/teacher who has the inside scoop on deep secrets that transcend everybody else's inferior or 'less evolved' understandings. Usually, but not always, this involves handing over large amounts of money. It always involves handing over large amounts of personal power.

This one was no exception. A self declared reincarnation of Jesus (3rd one I've met so far), this particular character proceeded to enlighten us with the knowledge that he was the only being to ever transition the entire 22 dimensions of God's universe and return to Earth. Of course, the rest of us slobs were only at the first level along with the billions of other spirits stuck in this desperate purgatory. But have no fear, with the aid of his deep wisdom that no one else has access to (of course) we would soon be be able to rocket to the head of the queue and achieve the heady bliss awaiting the devoted at level 22.

Now I've seen quite a few of these guys over the years, but this one was probably the most impressive in terms of having the act down. After a while you get to recognise the tricks of the trade.

Step 1: Establish some sort of entirely unprovable 'spiritual authority' (i.e. I'm Jesus).
Step 2: Speak the predictable 'objections' of the audience (an old door to door sales trick).
Step 3: Establish the idea that the audience are 'free to choose' and that the presenter is in no way attached to the audience members choices (actually, only the really good ones do this).
Step 4: Create the context in which anyone who is 'close minded' or 'resistant' is just working through their 'stuff' or denying themselves the growth and learning they really need. This particular teacher managed to imply that anyone who expressed objections was committing an unloving act on the rest of the audience (Always nice to see something new).
Step 5: Deal with all questions or challenges by a process of 'engulfment'. this means that rather than argue with the challenger the presenter acknowledges what their saying in such a way that it makes it seem the challengers ideas are valid, but a 'lower' form of understanding.
Step 6: Once having quelled all audience dissent, proceed to establish that the audience members reality is an inferior experience, implying that this is because of some flaw or limitation in their understanding or evolution.
Step 7: Proceed to outline the path by which the listener may redeem themselves to the heights of spiritual ecstasy as defined by the presenter. Of course, this path is a deep and mysterious thing that cannot never be fully described or understood, but must be experienced under the guidance of the teacher.

Or something like that. There are a few other things to look out for. There will always be enough 'truth' in the teachings to get them past casual inspection and make them seem superficially attractive. The good ones will appear humble, simple and sincere (they may even be sincere in their belief - that why I call it the Satan game - the deception can be at any level). There will always be the promise of being special or privileged, an attractive idea to the wounded egos that are drawn to these teachers. Last but not least, none of the teachings will ever be provable or backed up by empirical evidence and you will almost always be encouraged to 'go beyond' your mind and 'transcend' or 'release' any feelings that might be objecting to the program. Though the very best will also 'engulf' rather than oppose these.

See what I mean about highly complicated? Fortunately, there is a simple way to tell the difference. If we assume for a minute that the universe is the manifestation of a loving Creator, would such a being really do this to their creations? Would a loving God create all these tests and trials? the idea that happiness can only be found by leaping though extraordinary spiritual hoops is absurd. The premise that any one being would be of greater worth or value than another is sick. The concept that we would have to strive against impossible odds and unearth hidden secrets that are only revealed to a few 'special ones' is basically cruel. If you were God, would you do this to your children?

No is the answer. There is only one 'truth' we ever need to know. "We are BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT, just the way we ARE". Every problem we can ever have, every moment of suffering we can ever know, comes from forgetting that simple truth. All the horrible things we do to ourselves and each other come from the simple fact that we have come to believe something different to this. In the moment that I accept this truth everything else falls away. I can no longer believe in 'levels' of love or spiritual attainment. I can no longer see myself or others as broken and in need of fixing. I can no longer see my reality as something that needs to be transcended or transformed. I can, in that knowledge, only be who I am.

So what is the purpose of the Satan Game? To hide the simple truth that we are OK just as we are. It has to be complicated, seductive, and full of outlandish promises or we'd see though it too easily. Why does it exist? Beats me, I only know that it does, and that it is easily seen through with a single question. Does what this person is saying connect me to the knowledge that I'm OK, or does it try to convince me that I'm not?


Together we rise

Seek and you shall . . . . seek?

I live in Byron Bay, the California of Australia. replete with sunshine, great surf, fabulous weather, high unemployment and every imaginable type of therapist, healer, workshop and spiritual pursuit. A veritable 'seekers' paradise. Let me define what I mean by a seeker. Seekers are a subculture of privileged western society who are in search of spiritual attainment. The stated goal of a seeker is this indefinable thing thing called enlightenment. Why indefinable? Because if you can't define it, you can't know when you've attained it.

Seekers congregate in places like Byron Bay, Los Angeles and Goa because the lifestyle is excellent and no one expects you to have a job. If one is going to be seeking, it might as well be somewhere comfortable and enjoyable. Seekers drink coffee or green tea in little street side cafes where they meet with other seekers. Seekers have tried every sort of spiritual practice, sat with every guru, done dozens of workshops, seen every sort of therapist, and try to make a little extra cash to supplement the welfare cheque by offering their services as whatever sort of healer they can claim to be.Seekers do yoga, have numerous short term relationships, experiment with Tantric sex, despise religion, protest against capitalism and governments, talk about how they would have an electric car if they could afford one and tell you their big dreams of living sustainable lives.

I used to be a seeker. Hell, why not? It sure beat working for a living, the women have great bodies (all that yoga) and 'progressive' attitudes towards sex, and as long as you talk endlessly about saving the world from those dirty capitalist dogs no one expects you to actually make some sort of contribution or assume any sort of responsibility. It's a cruisy life, a sort of spiritual hedonism with the added benefit of getting to think you're one of the 'special ones'. Homo superior just waiting for the rest of the world to catch up with your spiritual development and recognise your trailblazing wisdom.

The problem is that I did, quite by accident, the one thing that a seeker is never allowed to do. I found. "Wait a minute" I hear you say, Isn't that the goal of every seeker? Well actually, NO. The goal of a seeker is to seek. Ceaseless, vigorous, determined seeking. If you actually find what you are apparently seeking you lose all the benefits of being a seeker. No more spiritual ego trips and delusions of superiority. No more free ride at the expense of those 'normals' you so deftly deride. No more excuses for transient relationships that you really can't commit to because they might interfere with your 'spiritual progression'. No more grandiose delusions of saving the world to compensate for your almost total lack of usefulness and contribution.

The problem with actually 'finding' is in what you 'find'. Finding is not an achievement or a triumph. Not an elevation to sainthood or eternal freedom from pain and suffering. Not a free ride to wealth, sex and power. Not the attainment of magical powers and mystical wisdom. Finding is the simple realisation that you are just like everyone else. Just as divine, glorious and amazing as everyone else. Just as deluded, selfish, violent and flawed as everyone else. Just as capable of love and of evil. Just as frightened, just as deceitful, just as noble, just as responsible for the state of things, just as small and powerless, just as creative and resourceful, just as dependent on the good will of others, just as capable of kindness.

Finding does bring freedom, but it brings tremendous responsibility too. The freedom it brings is freedom from the need to be special, to be different, to be perfect, to be superior, to be extraordinary. The responsibility it brings is to play you part in the great game of creation, to contribute, to love, to ease the burden of others, to look after yourself, to cry for your suffering and the pain of your brother, to make the world a better place because of your presence in it.

Seeking is easy. It's merely the act of an immature ego inflating itself with dreams of separation, specialness and the easy way out. Finding is hard. Its the surrender of a mature ego to the realities of life and the responsibilities of love. So how do you 'find'? Simple - you stop seeking. You recognise that your seeking is a trick you are playing on yourself. Nothing more than a fantasy you use to distract yourself from what is right in front of you - life. A Course in Miracles calls seeking 'delaying tactics'. Trying to put off the moment in which the ego must surrender it'a attempt to 'rule' the kingdom and take up its alloted service role.

