Living from Being

The Freedom Trap

2011-01-16T06:16:00.000-08:00

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose,

and nothin' ain't worth nothing but it's free"

From "Me and Bobby McGee"

If there has ever been a more poignant piece of wisdom couched in the lyrics of a popular song, it must be one that I haven't heard. Every time I listen to this I'm reminded of where I live, the Northern Rivers of NSW. This area is awash in leftover Hippies who hoard their freedom like Scrooge Mcduck hoards his gold, locking it away safe and sound lest they ever need it.

And like gold, freedom only's value is in the spending. While it sits there uselessly idle it must be protected and defended at all costs. No commitments can be made, lest they create restrictions on other possibilities. No actions can be taken, should they lead to the consequence of further action being needed. No gifts may be received, opportunities taken or engagements made, lest they give rise to obligations. One must sit like a frightened Dragon jealously guarding ones hoard, not daring to stretch it's magnificent wings and fly into the wide blue sky lest some thief come to steal it away.

In this way freedom becomes the ultimate trap, for what is freedom if it is not the freedom to 'DO' something. If we allow our need for freedom to paralyse us in this way, we are bound as tight as the most desperate of slaves. We are literally without choice, for every choice requires of us that we spend some of our precious freedom. How ironic, that to truly 'enjoy our freedoms' we must relinquish them. Though I speak satirically, I am constantly saddened by the number of people who have fallen into the freedom pit. I watch them writhe around in an agonising illusion of joy, desperately defending against anything that might make a claim on them, completely unaware that the sharpened stakes that are pricking at their bare flesh are actually the myriad thousands of natural impulses and drives that are urging them towards a life of meaning and fulfillment.

"To be or not to be" said the bard. Though I bend this sentiment (perhaps) a little from it's intended mark, I think it nonetheless relevant. "To choose or not to choose" , "to act or not to act", 'to love or not to love" might be some of the many interpretations we can draw, bringing us eventually to the rub - "to live or not to live" - THAT is the question.

Narcissism and the New Age

2010-12-11T16:51:00.000-08:00

Aaaaah the drama of it all.

I recently found myself trapped in a room with an injured new ager. Now I'm not talking about someone who watched 'The Secret' a couple of times, but the real deal. Budhha heads (the new age fruit bowl) adorning every surface, a morning circle of the house with Tibetan bells and arcane chanting to scare away the evil spirits (amazing how easy it is to scare away evil spirits these days), twice weekly smudging to cleanse the house of 'negative vibes', prayer flags hanging across every opening lest dark entities seek admittance in the middle of the night - you get the picture.

So anyway, it seems that during a terribly meaningful new age social event someone knocked a wine glass over, causing it to shatter and impale this persons foot. To the average person this falls into the 'shit happens, deal with it' category of life experience. But to the dedicated new ager this is a highly symbolic event involving deep messages about 'lack of support', spiritual interventions to get the person to 'slow down' and unhealed childhood wounding. Quick someone call a clairvoyant. Of course such an event requires intense discussion with a large range of friends and any poor sucker who hasn't managed to escape the persons immediate orbit with sufficient speed.

Now it seems that this person is in need of a pair of crutches for a little while, which for most people would involve a quick trip to the emergency department of the local hospital to loan a pair. Not so easy for the new age mind though. There are many dangers inherent to such an adventure, a myriad of social implications about supporting the 'system', the psychic risk of entering such an unenlightened institution, the potential for other peoples negativity to attach itself to the unwary traveler and of course the fact that it might cost a small amount of money. All of this must of course, be weighed and considered in a conversation that takes at least an hour, eventually requiring an elaborate escapade involving at least 4 people (the injured person plus three others to provide psychic protection in their time of disability).

GOOD GOD. Will you people PLEASE get a life.

Half the planet is starving to death and most of the rest live under the burden of poverty, oppression, tyranny and debilitating disease and your making a spiritual saga out of a minor injury. This is the travesty of western privilege and narcissism taken to the very extreme. People who's lives are so empty of anything truly meaningful that they have to construct an endless drama in which everyday mundane occurrences are imbued with universe shaking importance. Apparently the great creator, with the responsibility of endless life forms on endless planets circling endless stars in an endless universe is taking time out to give deep meaningful 'messages' to a bunch of spoilt, unemployed, self indulgent children who can't find anything useful to do with their lives.

With all the suffering in the words, all the people who are truly in need of a helping hand, all the causes and injustices that could do with some real attention and energy - the best these people can find to do is to gaze endlessly into the reflection of their own spiritual ego. I guess I should be more compassionate and understanding, but I hate to think of all that 'good energy' going to feed something so irrelevant when it could be feeding starving children.

People ask me why I'm so anti new age. I'm not really. Anything that connects people to something greater than themselves or inspires them to a more loving and engaged life is OK in my book. However I have little patience for things that simply give people the licence to live useless, small and self focussed lives. Life is a gift that requires us to be engaged and participating if it is to have any meaning. It is our interaction with the 'whole', with life itself that make it worth doing. Or in other words, the meaning of life is life.

The true tragedy of our new age friends injury is that it can create for them such a sense of tragedy and drama. For someone who was engaged in a life worth living, this would be nothing more than a minor inconvenience - easily overcome and soon forgotten. Certainly not something that requires hours of discussion about what it really 'means'. I can't imagine that Nelson Mandela ever spent much time cogitating over a stubbed toe or sprained wrist.

Divine Humanity

2010-03-05T03:45:00.000-08:00

If there is one theme, one assertion that lies at the core of all my postings, it is this. That there is no separation between the world of Humanity and the world of God. No duality, no veils to be lifted, no qualitative difference at all. To be Human is to be Divine.

Further I would say that until a person has come to this knowing, all spiritual pursuits are vain idolatry and wasted time. Mostly they are actually attempts to obfuscate the truth by creating a false perception of separation. This is done with sincere intent, in that the spiritual seeker is truly caught in the belief that their humanity is somehow inferior to divine reality, but nonetheless it is a false path. The 'Course in Miracles' refers to such pursuits as delaying tactics, designed to put off the day when we look into the mirror and see the Son of God looking back at us.

Which leads to the question of why we would do this? Why would we hide from ourselves the magnificent truth of who we really are, while we suffer under terrible delusions of inadequacy, isolation and worthlessness? The answer is simple. This is in fact the purpose of the Ego, to create a wholly believable perception of separateness. Without this perception, this identity of limitation, we could not truly exist in human form and participate in the adventure of creation. If we were not able to forget that we are in fact the child of God, with all of God's power and abilities, we could not reconcile our perception to the experience of limitation that is human life. It would be like going to see a movie while constantly repeating to ourselves that it isn't real - there would be no point and no enjoyment in going. In the same way that we must be able to suspend disbelief and engage in the experience of the movie to enjoy it, we must be able to forget the true scope of our self to enjoy the game of life.

Of course, this begs the the question of why do any of this in the first place. Well, why not? Imagine that you are the son of God - omnipotent, omniscient, invulnerable and endlessly creative. Limitless power, limitless love, and limitless oneness. After a time wouldn't you begin to wonder what it was like NOT to be all this? What it is like to know limitation, vulnerability, struggle and striving? Well, we did - and here we are. Of course to HAVE the experience of diversity instead of oneness you have to create a whole lot of different forms to occupy - the body. To KNOW this experience you have to create a way of perceiving yourself as limited to the individual forms you are occupying. Thus you create the Ego, whose primary program is to make sure that you do not realise that you are not merely the form you occupy.

Yet, like all good games, it eventually must come to an end. In the final reel we always wake to the fact of who we are, and it is this sense of a deeper knowing that first leads us into the spiritual path. The problem is that in our attempts to deepen our experience we can be led onto a great many dead ends. Many eastern religions, and the major western ones, teach the path of renunciation. The theory is that by detaching from the world and our humanity we remove the distractions that keep us from the awareness of our God nature. It works too, if you are willing to spend the next thirty years siting in a cave on a mountain.

It's also completely unnecessary. The game is designed to arrive at this conclusion without any extra effort required. As we mature our experience naturally and simply deepens until we arrive at the knowing of our true nature. This path is known by many names, some being the 'Tantric' Path or the 'path of life' . It's not really a 'path' at all, because all it requires of us is that we embrace and surrender to our humanity. At the point where we have become truly integrated with our humanity we discover the divinity of our experience. The truth is that every event that ever happens to us is guiding us towards our eventual and unavoidable awakening - all we need do is trust life. Easier said than done, I know.

That is, unless this natural process of maturation is interrupted or retarded - usually by our attempts to detach from or resist our humanity and our natural life experience. Oh well, it wouldn't be much of a game if it didn't present some challenges.

Food, glorious food

2009-11-06T14:08:00.000-08:00

Food, Glorious Food

For as long as I can remember I have battled with a food addiction. It has been the defining negative behaviour of my life, my great nemesis, my own personal Moby Dick. Like Moby Dick it seems to lurk in the unseen depths, leaping up suddenly to wreak havoc and destruction on my world. I meet it with futile rage, powerless in the face of it majesty and absolute refusal to submit to my wishes and demands. Though I speak about it with a satirical edge of drama, it has been a serious source of suffering for me. I have woken every day to find it dominating my thoughts, controlling my actions, and impacting on my health, wellbeing and self esteem.