That which is real has never been hidden, never been lost, never been obscured from our view. It is simple reality. Sometimes joyful and exciting, sometimes hard and daunting.So why, you may ask, should we stop seeking and simply 'find' what has always been in front of us? Because it is the only way that peace and happiness can ever be ours. Heaven is not the absence of pain, difficulty and effort. It is the willingness, the bravery, to respond to them with love. It is the adventure of life, faced with simple courage, and the supporting hand of grace. But grace can only help those who are prepared to give up the isolation of egotism and specialness, and rejoin the ranks of our shared humanity. Grace is only present in that which is real.

The Invitation - stop seeking, FIND.

Together we rise.

The REAL Law of Attraction

So I guess you've seen 'The Secret', or read one of the many books available on how you can use the so called 'law of attraction' to make your dreams come true. A little positive thinking, some creative visualisation and a few affirmations should have you driving that shiny new Porsche in no time at all - and without any effort, work or outlay either. After all, you are the creative force of the universe aren't you? You can have anything you want, use the power of God at your whim, remake reality to your liking with a single thought, right?

Oh, but hang on a minute. That's not really the experience you've been having is it? Nor does it seem to be anyone else's experience. Must be those pesky negative beliefs getting in the way. Maybe you just need to work harder at those self affirming affirmations, be more vigilant about watching those annoying self sabotage thoughts (where'd they come from?), make your visualisations more vivid and emotionally engaging. Of course if all that fails, it doesn't really mean it isn't true, it's just that the universe is having to teach you more lessons before the gates of wealth and power open to you.

It has to be true. All those people selling you these ideas and concepts seem to be doing all right. Then again, they do seem to be using your money to do it. Strange that. If their so good at all this manifesting, why do they need to sell you all these expensive training programs, books and DVD's to make their dreams come true. But it just has to be true, doesn't it. If it isn't true, if all this power is not yours to use, then who are you? Just another human being getting pushed around by the big bad world,  having to slave away at a job just like everyone else? Merely another normal person facing all the trials and tribulations of this unpredictable, overwhelming, difficult little life.

Well, perhaps neither of these realities is entirely true. Maybe there is a middle path. It's possible that we do in fact have a part to play in the great story of creation, that we do have some power over what comes our way - just perhaps not as much as we would like to think. It's also possible that we have some limitations to deal with, that reality requires something of us before it rewards us with our dreams fulfilled. Maybe it's not really us who are making the rules here. 

After all, imagine for a minute a reality in which your every desire is instantly fulfilled, and so is everyone else's. We're going to need a lot of super models, expensive cars, big houses and platinum credit cards. If everyone is rolling in it, who's going to serve us our double espresso latte in the morning? Who cleans the toilets, changes the babies nappy, does the really hard jobs, or the boring ones? If everyone has three investment properties, who's renting them? you don't have to think about this very far to realise that there's a pretty big hole in this Utopian ideal. For your reality to be everlasting ease and comfort, someone else's has to really suck. So, what's wrong with being merely human anyway?

John Bradshaw, in his book "healing the shame that binds you", gives us something of a clue about all this. He calls it the shame bound personality problem. An identity bound in what he calls 'toxic shame' cannot accept itself as it is, cannot live with the limitations of being human, so it wanders ceaselessly between the polarities of devastating shame and absolute shamelessness. Such a person is bouncing between perceiving themselves as a subhuman, disgusting worthless failure or a superhuman invincible success story with the power of God at their fingertips.

Why can't they stand to know themselves as just a normal human? Because the trauma's of their life have left them feeling profoundly ashamed. Ashamed of not living up to the expectations of others. Ashamed of not being able to defend themselves (or others) against the assaults they've experienced. Ashamed of not having been able to heal the perpetrators of those assaults who are usually parents or loved ones. Ashamed, Ashamed, Ashamed. An seemingly unbearable, unresolvable, unforgiveable feeling of not being OK. Better then to escape, to lose oneself in a fantasy of ultimate power and ultimate fulfillment.

But this blog is not about healing the shame that drives us to such dreams. It's about the Real Law of Attraction. Because it's true that we are creative - that the universe bends to our will. It's just that our will is not under the control of our ego. We cannot make our will (which is the will of God inside of us) submit to the authority of a mere personality, of a mind caught in delusions of grandeur and shame. It is our ego that must surrender to IT if we wish to become happy and fulfilled. This is not a random universe, ruled by tantrum throwing personalities screaming for instant gratification. It is a universe of order and of love, where we each serve each other like the cells of our body serve one another.

The real law of attraction is simply this - "our reality will aways reflect our consciousness, whether we like it or not". Every unhealed wound will bring exactly the situation that is needed to re-trigger it, so that you may have another opportunity to heal. Every mistaken belief will manifest in a vivid four dimensional technicolor life experience to be reviewed. Every attempt to escape yourself will come crashing down around you so that you might once more choose to turn and face what your really are. Every attempt to defend, insulate and avoid the reality of your true state of being will fail, usually in spectacular and shocking fashion.

If we think you can manipulate this simple truth with affirmations, visualisations and positive self talk we are sadly, devastatingly mistaken. God is not so easy to fool. Grace is no sucker to be conned. Reality is not a toy that exists for the gratification of immature ego's.

So - would you be happy and fulfilled? At peace with yourself and your life? then stop trying to change your reality, which is the greatest teacher you could ever have, and start changing your mind. Find out who you really are. Do the things you really love. Share the gifts you have been given. Uplift others with your positive words. Live the passions that make you feel alive and excited. Do the work that is before you. Play your part in the great scheme of creation and creation will give you everything you have ever needed (but maybe not everything you have ever wanted).

Do you want to know the real secret? There is no secret. Never has been. Never will be. What a cruel trick that would be. For a loving creator to fill his children with the desire for  happiness and then withhold from them the knowledge of how to attain it. That knowledge is built into every cell of your body. The truth and wisdom you seek has always been there, freely available. People have been shouting it at you for years. However, you will have to give up illusions of control, delusions of specialness, and the idea that you can somehow take from life more than you give to it. Nature isn't stupid, and she holds all the cards.

Together We Rise.

The Knifes Edge

:
In the fifties and sixties a man by the name of Jean Paul Sartre came to the attention of the world with his inspired and (for the time) radical philosophies on life, the universe and everything. He was the father of what is called existentialism, an approach to living that some say could be summarised as 'shit happens, deal with it'..

Existentialsim covers a great many principles. For me one of the most important is the idea that life is a balancing act between ever opposing fluid polarities. Polarities like serving our own interests or the interests of others, adapting to our environment or influencing it to our own desires, seeking instant gratification or being disciplined towards a greater goal.We are faced every day with choices, a constant to and fro of give and take. Sartre asserts that this is the nature of life, and that this gives rise to what he called 'existential angst', which is a constant state of dynamic anxiety that invigorates and challenges us. He also speculated that the attempt to avoid this 'angst, to create an illusory sense of safety, is at the core of all true suffering and neuroticism in the human condition. This was illustrated brilliantly to me the other night when a character in a television show delivered the line "We're all scared. If you're not scared, you're not paying attention".

The ideal of existentialism is that we should live in a state of paying attention to the moment, looking life in the face and not shrinking from it's realities. This, according to Sartre, gives us the capacity to live in a truly authentic and empowered way. Only in this state can we arrive at a place of what I call 'existential contentment', where we are happy to allow life to bring whatever it brings, secure in the knowledge that we will respond in powerful and creative ways.

But therein lies the problem, for many of us are NOT secure in such knowledge. Many do not experience themselves as resourceful, able and powerful. We believe ourselves to be broken, dysfunctional and inadequate to the task of living life. For many of us the experience of socialisation by our society and  the traumas of our life have robbed us of out natural confidence, the belief in our ability to meet life on it's terms.This is of course a catch 22. We cannot allow ourselves to face life in such a naked manner because we do not have confidence to face it's challenges - and we cannot discover our power to do so if we do not face life in this way.

One response to this situation that has impressed me is called Narrative Therapy. Pioneered by Michael White and others (based on the thinking of Sartre and other luminaries), this approach helps its clients to discover the resources and power that they are too often unaware of. Many of us fail to realise the myriad of powerful and creative ways we have always responded to life's challenges. White believes that no human being responds passively to trauma - that no matter how overwhelming and damaging the event is, we always do the best we can to protect and maintain the things that are precious to us. He asserts that every human being has innate core values that truly define who we are, values that we defend at all costs, though often in unseen and subtle ways.

This is a powerful idea, because if we are willing to take it on and look at the myriad ways in which we have fought to sustain the things that are precious to us, it can entirely change the way we see ourselves. No longer can I identify purely as a victim of life's circumstances. No more can I subscribe entirely to a view of myself as powerless, or totally deny responsibility for the way my world is.

He calls this the 'other half' of the trauma story. Certainly there are bad things that have happened to us, and the feelings of isolation, powerlesssness and confusion that always accompany trauma and repression. But there is also the actions that we have taken to preserve, protect and continue our true self in response to those things. Actions that, when seen, prove to be amazingly powerful, creative and courageous. Actions that allow us to look back on these events and witness not just the horror and the pain, but our own heroism and resilience in the face of overwhelming power.

For, to reflect the philosophy of Sartre, life on planet earth isn't always pretty..It's now comforting for me to look back over the years, with all the trials and tribulations that have threatened to overwhelm me. I realise that somehow I must have found a way to face them and come through with the most important parts of me intact, the values that are dear to my heart. If I've been able to do that for over forty years, working with limited knowledge, then I'll probably manage to face the next forty reasonably well given the benefit of all that added experience.

So, not for me the path of illusory safety and insulation, the neurotic attempts to try and bring life under control and tame it. I say give me the knife's edge. Bring it on, warts and all.The pain, the pleasure, the joy and the sadness, the love and the loss. It's certainly been an interesting ride so far, wouldn't want to miss the rest of it. The reason I can pursue such a philosophy, daring to face life on it terms knowing that it will bring both triumph and disappointment, is because  I know that through it all there is something inside of me that will always respond in powerful, creative and self sustaining ways. Something I call grace.

To echo the wisdom of Jena Paul Sartre, "we all die, and we die alone" - but we don't have to live that way.

Ironic Idolatry

 You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them  2nd Commandment, exodus, English translation

Of all the ten commandments allegedly given to Moses on Mount Sinai,this one has to be the most fiercely debated and most widely interpreted. The Catholic Church did away with it all together in the Catechism (catholic 'book of rules and interpretations') and has been making idols by the millions ever since. The Muslim world observes it strictly, forbidding any type of image or statue to be made that represents God, or any other form to be worshiped, yet elevates the words of the Quran to divine status. Orthodox and protestant religions allow the making of images, so long as they are not worshiped of themselves. Some Churches forbid representations of God, but allow images of Jesus on the grounds that they believe this is how god represented himself to humanity. Wars have been fought over it, religions split into factions, and thousands of hours of heated words have been passed because of it. It was the excuse for the violent suppression of paganism among other traditions, and for the colonisation of countries and continents.

The irony in all this is that religions obsession with this particular statement is a contradiction in terms. By giving it so much weight and import, the commandment itself has been turned into an idol, a thing of worship.  In the fight to give obeisance to the individual interpretations, the whole point of it has been lost. The question that so often goes unasked is this. Why? Why would God forbid the making and worshiping of Idols? If the purpose of the commandments is to protect his children from evil and sin, as it seems to be, how does this serve that purpose?

Answering this question leads to a couple of others, Firstly, what is God? Secondly, what is worship? The implications that this commandment has for the first question is that God is NOT anything that is made by man. The implications for the second question is that worship is a form of obeisance, of bowing down, of surrendering power and control to. Therefore to worship idols is to give power and authority to things that are not God, to invest value in things that have no intrinsic divinity. This is pretty obvious really, worshiping things made by our own hand is really quite silly. How could something that we created have more power or divinity than it's creator?The great joke is that religion itself is most often idolatry. In our seeking for divinity we so often invest our power and worship in the man made structures of religiousness - in building, books, teachings, priests, rules and regulations. In this way, religion separates us from God, leaves us chasing man made shadows and giving obeisance to a thing not truly divine.

Thus I call it Ironic Idolatry. The very thing that promises us a 'path' to Grace, leads us away into an empty worshiping of man made dreams. However, religion is not to blame for our idol worship. It is we who create religion, and we who choose to invest it with power. Why? Why did Moses's brother create the Golden Calf after the first revelation? Why does every great teacher and Prophet get turned into a religious Idol the moment they die. Why do we as a species insist on worshipping the things we create and animate, rather than that which creates and animates us? 

The problem seems to be in the worship, the act of surrendering control. While ever we are worshiping that which we have created, we  are actually (as its creator) still in control of it. It's a bit of a trick we like to play on ourselves - to pretend to give our obeisance to that which we can change and modify at our own whim. Worshipping God, on the other hand, seems terrifyingly out of control to us. Even the recognition of the existence of God as a reality, rather than a man made image or concept, is devastating to an ego who wishes to reign over what it considers it's creation. To genuinely contemplate, even for a moment, that from which we have emerged, which governs the turning of the stars and the beating of our hearts, is profoundly humbling and profoundly destructive to our image of ourselves as being able to control life.

If one sincerely answers the simple question "how much of my life, my self, my world, do I really control?", the reality of the divine becomes instantly undeniable and deeply threatening to an identity based in dreams of power. We control almost nothing, not our breath, not our brains, not our feelings, not our instincts, urges, abilities, preferences, desires, tendencies or talents.  Our SELF is handed to us whole and complete, and the only choice we get to make is whether or not we are going to go with it, or fight against it - perhaps not even that choice. Idol worship is done because it serves the purpose of keeping us from the knowledge of God, of  turning God into something that we think we have control over. "Better", says the fragile ego, "to reign in hell than serve in heaven'.

The obeisance we give to idols is a false one. We do not truly bow down before them, but create them to serve our purpose, to inflate our sense of power. How ironic that we are oppressed by our own creations, controlled and manipulated by the very things we create to try and establish control over ourselves. What a complicated little game we play, a chess board full of idols which move us around like pieces on a chess board. We pretend that we are seeking God, yet God has never been lost to us. Any instant that we forget to believe in our self made idols, if we relax our false worhip for just the slightest moment, the reality of God hits us like a truck.

So, "How much of your life, your self, your world, do you really control?"

Together we rise.

The Fine Art of Surrender

I had to laugh. I was listening to a radio broadcast interviewing one of the authors of a book called 'innovate like Edison'. The author had talked extensively about how Edison's genius (think light bulbs) came from the way he was utterly surrendered to his own own nature. How he refused to be constrained by the ideas of others and deeply trusted his 'gut' and the inpirations he found in his own inner world. He then went on to say that you too could innovate like Edison if only you followed the books amazing five point plan which would teach you how to be just like him.