No attempts to address it have ever worked. A long line of therapists, books, practices, diets, mind changing methodologies, 12 step programs and other desperations have failed miserably. Over time I had become aware that the harder I tried to 'handle' it, the worse it became. The more I tried to control it, the stronger it got. Eventually we arrived at a uneasy truce where I gave in by simply not trying to manage it, merely hoping each day that it would not cause too great a problem for me. I was a beaten man, suffering my pain in a miasma of silent debilitating shame and confusion. Welcome to the dark side of my life.

However, you may notice that I am writing in the past tense. this weekend gone, that all changed. Today I am a man released from a terrible imprisonment, no longer gripped by the iron fist of self hatred. What has freed me is a simple realisation, a moment of blinding insight that left me laughing stupidly in joy and wonder. Want to know what it is? (I'm teasing).

JOY. My addiction is the manifestation of repressed joy. Far from the terrible trauma or shameful secret I imagined it to be - at the core of this behaviour is a delicious, delectable, degustatory deluge of delight. I LOVE FOOD. I absolutely adore food, in all its forms (OK, not shellfish). I love it's sweetness, it's tang, its texture and its taste. Food is one of the great joys of my life, one of the major benefits of being in a body on planet Earth. I mean, seriously, I know that 'breatharians' and others who stick to regimens of dietary purity are reputed to live long lives, but why bother. If the cost of such longevity is the denial of such pleasure I really cant see the point.

Food, Glorious Food. Food brings me incredible joy, and the only reason I've been overdoing it for all these years is that I have not been allowing myself to have that joy, to en-joy my food. Why? Because the messages I received as a small child around the enjoyment of food were extremely negative. "Don't be a guts", "you'll get fat", "Don't let anyone see you", "be moderate", "watch your weight", "Don't be greedy", "always leave some on your plate" and so forth. My simple joy was turned by these into a shameful secret. By the time I was 12 years old I used to sneak out when everyone else had gone to bed and eat where no one could see me enjoy it, then crawl back to bed feeling ashamed and guilty but finally satisfied.

I have thought all my life that the problem was this eating that I needed to control, while all along the problem has been the belief that I needed to control my eating. Since making this discovery I haven't been overeating at all. Now when I eat, I sit down and really enjoy it. By allowing myself to finally have my joy, to receive the gift of this human life, I naturally stop eating at the point where I'm satisfied. I no longer need to run back for seconds and thirds because the child in me has been allowed his simple joys without being berated and repressed. Since making this discovery the weight has been gradually coming off, not because I try to 'lose it' through diet and exercise, but because I no longer overeat and I naturally want to live an active life. This is life the way grace designed it to be, an instinctive and effortless balancing act that requires no interference from a frightened mind.

In other words - enjoying my food isn't the problem - it's the solution. the problem was in not trusting myself, not trusting nature, not trusting grace and not trusting joy. So I hope you will join me in celebrating my new found freedom, and maybe even find some hidden joy of your own.

In Joy I trust.

The Satan Game

2009-09-26T05:55:00.000-07:00

A dear friend of mine recently invited me along to see a 'teacher' they are in to. Reluctantly I agreed, only to find my reluctance justified. Don't get me wrong , I think teachers are fine and have benefited greatly from sitting with many people who were able to connect me more deeply to grace and to myself. But not all teachers are equal. In my experience their are two types of teacher. The first are those who, from their own grace and knowing, facilitate us in the discovery of ourselves. The second being those who are playing, or are caught in, what I call the "Satan Game".

The Satan game is both very simple and highly complex. It is simple in that it boils down to one simple message: "You are not okay the way you are, and you need to be fixed/changed/evolved or in some way improved". It is complex because it invariably involves a huge edifice of complicated and seductive theories, levels, practices and lessons that must be learnt in order for us to earn our way back into love/bliss/redemption or power. Of course, all this arcane knowledge we apparently require can only be gained at the discretion of the guru/master/teacher who has the inside scoop on deep secrets that transcend everybody else's inferior or 'less evolved' understandings. Usually, but not always, this involves handing over large amounts of money. It always involves handing over large amounts of personal power.

This one was no exception. A self declared reincarnation of Jesus (3rd one I've met so far), this particular character proceeded to enlighten us with the knowledge that he was the only being to ever transition the entire 22 dimensions of God's universe and return to Earth. Of course, the rest of us slobs were only at the first level along with the billions of other spirits stuck in this desperate purgatory. But have no fear, with the aid of his deep wisdom that no one else has access to (of course) we would soon be be able to rocket to the head of the queue and achieve the heady bliss awaiting the devoted at level 22.

Now I've seen quite a few of these guys over the years, but this one was probably the most impressive in terms of having the act down. After a while you get to recognise the tricks of the trade.