So which is it? Am I supposed to be like Edison and trust myself, or am I supposed to do like Edison and follow your five point plan?

The new age is full of these, thousands of books outlining an infallible 3,5 or 7 step plan to ultimate success, all of them modeling the path of 'this or that' great achiever in 'whatever' field. I once went into a second hand store where there was a table with over fifty of these books on it. They had all come from the same deceased estate. Apparently this persons great achivement for their life was that they had read every book ever published on how to achieve greatness. For me these are both great examples of the problem that arises where ideation tries to take over life,or in other words, where we fail to trust in what's inside of us.

Such ideations, whether they be the latest system for success or the most ancient religion, are all based on one assumption - that what you need to achieve success/happiness/fulfillment is outside of you, something that needs to be learned. Opposed to this of course is the idea which I subscribe to, that what you need is actually inside of you and trying it's hardest to express itself. That's not to say that we do not need to acquire knowledge and skills, or that we cannot learn from and be inspired by others, but our path in life is unique and we cannot walk it by following the path of another. To try do so is to deny the life force, the grace, that is the foundation of our being.

The truth is that not everyone is going to be a Thomas Eddison, or an Albert Einstein, Jesus Christ, Krishna Murti, Abraham Lincoln or Marilyn Monroe. This is a good thing. Our world really only needs the occasional genius, prophet or great leader to continue on it's path of evolution. If everybody was a movie star, who would watch the movies? It would be like every cell in your body deciding it needed to be a brain cell. Being a brain cell might seem more glamorous than being the lining of the stomach, but if the stomach lining wasn't there the brain wouldn't last too long.

Fortunately our cells don't often complain about their lot in life. Also fortunately, not everyone needs to be a high flier. Most people simply don't have the motivation, passion or desire to dedicate their life to some great cause, being happy to do a job they don't hate too much, pay their taxes, have a BBQ on the weekend and love their children. These are the everyday heroes (cause lets face it, family life isn't easy) that make life possible. These are the people that keep our society going, the plumbers, cleaners, receptionists, hairdressers and so on. They are the people that great achievers exist to serve, who's lives are made better by the works of great minds, but without whom great minds would have no existence and no purpose.

One of the greatest crimes of the modern media is the constant adulation of celebrity, that leaves so many feeling that an ordinary life is somehow unworthy or second rate. We don't look down on our foot (metaphorically speaking) and criticise it for not being our nose, yet we often look back at ourselves with accusations of not being as worthy as someone else. Such thoughts leave us feeling ashamed and unsatisfied, unable to recognise the wonder and the miracle that we truly are. Unable also to recognise the beauty and opportunity of our life.

The picture accompanying this blog is the Tarot card called the wheel. It represents the third Kabbalistic gateway to grace, the fine art of surrender. Pictured are three women (the three 'fates' of Greek mythology) grouped around the wheel of fortune. It's teaching is that life has it's own order, of which we are a small piece, yet each of us has a fate, a particular part to play in the grand scheme. It is through surrender to this fate, to our own nature, that we find happiness, peace and prosperity. When we stop demanding that life be different than it is, we discover that every moment becomes an opportunity to express the uniqeness of ourselves. Every day, whether difficult or easy, is an opportunity to grow, learn and become more truly who we are. It teaches that when we stop fighting our fortune we discover that it contains our unique path to fulfillment.

How do we know what that path is? That's easy - we are driven to wards it in every moment by our passions, desires, instincts and feelings. We are pulled towards it every day by the opportunities that life presents us to engage with it. When we stop complaining, resisting and generally throwing a tantrum because it doesn't look quite how we think it should, we discover that everything we need is right there.

Every one of us has a unique path, but only we can know what that is. Surrender is the art of trusting the grace inside of us and letting it lead us to a life worth living. I say throw away the books that propose to tell you the path to happiness, success and power - at best they are nothing more than the path the author has taken (maybe) on their unique journey. At worst they are the rantings of of deluded and unhappy seekers trying to sell you their desperate illusions, and make a few easy bucks on the side (i.e. "I got rich by writing books on how to get rich").

Or not, after all, that's just my opinion. What's yours?

Rotten Rituals

Continuing the exploration of how religion interacts with grace.

I've been aware of the presence of God since before I can remember. I think that perhaps all children are, but they are conditioned away from it. I'm not really sure how my faith survived my childhood, given that my father was a 'committed' atheist, my mother a lapsed methodist, and my stepfather couldn't really be bothered with 'all that'. Consequently my spirituality became something of a 'private' event, observed in the moments between the times when I had to 'present' to the world. Often it was late at night when everyone else had gone to bed. I would sit up pondering the wonders I saw around me, or sneak outside to dance naked in the moonlight with the wet grass tickling the soles of my feet.

I found god in everything, the sun on my face, the feel of a horses body pressed against mine, the trusting eyes of the family dog. Hardest of all was finding God in the people around me, buried as it so often is below the layers personality and protection, but I found that I could 'look' at them in a particular way (that was more heart than mind) and the veils of ignore-ance would drop away to reveal a shining beauty. I was often criticised for my willingness to trust strangers, forgive those who mistreated me and generally refuse to engage in the social play of rejection and status games. Despite the numerous urgings to 'toughen up' and 'fight back', I could not help but see the pain being expressed in these hurtful actions. The few times I tried to heed this advise and retaliate, the pain I caused myself in the betrayal of my truth was far greater than the hurt anyone else could deal me.

However, I had one glaring advantage in maintaining my relationship to the divine, I was never exposed to religion (thanks to my atheist father). My first attendance at a religious ritual was a wedding, fairly benign if a little long. My second was a catholic christening of my nephew, which has stuck with me ever since. Not  (sadly) because the ritual was beautiful or inspiring, but because it struck me as being completely empty, a feelingness delivery of empty words. The one bright spot was the benediction by my younger sister, who's love for her nephew was the only evidence of God present.It became clear to me that ritual without true connection was a tragic blind alley and a terrible fraud. So what is ritual meant to be?

At it's best, it can be a gateway to the experience of the divine. Ritual can create a path that removes us from our everyday world filled with thoughts of problems and struggle, and lead us into an experience of our deepest truth. Rituals don't have to be spiritual either, our lives are filled with them. Going to the theatre or a movie is a ritual that many of use for exactly this purpose. Spending quality time with family, meeting our friends for a coffee or a friendly game of poker, and giving mum a call once a week (unless it's from obligation) are all examples of rituals that connect us to divine reality. Even sitting down for a cuppa, when done in the right way, can be the equivalent of a deep meditation. The things that set these apart from the hollow ranting of many religious endeavours is simply the presence of authentic presence. It is not the ritual itself, but the way in which we engage with it that provides the power and the benefit. It is not the ritual that contains grace, it is we who bring grace to it with our intention.

Simply put, rituals have the meaning and the purpose that we ascribe to them. If it is our intention to use a ritual to connect with the divine experience then literally any ritual will do. If it is not, or even worse, if we are participating in ritual from some sense of obligation, fear of divine retribution, fear of social retribution, or from the belief that the ritual itself is what holds the power, then no ritual will do the job. Meeting once a week to celebrate life, connect with grace, sing uplifting songs and enjoy the fellowship of others is a beautiful ritual - unless it's done from a sense of obligation and compliance to the demands of an oppressive religion that negates the divinity of its members. Taking ten minutes five times a day to kneel down and connect with grace is a wonderful idea (also good for the back), until its done to avoid social disapproval and punishment from the self righteous domination of self appointed 'representatives' of God.

Any ritual that negates the divinity of those performing it, or pretends that the power of grace is invested in objects, actions and words is a false one. Such rituals merely separate us form grace, diminish our sense of self, and give a non existent power and authority to those administering them. Far from connecting us to God, they trap us in an illusion of separation and unworthiness. They are simply another form of idolatry (discussed in next blog). The only useful ritual is one that reminds us to engage in some action of sincere communion.

Jesus of Nazareth instructed his disciples that 'they would be better to pray in a closet than a church'. It is going inside and finding the natural connection we all have to grace that gives us benefit, and any ritual that feels right to you is the best one. If it doesn't feel good, I say don't do it.

Foolish Faith

I spoke of the difference between faith and belief as being that faith emerges from a direct experience of God, which somewhat contradicts the modern idea that faith is 'belief in the absence of evidence'. People often speak of 'leap of faith', implying that one chooses to trust in the grace even though their rational mind tells them that they shouldn't, or that there is no evidence for doing so. Many times this is how faith is arrived at, often in circumstances of great peril or overwhelm where the person is faced with the knowledge that they are powerless to affect their own rescue.

Yet for this to occur there must first be some small voice within the person that impels that choice. One does not randomly 'get religious' when their fat is in the fire. People do not suddenly abandon their worldview, unless they have some inkling that there is something there. If you were hanging off the edge of the cliff you would not suddenly leap for a rope, unless you had some indication that the rope was actually present.

Everyone wants to believe that they have power in their world, particularly the power to look after themselves, this is essential for a healthy ego. However, there comes a point in every life when we discover the limitations of that power. Perhaps it is through sickness, or extreme danger, or getting old and infirm, or the inability to overcome addictions, or even through discovering that we are unable to create happiness for our self. Some people arrive at this knowledge through scientific inquiry or introspection, where they suddenly realise that the enormous complexity and order of nature is far beyond their understanding or ability to control. However it happens, at this moment there is the inevitable conclusion that some other rather awesome and intelligent force is at work in the world. This realisation - part logical conclusion, part experience, part intuitive understanding - is the foundation of faith. The knowledge that, in the words of the Kama Sutra, "things are not as they seem, nor are they different".

So what is faith? Well, I think it is simply the knowledge that there is something powerful, intelligent and benevolent driving the universe. The understanding that there is order in the apparent chaos, and that we are part of that order. What trips most people up is the idea that this 'higher power' is benevolent. How could it possibly be so when the world is full of war, destruction and inhumanity. Wouldn't a benevolent power do something about that? It's a good question, and one I could spend tomes trying to answer, without success. That's the problem - it's not until one has the experience of grace, and deepens in relationship with it, that it begins to make sense. One can't really have faith until they have faith.

Actually, arriving at faith doesn't have to involve extreme events, it requires only that we sincerely allow the possibility, but extreme experiences do make the best stories. My favourite was told to me a counsellor I went to see. She related how, as a young woman in New York, she found herself one day in a dead end alley in the wrong part of town. She was surrounded by five young men who were obviously intent on taking what they wanted and doing her harm. In that moment she realised that there was no way to escape or defend herself, she simply did not have the power to save herself from this situation.

As often happens at this moment, she surrendered, and was inspired to take a radical action. She explained to those boys that she was frightened for her safety, that she realised she was in a bad part of town and feared she would be raped and killed. She then asked these young men, who were intent on doing just that, if they would protect her and see her safely out of that area. Those five individuals proceeded to proudly escort her to her home, waiting until her door was close behind her before moving off. Years later she received a letter from the leader of that gang of boys, explaining that she had completely turned his life around. He told her that she was the first person who had ever seen him as someone capable of doing good. That day he quit the life of the street, got a job, and was now a successful man with a devoted wife and family.

I still cry every time I relate that story. Not only did she find the faith that saved her own life, she found the ability to have faith in others, to look past all the apparent evidence of evil and see the possibility of goodness. Her faith saved at least one other life from what would have almost certainly been a descending spiral into crime, drugs and early death. That is the true power of faith, the ability to look through the apparent reality to the grace that lies within, and in so doing, bring that grace forth in the world.

The picture above is the Tarot card of Strength, which represents the Kabalistic teaching on faith. The young woman, hopelessly overmatched in physical strength and ferocity, has tamed and befriended the wild lion through gentle love. She has declined to except the appearance of threat and overcome the danger though her faith in the goodness of the beast. Faith is a looking with the heart, rather than the mind, and its power is the power of God.

Why doesn't a benevolent higher power fix all the pain, hatred and violence in the world? What then would we have to do, what would make our lies meaningful, what would be the purpose of this adventure called life if not to discover who and what we truly are through our actions of love. A loving parent does not do their children's work for them, but gives them the opportunity to grow in power and maturity through setting them challenging tasks. In short, that’s our job - after all, we are the ones doing all the violence, hatred and destruction - why should God clean up our mess?

Together we rise

The Folly of Belief

Are religion and direct experience of God mutually exclusive?

You could be forgiven for thinking so.

I am not the first to note that there seems to be an inverse relationship between spirituality and religion, which means that the more religious people become the more disconnected from grace they seem to be. I say this not as a cynical condemnation of religious hypocrisy, but as a testament to the great tragedy of religion. Countless millions of people turn to religion looking for comfort, understanding and meaning. They seek the grace that others speak of. They yearn for the glory that something deep inside them clearly remembers. They seek peace, but often find only the hollowness of proscribed beliefs, or even the hatred and division of religious fundamentalism. However, many great men and women of faith have emerged from all sorts of religions, but they appear to be the exception rather than the rule.

Which leads me to the point - the difference between faith and belief. In the last blog I made reference to the difference between right and left brain thinking. This is particularly interesting in relation to matters spiritual. The left brain is the aspect of our ego mind that has the task of defining things. It gives names to everything, divides one thing from another, and allows us to distinguish the myriad purposes of objects in the physical world. This is important, it's good to know the difference between a knife and a plate, or a piece of rope and a poisonous snake. Our left brain figures out, catalogues and cross references not only things themselves, but what we believe them to be. Thus the same object can have two completely different belief systems attached to it. To one person a rifle may be the means by which they can secure food for their families. To another it may be a weapon by which they can dominate and enslave.

In this way the left brain can be considered the centre of our belief system. The important thing about beliefs is that they are polarised, meaning that we define things as much by what they are 'not' as by what they are - everything is relative to other things. By definition they define, which is to say that they divide and separate. Thus to be a Catholic is to 'not be' a Muslim, to believe differently to a Protestant, to be separate to a Pagan. Any religion that is 'taught' must be this way, because the act of teaching is one of defining. Religion says that God is 'this way', that humans are 'just so', that righteousness looks 'like this'. In any relative world view it is unavoidable that we will come to a belief about 'relative value'. For my beliefs to be valuable to me, they must be superior to others. For my beliefs to be 'true', others must be false.

There is no way to approach God from a left brain perspective that will not result in this dilemma. Trying to do so is like trying to perform surgery with a sledge hammer, it's the wrong tool for the job, and will most likely kill the patient. God is the indivisible, the all encompassing, the oneness that underlies all forms. Every great teacher will attest to the same thing, that God simply cannot be described, defined or captured with words and concepts (left brain). At best, words can simply point in that direction and intimate at the truth. In 'The Course in Miracles', Jesus says (paraphrased) that "I cannot tell you what Truth is, only what it is not".