Step 1: Establish some sort of entirely unprovable 'spiritual authority' (i.e. I'm Jesus).
Step 2: Speak the predictable 'objections' of the audience (an old door to door sales trick).
Step 3: Establish the idea that the audience are 'free to choose' and that the presenter is in no way attached to the audience members choices (actually, only the really good ones do this).
Step 4: Create the context in which anyone who is 'close minded' or 'resistant' is just working through their 'stuff' or denying themselves the growth and learning they really need. This particular teacher managed to imply that anyone who expressed objections was committing an unloving act on the rest of the audience (Always nice to see something new).
Step 5: Deal with all questions or challenges by a process of 'engulfment'. this means that rather than argue with the challenger the presenter acknowledges what their saying in such a way that it makes it seem the challengers ideas are valid, but a 'lower' form of understanding.
Step 6: Once having quelled all audience dissent, proceed to establish that the audience members reality is an inferior experience, implying that this is because of some flaw or limitation in their understanding or evolution.
Step 7: Proceed to outline the path by which the listener may redeem themselves to the heights of spiritual ecstasy as defined by the presenter. Of course, this path is a deep and mysterious thing that cannot never be fully described or understood, but must be experienced under the guidance of the teacher.

Or something like that. There are a few other things to look out for. There will always be enough 'truth' in the teachings to get them past casual inspection and make them seem superficially attractive. The good ones will appear humble, simple and sincere (they may even be sincere in their belief - that why I call it the Satan game - the deception can be at any level). There will always be the promise of being special or privileged, an attractive idea to the wounded egos that are drawn to these teachers. Last but not least, none of the teachings will ever be provable or backed up by empirical evidence and you will almost always be encouraged to 'go beyond' your mind and 'transcend' or 'release' any feelings that might be objecting to the program. Though the very best will also 'engulf' rather than oppose these.

See what I mean about highly complicated? Fortunately, there is a simple way to tell the difference. If we assume for a minute that the universe is the manifestation of a loving Creator, would such a being really do this to their creations? Would a loving God create all these tests and trials? the idea that happiness can only be found by leaping though extraordinary spiritual hoops is absurd. The premise that any one being would be of greater worth or value than another is sick. The concept that we would have to strive against impossible odds and unearth hidden secrets that are only revealed to a few 'special ones' is basically cruel. If you were God, would you do this to your children?

No is the answer. There is only one 'truth' we ever need to know. "We are BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT, just the way we ARE". Every problem we can ever have, every moment of suffering we can ever know, comes from forgetting that simple truth. All the horrible things we do to ourselves and each other come from the simple fact that we have come to believe something different to this. In the moment that I accept this truth everything else falls away. I can no longer believe in 'levels' of love or spiritual attainment. I can no longer see myself or others as broken and in need of fixing. I can no longer see my reality as something that needs to be transcended or transformed. I can, in that knowledge, only be who I am.

So what is the purpose of the Satan Game? To hide the simple truth that we are OK just as we are. It has to be complicated, seductive, and full of outlandish promises or we'd see though it too easily. Why does it exist? Beats me, I only know that it does, and that it is easily seen through with a single question. Does what this person is saying connect me to the knowledge that I'm OK, or does it try to convince me that I'm not?

Together we rise

Seek and you shall . . . . seek?

2009-09-16T05:34:00.000-07:00

I live in Byron Bay, the California of Australia. replete with sunshine, great surf, fabulous weather, high unemployment and every imaginable type of therapist, healer, workshop and spiritual pursuit. A veritable 'seekers' paradise. Let me define what I mean by a seeker. Seekers are a subculture of privileged western society who are in search of spiritual attainment. The stated goal of a seeker is this indefinable thing thing called enlightenment. Why indefinable? Because if you can't define it, you can't know when you've attained it.

Seekers congregate in places like Byron Bay, Los Angeles and Goa because the lifestyle is excellent and no one expects you to have a job. If one is going to be seeking, it might as well be somewhere comfortable and enjoyable. Seekers drink coffee or green tea in little street side cafes where they meet with other seekers. Seekers have tried every sort of spiritual practice, sat with every guru, done dozens of workshops, seen every sort of therapist, and try to make a little extra cash to supplement the welfare cheque by offering their services as whatever sort of healer they can claim to be.Seekers do yoga, have numerous short term relationships, experiment with Tantric sex, despise religion, protest against capitalism and governments, talk about how they would have an electric car if they could afford one and tell you their big dreams of living sustainable lives.

I used to be a seeker. Hell, why not? It sure beat working for a living, the women have great bodies (all that yoga) and 'progressive' attitudes towards sex, and as long as you talk endlessly about saving the world from those dirty capitalist dogs no one expects you to actually make some sort of contribution or assume any sort of responsibility. It's a cruisy life, a sort of spiritual hedonism with the added benefit of getting to think you're one of the 'special ones'. Homo superior just waiting for the rest of the world to catch up with your spiritual development and recognise your trailblazing wisdom.