Fortunately however, for those who may be despairing, God can be 'known'. Knowing is not a belief, or a definition or a concept - it is an experience, a living relationship with the oneness of grace. In other words, knowing cannot be done with the left brain. This is the great flaw of religion, the attempt to define God , to confine the infinite to the finite. The path of definition and belief leads only to the human experience of physical life, of separateness. Those who would know grace follow a path of experience, a path of faith. Faith is not, as popularly thought, a belief in God despite a lack of all evidence. It is the peace that comes from the direct experience of God, and it can only be had by those who are willing to abandon a slavish devotion to left brain thinking and embrace the right brain perspective on life.

The left brain defines and divides, looking for difference and separation. The right brain delves and explores, it seeks the relationship between things, the sameness and the sanctity. The left brain uses and controls, seeing a purpose to each object, a way in which it can be manipulated towards its own end. The right brain surrenders and succumbs, looking for how it might be 'used' by the greater web of life to a greater purpose. The left brain sees everything relative to itself. The right brain sees itself relative to everything else. The left brains separates, the right bonds. The left seeks individuation, the right seeks merging. And so on.

Once more, do not think that I intend to diminish the necessary and important function of the left brain in living this individuated human life. It is a wondrous creation, that is vital to the experience of creation. I say this merely to point out that if you wish to know grace, this isn't the path that takes you there. Nor do I wish to diminish the contribution and potential of religion. Religions, especially those who invoke particular practices of inquiry, have the capacity to evoke faith and direct others to the knowing of God. However, if all it offers is belief without real experience, it is a dead end that take us in exactly the wrong direction.

If we would know faith, we must abandon our beliefs. If we would know God, we need to forsake our attempt to define it. Grace exists in every moment, in everything, in every action, in every being. Indeed, grace is all there is. Anything else is just a figment of our imagination, a label, a name, a value judgement, an attempt to define and limit. If we would know grace, we need to look for what is the same in all things. But don't BELIEVE me, find your own knowing, your own faith.

Together we rise

The Middle Path - A Neurological Perspective

I wish to continue with the theme of the middle path, this balance point between the polarities of life. I mentioned in the last blog that I believe the problem is ideation, where we give too much authority to ideas and philosophies rather than trusting in our natural knowing. I'd like to clarify that this doesn't mean that ideas are wrong, or that the 'rational' mind should be denied in favour of feelings and instincts. These faculties are all natural parts of our human being, designed to work together in harmony and balance. The problem only arises when we favour one or the other too heavily, and impair their natural communication with each other. Supportive evidence for this need for a balanced approach is now coming from the field of science, which for so long has pushed us too far to the mental side of life. It's emerging out of the very exciting field of biological psychology.

Advances in electro imaging technology, such as MRI and PET scans, are allowing investigators to form a remarkably detailed picture of which aspects of our brains are doing what. This has been going on for a while, in fact if you haven't heard something about the differences between our left and right brain you've probably been hiding out in a mountain cave for the last twenty years. Popular myth has it that the right side of our brain is the feminine, responsible for creativity, emotion, music, relationship, intuition and so forth. The left is the masculine, responsible for language, linear logic, goal seeking, planning and so forth.

These are gross over simplifications of the available evidence, but there is enough truth to them to make it a useful model for discussion. Investigators have found a way to temporarily 'lesion', or shut down particular areas of the brain, allowing them to determine what alters during these episodes of dysfunction. For instance, when certain areas of the left hemisphere are lesioned, the person experiences impairment in their capacity for speech, reasoning, definition, the passing of time and focussed thoughts. When particular areas of the right hemisphere are lesioned some people lose their ability to distinguish emotion, perceive patterns in information, recall events, and recognise faces.

Let me stress that these differences are not nearly as predictable or as defined as many popular books on the subject would assert, but they give rise to interesting questions. What we do know is the the separate hemispheres of the brain control the opposite side of the body, and that the right brain has long been considered the seat of creativity, free will, emotion and motivation - considered the feminine mind. In fact the Catholic church has been waging war against the right brain for centuries. The word sinister, which is latin for 'left' (sinistra) came to mean evil in church doctrine. Left handedness was considered the mark of the devil and children with a left handed dominance were still being ruthlessly suppressed and 'retrained' as late as the 1960's.

Brain imaging studies have shown us that states of deep meditation and prayer generate increased activity in the right cortex, indicating that this area of our brain is involved in our personal connection to spirituality. However, belief based thinking, such as that involved in religious theology and ritual, mainly involve the left cortex. What we also know is that people who have suffered serious trauma often have a tendency to favour left brain thinking, which some put down to a tendency to avoid emotionally linked memories which seem to involve the right brain.

It appears that these two polarities need to work together to produce the best results. Most genius level intellects and high achievers in fields of innovation are famous for being people who are active in using both parts of their brain. Einstein was a great example of this. He related that once he had assimilated all the available information on the subject, he would determine his objective (both left brain activities) and then give it to his unconscious to figure out. He would then get on with other things until it came back at him with a response, which usually took the form of symbolic images (right brain activity). But this doesn't just work for geniuses. Every day life is a balancing act between our analytic mind and our intuitive reasoning - between our emotional responses and our cognitive abilities.

We all know people who favour one aspect over the other, usually to their detriment. For instance, those who stray too far to the left and live their lives in a highly intellectual and emotionally disengaged manner are usually dreadful at relationship, inclined to overwork, pay too little attention to their health and often lead quite bland unsatisfying lives. On the other hand (so to speak), some people go too far the other way and live lives of intense emotional drama while being unable to plan, set goals, discipline themselves or reason very well. Progress towards happiness for these people usually only comes when they recognise the need to embrace the 'other side' of life and develop their neglected faculties.

It's actually quite natural that different people specialise and tend more one way than the other, it's part of the diversity of human existence that go's to make a whole and interesting society, so long as we don't take it so far that we lose personal balance. Fortunately we all have both capacities, the ability to engage both sides of our brain in concert and balance. No matter where we are, or which way we tend, its never too late too redress the balance. Perhaps we need to take an art class, or a course in critical thinking, learn to play an instrument or develop self discipline. Whatever the need, just recognising that we may be out of balance is the first step back towards the middle.

Grace be with you.

The Middle Path

In the last blog I made quick reference to The Budha's teaching of following the middle path. Budha was born the crown prince of his country and raised in a state complete insulation from his world. He was surrounded by wealth, love, and reverence - never being confronted with the harsher realities of life until the day when he was presented to his populace. On that day he was shocked and horrified by the poverty, pain and suffering that he had never seen. He was also ashamed of his own wealth and position, realising that it came at the expense of others. So much so that he ran away from his life of privilege and became a spiritual ascetic, living  naked in the forest with nothing to eat but mud and water. After eight years of living this way, emaciated and weak from starvation, he had a realisation that life and truth was all about balance, that one had to walk the middle path.

So what does this mean? For me it means that this is a world of polarities, that life exists somewhere between the extremes. Everything in this reality is polarised - hot and cold, dark and light, up and down, in and out, fast and slow, male and female and so on. So too with matters spiritual. We live on the razors edge between the infinite oneness that resides inside us, and the extraordinary individuality that is our existence. We are both the same as everyone else, and entirely unique. And so too with life. We each of us struggle to live a life balanced between competing differences - we try to balance work and play, giving and receiving, caring for others and looking after ourselves, speaking and listening, activity and rest, consumption and creation, adventure and security, belonging and individuating, etc. Every moment of every day involves choices we make about which way we are going to go. Do I eat more food, or take a walk? Do I clean the house, or watch TV? Do I spend time with those I love, or get into my hobby? Yet despite this enormous burden of choice, this ever present balancing act, most of us manage to get through the day successfully - until we don't.

Therein lies the problem, sometimes we get it wrong, sometimes we get it horribly wrong, sometimes we get so far out of balance that life becomes unbearable. I think it would be rare to find a person today who hasn't got at least one area of their life where the balance is out of whack. Perhaps they work too much, eat too much, give too much, let too much slide, or covet too much. Perhaps they love too little, take too little, laugh too little. So many lives today are consumed with greed and dreams of wealth, at the expense of their family's, their friends, their lovers. While others take too little and sacrifice their own wellbeing for dreams of love that never comes. As always the question of the hour is this - why and how do we get so far out of balance?

The easiest way to answer that question is to ask another - how is it that we manage to stay in balance at all? How, with the vast array of competing polarities and impossible choices, do we ever get it right? Certainly the complexity of life is too much for our poor feeble minds to handle. So what other forces must be at work just to get us to the end of each day intact and reasonably sane? My belief is that we manage to get it right so much of the time exactly because we don't give it to our minds to figure out. In truth, the vast majority of our actions and choices are happening at the unconscious level. We experience them as instincts, feelings, intuitions, desires, hungers, frustrations, longings, whims, fancies and inexplicable urges - rarely questioned and almost always acted upon.

It seems that we are built to carry out this delicate act of balancing, with little need for our minds intrusions. Our mind gets to know about the decision after it's been made. Sometimes it gets to figure how to put the decision into action, but rarely gets to influence the decision itself. I would go so far as to suggest that it is truly our hearts (the middle chakra, the balance point between the two polarities) that gets to make our decisions. That for the most part, we walk the middle path that Buddha, echoed and affirmed by every great teacher throughout the ages, spoke of.

So to come back to the original question, why do we get so far out of balance? It seems to me that the problem here is ideation, which is to say that we forget to trust in our hearts and entrust it to our mind. We lose touch with our instinctive wisdom, because we have given authority to ideas - to philosophies, beliefs, creeds, political theories, religions, charismatic personalities and so on. We have failed to place our faith where it truly belongs, in the quiet still voice gently whispering in our hearts.

Is there anything so dangerous as a good idea? Is there anything more likely to disrupt our connection to the divine than a grand religious theory? Anything quicker to destroy the peace of society than the latest all encompassing Utopian dream?

Does balance and truth really come from having the answers or from the willingness to keep asking the questions, a moment by moment inquiry, what needs to happen right now?

Walking Between the Worlds

My path to grace began with a childhood fascination with the Tarot. Without knowing why, I found myself compelling drawn to these evocative images. Over the ensuing years I studied all I could about it, but it wasn't until much later that it truly revealed itself. In 1998 I sat down to write a course on reading Tarot, and discovered that the words appearing on the screen were both achingly familiar and totally unknown to me. I found myself channeling the wisdom of Grace, and it was laying out in my mind the true teaching of the Tarot, which are an extension of the knowledge of the Kabbala. So what has this got to do with anything?

Well, the image you see to the right is one of the many depictions of the lesson of Temperance. In many traditions, this is called the path of enlightenment, what Budha called 'walking between the worlds'. Reaching enlightenment indicates that the person lives both in the world of form and in the world of spirit, or grace. Actually, this is what everyone is doing all the time, we are spirit made flesh, god in creation. However, when we take form we go usually through a process of forgetting our spirit self in order to inhabit our physical self. If we didn't, we would find it very difficult to go from the experience of  unlimited grace and power to the experience of limitation, vulnerability and not-oneness. If we didn't forget, adjusting to this new reality with it's potentials for pain and frustration would be almost impossible.

However, we are not meant to forget forever. Over time our spiritual self gradually and naturally makes itself known, unless this process is interfered with, usually by false religions and socialisation designed to keep us in ignorance of our true being. Continued forgetting is disastrous to our wellbeing, it's like trying to motivate a car after we've run out of petrol, all hard work and frustration. When we have become over identified with a self concept of limitation, life can become hard and meaningless. Life stops being an adventure in form, and becomes a journey in suffering. The opposite is also true - if we are trying to live in the world of spirit and deny the world of form we've missed the point entirely. The trick is living with our awareness in both worlds, deeply centered in the world of spirit but thoroughly and joyfully immersed in our physical reality. Enlightenment is the process of undoing this forgetting and learning to reconcile the two seemingly separate realities. Grace is the mechanism that spirit provides to achieve this.

Of course, the question is how? In the Tarot, Temperance is the final lesson in the path of enlightenment. It is the teaching of En-joy-ing, meaning that we bring joy into everything by having an attitude of meeting all experience with joy. However, coming to this point is a process best learned in stages. In future blogs I'll be talking about the six lessons of grace that precede Temperance, designed to move us naturally to a place where we can greet every moment of life with joyful welcome. For now, you might like to play with the idea that joy is not so much a product of the reality you face, but a result of the attitude with which you face it. It's the decisions I make about what is happening that determine whether my experience is one of suffering or one of exstacy. When I greet each moment as an adventure, an opportunity to experience the wonder of life, I naturally find the good in it and respond from a place of power and creativity.

Grace be with you

Blessings Be

The most powerful ways I know to experience grace and all the blessings it offers, is to offer grace to others in the form of blessing. This doesn't mean you have to wave your hands in the air and chant strange rituals at people. Blessing is simply another word for positively recognising other people. When I bless someone else I choose to see the good (grace) inside them, and acknowledge it openly. Everyone blesses all the time. We bless our friends, our families, and our co-workers every time we smile, embrace, validate and encourage. It's an ancient truth that the more we bless others, the more blessed we are. It could be said that all the world really needs is more blessing, but it isn't always as easy as it sounds. There are a number of barriers to blessing which we may have to get past.

The first, and the worst, is a sense of unworthiness, the idea that we have no blessing to offer - that our opinion is not important or valuable to others. Sadly this low opinion of ourselves arises because we have not received the kind of blessing and validation we needed. Even more sadly, this is a cyclical condition where, because of other peoples failure to bless us, we now feel we cannot bless others, who then feel they cannot bless others and so on. Fortunately it only takes one person to break this cycle. One person to think "well, maybe I don't think my opinion is worth much, but perhaps it can give some small joy to another anyway. Maybe I'll give it a go and see what happens". I don't know about you, but the times in my life where someone has taken the trouble to offer me blessing and recognition stick out boldy in my memory. Not only because they are rarer than I might like, but because they feel so damn good. It didn't matter to me who that person was, only that they took the time to care.

The second barrier to blessing is anger. Most people carry the pain of not receiving the blessing and validation they would like. Most people feel unnapreciated, taken for granted and unrecognised at some point in their life. For some, perhaps many, this can turn into a vengeful resentment. "If the world won't give me the blessing I need, then I'm not giving it to them either". I wish I could say that this is uncommon, but it isn't. Many of us feel that we have an empty cup, and therefore don't make the effort to fill the cup of others, lest it cost us what little we have. The reality of life is very different. Blessing not only costs us nothing but it has the strange effect that as we fill up the cup of others, so ours is filled. When I get into this sort of mindset I try to ask myself this question "Is this the person I want to be". Do I want to be part of the problem, or part of the solution?

The third barrier to blessing is fear. Fear that we might appear weak or needy. Fear that our blessing may not be welcome. Fear that the other may be embarrased. Fear that it might fall on deaf ears, be struck down on the rocks of the other persons feelings of unworthiness. Fear that we might be ridiculed or rejected. Fear that others might misinterpret our offering, see it as angling for something we want in return. Fear that others might grow attached and dependent on us. Fear that we will always be the one giving, and not receive the blessings we long for. Fear with a thousand faces. There are two good remedies for fear. The first is courage, the wilingness to decide that the benefits outweigh the risk. The willingness to allow other people to have their reactions and hold fast to the purity of our intent. The second remedy is skill - there are ways of offering blessing to others that are hard to misinterpret, hard to deny and hard to resist.