The problem is that I did, quite by accident, the one thing that a seeker is never allowed to do. I found. "Wait a minute" I hear you say, Isn't that the goal of every seeker? Well actually, NO. The goal of a seeker is to seek. Ceaseless, vigorous, determined seeking. If you actually find what you are apparently seeking you lose all the benefits of being a seeker. No more spiritual ego trips and delusions of superiority. No more free ride at the expense of those 'normals' you so deftly deride. No more excuses for transient relationships that you really can't commit to because they might interfere with your 'spiritual progression'. No more grandiose delusions of saving the world to compensate for your almost total lack of usefulness and contribution.

The problem with actually 'finding' is in what you 'find'. Finding is not an achievement or a triumph. Not an elevation to sainthood or eternal freedom from pain and suffering. Not a free ride to wealth, sex and power. Not the attainment of magical powers and mystical wisdom. Finding is the simple realisation that you are just like everyone else. Just as divine, glorious and amazing as everyone else. Just as deluded, selfish, violent and flawed as everyone else. Just as capable of love and of evil. Just as frightened, just as deceitful, just as noble, just as responsible for the state of things, just as small and powerless, just as creative and resourceful, just as dependent on the good will of others, just as capable of kindness.

Finding does bring freedom, but it brings tremendous responsibility too. The freedom it brings is freedom from the need to be special, to be different, to be perfect, to be superior, to be extraordinary. The responsibility it brings is to play you part in the great game of creation, to contribute, to love, to ease the burden of others, to look after yourself, to cry for your suffering and the pain of your brother, to make the world a better place because of your presence in it.

Seeking is easy. It's merely the act of an immature ego inflating itself with dreams of separation, specialness and the easy way out. Finding is hard. Its the surrender of a mature ego to the realities of life and the responsibilities of love. So how do you 'find'? Simple - you stop seeking. You recognise that your seeking is a trick you are playing on yourself. Nothing more than a fantasy you use to distract yourself from what is right in front of you - life. A Course in Miracles calls seeking 'delaying tactics'. Trying to put off the moment in which the ego must surrender it'a attempt to 'rule' the kingdom and take up its alloted service role.

That which is real has never been hidden, never been lost, never been obscured from our view. It is simple reality. Sometimes joyful and exciting, sometimes hard and daunting.So why, you may ask, should we stop seeking and simply 'find' what has always been in front of us? Because it is the only way that peace and happiness can ever be ours. Heaven is not the absence of pain, difficulty and effort. It is the willingness, the bravery, to respond to them with love. It is the adventure of life, faced with simple courage, and the supporting hand of grace. But grace can only help those who are prepared to give up the isolation of egotism and specialness, and rejoin the ranks of our shared humanity. Grace is only present in that which is real.

The Invitation - stop seeking, FIND.

Together we rise.

The REAL Law of Attraction

2009-07-27T06:45:00.000-07:00

So I guess you've seen 'The Secret', or read one of the many books available on how you can use the so called 'law of attraction' to make your dreams come true. A little positive thinking, some creative visualisation and a few affirmations should have you driving that shiny new Porsche in no time at all - and without any effort, work or outlay either. After all, you are the creative force of the universe aren't you? You can have anything you want, use the power of God at your whim, remake reality to your liking with a single thought, right?

Oh, but hang on a minute. That's not really the experience you've been having is it? Nor does it seem to be anyone else's experience. Must be those pesky negative beliefs getting in the way. Maybe you just need to work harder at those self affirming affirmations, be more vigilant about watching those annoying self sabotage thoughts (where'd they come from?), make your visualisations more vivid and emotionally engaging. Of course if all that fails, it doesn't really mean it isn't true, it's just that the universe is having to teach you more lessons before the gates of wealth and power open to you.

It has to be true. All those people selling you these ideas and concepts seem to be doing all right. Then again, they do seem to be using your money to do it. Strange that. If their so good at all this manifesting, why do they need to sell you all these expensive training programs, books and DVD's to make their dreams come true. But it just has to be true, doesn't it. If it isn't true, if all this power is not yours to use, then who are you? Just another human being getting pushed around by the big bad world, having to slave away at a job just like everyone else? Merely another normal person facing all the trials and tribulations of this unpredictable, overwhelming, difficult little life.

Well, perhaps neither of these realities is entirely true. Maybe there is a middle path. It's possible that we do in fact have a part to play in the great story of creation, that we do have some power over what comes our way - just perhaps not as much as we would like to think. It's also possible that we have some limitations to deal with, that reality requires something of us before it rewards us with our dreams fulfilled. Maybe it's not really us who are making the rules here.

After all, imagine for a minute a reality in which your every desire is instantly fulfilled, and so is everyone else's. We're going to need a lot of super models, expensive cars, big houses and platinum credit cards. If everyone is rolling in it, who's going to serve us our double espresso latte in the morning? Who cleans the toilets, changes the babies nappy, does the really hard jobs, or the boring ones? If everyone has three investment properties, who's renting them? you don't have to think about this very far to realise that there's a pretty big hole in this Utopian ideal. For your reality to be everlasting ease and comfort, someone else's has to really suck. So, what's wrong with being merely human anyway?

John Bradshaw, in his book "healing the shame that binds you", gives us something of a clue about all this. He calls it the shame bound personality problem. An identity bound in what he calls 'toxic shame' cannot accept itself as it is, cannot live with the limitations of being human, so it wanders ceaselessly between the polarities of devastating shame and absolute shamelessness. Such a person is bouncing between perceiving themselves as a subhuman, disgusting worthless failure or a superhuman invincible success story with the power of God at their fingertips.

Why can't they stand to know themselves as just a normal human? Because the trauma's of their life have left them feeling profoundly ashamed. Ashamed of not living up to the expectations of others. Ashamed of not being able to defend themselves (or others) against the assaults they've experienced. Ashamed of not having been able to heal the perpetrators of those assaults who are usually parents or loved ones. Ashamed, Ashamed, Ashamed. An seemingly unbearable, unresolvable, unforgiveable feeling of not being OK. Better then to escape, to lose oneself in a fantasy of ultimate power and ultimate fulfillment.

But this blog is not about healing the shame that drives us to such dreams. It's about the Real Law of Attraction. Because it's true that we are creative - that the universe bends to our will. It's just that our will is not under the control of our ego. We cannot make our will (which is the will of God inside of us) submit to the authority of a mere personality, of a mind caught in delusions of grandeur and shame. It is our ego that must surrender to IT if we wish to become happy and fulfilled. This is not a random universe, ruled by tantrum throwing personalities screaming for instant gratification. It is a universe of order and of love, where we each serve each other like the cells of our body serve one another.

The real law of attraction is simply this - "our reality will aways reflect our consciousness, whether we like it or not". Every unhealed wound will bring exactly the situation that is needed to re-trigger it, so that you may have another opportunity to heal. Every mistaken belief will manifest in a vivid four dimensional technicolor life experience to be reviewed. Every attempt to escape yourself will come crashing down around you so that you might once more choose to turn and face what your really are. Every attempt to defend, insulate and avoid the reality of your true state of being will fail, usually in spectacular and shocking fashion.

If we think you can manipulate this simple truth with affirmations, visualisations and positive self talk we are sadly, devastatingly mistaken. God is not so easy to fool. Grace is no sucker to be conned. Reality is not a toy that exists for the gratification of immature ego's.

So - would you be happy and fulfilled? At peace with yourself and your life? then stop trying to change your reality, which is the greatest teacher you could ever have, and start changing your mind. Find out who you really are. Do the things you really love. Share the gifts you have been given. Uplift others with your positive words. Live the passions that make you feel alive and excited. Do the work that is before you. Play your part in the great scheme of creation and creation will give you everything you have ever needed (but maybe not everything you have ever wanted).

Do you want to know the real secret? There is no secret. Never has been. Never will be. What a cruel trick that would be. For a loving creator to fill his children with the desire for happiness and then withhold from them the knowledge of how to attain it. That knowledge is built into every cell of your body. The truth and wisdom you seek has always been there, freely available. People have been shouting it at you for years. However, you will have to give up illusions of control, delusions of specialness, and the idea that you can somehow take from life more than you give to it. Nature isn't stupid, and she holds all the cards.

Together We Rise.

The Knifes Edge

2009-07-23T00:43:00.000-07:00

:
In the fifties and sixties a man by the name of Jean Paul Sartre came to the attention of the world with his inspired and (for the time) radical philosophies on life, the universe and everything. He was the father of what is called existentialism, an approach to living that some say could be summarised as 'shit happens, deal with it'..

Existentialsim covers a great many principles. For me one of the most important is the idea that life is a balancing act between ever opposing fluid polarities. Polarities like serving our own interests or the interests of others, adapting to our environment or influencing it to our own desires, seeking instant gratification or being disciplined towards a greater goal.We are faced every day with choices, a constant to and fro of give and take. Sartre asserts that this is the nature of life, and that this gives rise to what he called 'existential angst', which is a constant state of dynamic anxiety that invigorates and challenges us. He also speculated that the attempt to avoid this 'angst, to create an illusory sense of safety, is at the core of all true suffering and neuroticism in the human condition. This was illustrated brilliantly to me the other night when a character in a television show delivered the line "We're all scared. If you're not scared, you're not paying attention".