Not all Blessings are Created Equal

I wish that they were, for certainly the intent is equal in it's lovingness, but the undeniable fact is that there is a skill to good blessing. There is an old principle that when it comes to communication the progentior is 100% responsible. This means that we are responsible not only for what what we say, but for how it is heard. This is harsh, because our words are often being filtered through the other persons worldview, but if we wish our words to have effect we need to take the time to understand their worldview and tailor our message to it. The intention of blessing is to communicate love and acceptance, so if our intention is true, the extra effort shouldn't be too much trouble.

As blessings go compliments are tricky and easy to misinterpret. They often hit up against the barriers of the other persons low self esteem, and sometimes can be interpreted as 'flattery', which is esentially self serving. If you tell someone that they are beautiful for instance, you may offend them because they could have a history of being objectified and exploited for their beauty, and not respected for their character. That's not to say that compliments don't work at all, but to give an effective compliment we usually have to make sure that it is very specific. It needs to be tailored to the the person's view of themselves, to praise in them something that they value in themselves. If we compliment someone for something that they are unable to recognise about themselves, our words will fall on deaf ears. If we compliment them for something that they do not value about themselves, or something that represents a limitation to them, they may even resent it.

Similarly, praise and encouragement can be seen as patronising and arrogant, or downright manipulative. Most people like to be praised, but only if the person praising them is someone who's opinion they respect and value. Sadly, many people who are in the habit of easily praising others, are often using charm to manipulate for personal gain. This leads to a general distrust and wariness of those who offer praise. Praise and encouragement usually requires a pre-existing bond of intimacy, or no room for doubt about the givers intentions, to be readily received.

The most effective and readily accepted form of blessing is usually a communication that lets the other person know that they have made a positive contribution to the speakers life. Everyone has an inbuilt need to make a contribution and be seen as a valuable member of their community. For all our modern obsession with what we can 'get', it is our ability to give that brings us happiness and self esteem. In fact, the most damaging thing that happens to our self esteem in this world is where others fail to recognise what we have to offer. So if you really want to let someone know that you value them, ask yourself what it is that they bring to your experience of life, and tell them about it.

Together we rise.

Healing the Ego - part III

I've tried to establish that the Ego is not the enemy of life, happiness and all things spiritual. I've also attempted to convince you that it is what happens to the ego in the process of being socialised to an unhealthy society, rather than it's innate properties, that causes our suffering and sense of separation from the divine. I'd like to expand on exactly how the ego becomes shattered in this way. The ego is meant to be a fluid mechanism, constantly adapting to encompass and incorporate all aspects of our being. As we develop during childhood different faculties and abilities, (thought, willfulness, curiosity, sexuality etc) come online at various stages. In a healthy family system these emergences would be welcomed and validated, leading to their natural incorporation into our evolving identity.

In many family systems certain aspects of our being are not welcomed, causing what psychologists call arrested development, which means that the ego has to adapt to the situation by supressing and defending against these parts of ourselves. This takes the form of various messages, beliefs and decisions that we make in order to survive - such as "it's not safe to tell the truth", "my sexuality is dirty and needs to be hidden" or "who I am is not right". These are known as trauma messages and they affect our entire system. Typically trauma messages have a cognitive component such as a belief, an affective component (our feelings) and a connotative component, being our attitudes and behaviours. For instance, if you are punished for speaking your truth you might make the decision that "my truth is bad" (cognitive) which will produce feelings of fear, shame, guilt and probably anger (affective). This will often result in behaviours such as withdrawing, people pleasing, secrecy and passive aggression against yourself or others.

To complicate thing even further, as time goes on you may forget the cause of these behaviours entirely and then start to berate yourself for them. Addictions and self destructive or self limiting behaviours all started their life as adaptations that were trying to protect you and ensure your survival. The result for the ego is that it stops being a fluid  mechanism and becomes a rigid unhelathy identity, which has trouble evolving and adapting to new situations. It is this ego 'state' that separates us from ourself and from grace. So, how do we go about undoing this egoic calcification? I like to continue with the tree analogy and treat is like gardening. To create a great garden (healthy ego) their are several stages we have to go through.

(1) Attention: Left to itself, this ego state will simply continue on becoming more and more choked up with trauma mesages, much as an untended garden becomes overgrown with weeds. The first thing we need to do is to end the denial and recognise that our garden is in need of loving care, of being tended with the correct tools. This is very different from trying to erradicate the problem from a place of frustration and self hatred. We are not trying to kill it off (poisons) or force it to look acceptable (lawnmower), but to gently revive it to it's original beauty (getting our hands dirty).

(2) Weeding:  This is the cognitive component of our work. We need to sort through the jungle to discover which parts are worth keeping and which are weeds to be removed. The weeds are all the repressive and self degrading thoughts, beliefs and decisions we have made. It's important to realise that even weeds have been useful, in that they have kept life going in our garden. Our 'negative patterns' are actually earlier survival strategies and need to be appreciated and loved even as we remove them from our minds. In fact, it is only though love and compassion that we are able to tell the difference between the two.

(3) Tilling the Soil:  This is the emotional component of our work. As we are pulling the weeds (negative messages) from their place we unearth the feelings buried beneath them. Our feelings naturally release and heal, given the opportunity, but we need to be willing to turn over soil and allow them to come to the surface, where they can evaporate in the sunlight. Our feelings are the emotional indicators that let us know we have been believing untrue things about ourselves. By tiling our emotional soil we rebuild our relationship with who we really are.

(4) Sowing the Seeds: Weeds are the result of our soil being sown with bad seeds (negative messages). To encourage a healthy garden we need to sow with good seeds (healthy messages) and encourage the goods seeds that are already there (our supressed self) to emerge. When we plant loving thoughts in our carefully tilled soil they will slowly grow to create loving feelings and loving self sustaining behaviours.

(5) Watering: Healing, like gardening, takes time. There is the intial satisfaction of seeing the weeds removed, but without continual loving care and replanting of healthy seeds, the garden will simply grow rank once more. Our new beautiful seedlings need plenty of care. This is where grace can be the most useful. By undertaking a practice of regular communion with divine grace we are bring our ego the fresh clean water and gentle sunlight it needs to truly flourish. As our healthy thoughts grow they become strong trees, providing shade and protection for the tender life beneath them and keeping the weeds at bay.

(6) Sharing the Beauty: A garden is not truly great until it's beauty is shared. As we grow in health and love we have much to offer others. Inspiration, gentle advice, a helping hand when their weeds have overwhelmed them. By tending to our garden we become able to help others tend to theirs in their moments of need. Together we create a beautiful world.

Of course, a lot of people haven't got the faintest idea how to go about tending their own garden and are truly overwhelmed by the forest of weeds that choke their minds with dark and thorny thoughts. That's where we need to look around us, we find someone who's garden is healthier than ours, and ask for help. People with healthy gardens always want to help others. As we are nourished, so we want to nourish.

The final thing I'd like to say is this. Always remember that you are never broken, that your garden is never dead, no matter how many weeds seem to dominate and oppress it. Just below the soil lie the seeds of your true self merely waiting for the monent when you clear a patch for them to emerge in. We have no need to know what the final result will look like. We merely need to start, to get down in the dirt and dig for the beauty within us.

Together we grow.