The ideal of existentialism is that we should live in a state of paying attention to the moment, looking life in the face and not shrinking from it's realities. This, according to Sartre, gives us the capacity to live in a truly authentic and empowered way. Only in this state can we arrive at a place of what I call 'existential contentment', where we are happy to allow life to bring whatever it brings, secure in the knowledge that we will respond in powerful and creative ways.

But therein lies the problem, for many of us are NOT secure in such knowledge. Many do not experience themselves as resourceful, able and powerful. We believe ourselves to be broken, dysfunctional and inadequate to the task of living life. For many of us the experience of socialisation by our society and the traumas of our life have robbed us of out natural confidence, the belief in our ability to meet life on it's terms.This is of course a catch 22. We cannot allow ourselves to face life in such a naked manner because we do not have confidence to face it's challenges - and we cannot discover our power to do so if we do not face life in this way.

One response to this situation that has impressed me is called Narrative Therapy. Pioneered by Michael White and others (based on the thinking of Sartre and other luminaries), this approach helps its clients to discover the resources and power that they are too often unaware of. Many of us fail to realise the myriad of powerful and creative ways we have always responded to life's challenges. White believes that no human being responds passively to trauma - that no matter how overwhelming and damaging the event is, we always do the best we can to protect and maintain the things that are precious to us. He asserts that every human being has innate core values that truly define who we are, values that we defend at all costs, though often in unseen and subtle ways.

This is a powerful idea, because if we are willing to take it on and look at the myriad ways in which we have fought to sustain the things that are precious to us, it can entirely change the way we see ourselves. No longer can I identify purely as a victim of life's circumstances. No more can I subscribe entirely to a view of myself as powerless, or totally deny responsibility for the way my world is.

He calls this the 'other half' of the trauma story. Certainly there are bad things that have happened to us, and the feelings of isolation, powerlesssness and confusion that always accompany trauma and repression. But there is also the actions that we have taken to preserve, protect and continue our true self in response to those things. Actions that, when seen, prove to be amazingly powerful, creative and courageous. Actions that allow us to look back on these events and witness not just the horror and the pain, but our own heroism and resilience in the face of overwhelming power.

For, to reflect the philosophy of Sartre, life on planet earth isn't always pretty..It's now comforting for me to look back over the years, with all the trials and tribulations that have threatened to overwhelm me. I realise that somehow I must have found a way to face them and come through with the most important parts of me intact, the values that are dear to my heart. If I've been able to do that for over forty years, working with limited knowledge, then I'll probably manage to face the next forty reasonably well given the benefit of all that added experience.

So, not for me the path of illusory safety and insulation, the neurotic attempts to try and bring life under control and tame it. I say give me the knife's edge. Bring it on, warts and all.The pain, the pleasure, the joy and the sadness, the love and the loss. It's certainly been an interesting ride so far, wouldn't want to miss the rest of it. The reason I can pursue such a philosophy, daring to face life on it terms knowing that it will bring both triumph and disappointment, is because I know that through it all there is something inside of me that will always respond in powerful, creative and self sustaining ways. Something I call grace.

To echo the wisdom of Jena Paul Sartre, "we all die, and we die alone" - but we don't have to live that way.

Ironic Idolatry

2009-01-23T17:19:00.000-08:00

You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them 2nd Commandment, exodus, English translation

Of all the ten commandments allegedly given to Moses on Mount Sinai,this one has to be the most fiercely debated and most widely interpreted. The Catholic Church did away with it all together in the Catechism (catholic 'book of rules and interpretations') and has been making idols by the millions ever since. The Muslim world observes it strictly, forbidding any type of image or statue to be made that represents God, or any other form to be worshiped, yet elevates the words of the Quran to divine status. Orthodox and protestant religions allow the making of images, so long as they are not worshiped of themselves. Some Churches forbid representations of God, but allow images of Jesus on the grounds that they believe this is how god represented himself to humanity. Wars have been fought over it, religions split into factions, and thousands of hours of heated words have been passed because of it. It was the excuse for the violent suppression of paganism among other traditions, and for the colonisation of countries and continents.

The irony in all this is that religions obsession with this particular statement is a contradiction in terms. By giving it so much weight and import, the commandment itself has been turned into an idol, a thing of worship. In the fight to give obeisance to the individual interpretations, the whole point of it has been lost. The question that so often goes unasked is this. Why? Why would God forbid the making and worshiping of Idols? If the purpose of the commandments is to protect his children from evil and sin, as it seems to be, how does this serve that purpose?

Answering this question leads to a couple of others, Firstly, what is God? Secondly, what is worship? The implications that this commandment has for the first question is that God is NOT anything that is made by man. The implications for the second question is that worship is a form of obeisance, of bowing down, of surrendering power and control to. Therefore to worship idols is to give power and authority to things that are not God, to invest value in things that have no intrinsic divinity. This is pretty obvious really, worshiping things made by our own hand is really quite silly. How could something that we created have more power or divinity than it's creator?The great joke is that religion itself is most often idolatry. In our seeking for divinity we so often invest our power and worship in the man made structures of religiousness - in building, books, teachings, priests, rules and regulations. In this way, religion separates us from God, leaves us chasing man made shadows and giving obeisance to a thing not truly divine.

Thus I call it Ironic Idolatry. The very thing that promises us a 'path' to Grace, leads us away into an empty worshiping of man made dreams. However, religion is not to blame for our idol worship. It is we who create religion, and we who choose to invest it with power. Why? Why did Moses's brother create the Golden Calf after the first revelation? Why does every great teacher and Prophet get turned into a religious Idol the moment they die. Why do we as a species insist on worshipping the things we create and animate, rather than that which creates and animates us?

The problem seems to be in the worship, the act of surrendering control. While ever we are worshiping that which we have created, we are actually (as its creator) still in control of it. It's a bit of a trick we like to play on ourselves - to pretend to give our obeisance to that which we can change and modify at our own whim. Worshipping God, on the other hand, seems terrifyingly out of control to us. Even the recognition of the existence of God as a reality, rather than a man made image or concept, is devastating to an ego who wishes to reign over what it considers it's creation. To genuinely contemplate, even for a moment, that from which we have emerged, which governs the turning of the stars and the beating of our hearts, is profoundly humbling and profoundly destructive to our image of ourselves as being able to control life.

If one sincerely answers the simple question "how much of my life, my self, my world, do I really control?", the reality of the divine becomes instantly undeniable and deeply threatening to an identity based in dreams of power. We control almost nothing, not our breath, not our brains, not our feelings, not our instincts, urges, abilities, preferences, desires, tendencies or talents. Our SELF is handed to us whole and complete, and the only choice we get to make is whether or not we are going to go with it, or fight against it - perhaps not even that choice. Idol worship is done because it serves the purpose of keeping us from the knowledge of God, of turning God into something that we think we have control over. "Better", says the fragile ego, "to reign in hell than serve in heaven'.

The obeisance we give to idols is a false one. We do not truly bow down before them, but create them to serve our purpose, to inflate our sense of power. How ironic that we are oppressed by our own creations, controlled and manipulated by the very things we create to try and establish control over ourselves. What a complicated little game we play, a chess board full of idols which move us around like pieces on a chess board. We pretend that we are seeking God, yet God has never been lost to us. Any instant that we forget to believe in our self made idols, if we relax our false worhip for just the slightest moment, the reality of God hits us like a truck.

So, "How much of your life, your self, your world, do you really control?"

Together we rise.

The Fine Art of Surrender

2009-01-13T18:02:00.000-08:00

I had to laugh. I was listening to a radio broadcast interviewing one of the authors of a book called 'innovate like Edison'. The author had talked extensively about how Edison's genius (think light bulbs) came from the way he was utterly surrendered to his own own nature. How he refused to be constrained by the ideas of others and deeply trusted his 'gut' and the inpirations he found in his own inner world. He then went on to say that you too could innovate like Edison if only you followed the books amazing five point plan which would teach you how to be just like him.

So which is it? Am I supposed to be like Edison and trust myself, or am I supposed to do like Edison and follow your five point plan?

The new age is full of these, thousands of books outlining an infallible 3,5 or 7 step plan to ultimate success, all of them modeling the path of 'this or that' great achiever in 'whatever' field. I once went into a second hand store where there was a table with over fifty of these books on it. They had all come from the same deceased estate. Apparently this persons great achivement for their life was that they had read every book ever published on how to achieve greatness. For me these are both great examples of the problem that arises where ideation tries to take over life,or in other words, where we fail to trust in what's inside of us.

Such ideations, whether they be the latest system for success or the most ancient religion, are all based on one assumption - that what you need to achieve success/happiness/fulfillment is outside of you, something that needs to be learned. Opposed to this of course is the idea which I subscribe to, that what you need is actually inside of you and trying it's hardest to express itself. That's not to say that we do not need to acquire knowledge and skills, or that we cannot learn from and be inspired by others, but our path in life is unique and we cannot walk it by following the path of another. To try do so is to deny the life force, the grace, that is the foundation of our being.

The truth is that not everyone is going to be a Thomas Eddison, or an Albert Einstein, Jesus Christ, Krishna Murti, Abraham Lincoln or Marilyn Monroe. This is a good thing. Our world really only needs the occasional genius, prophet or great leader to continue on it's path of evolution. If everybody was a movie star, who would watch the movies? It would be like every cell in your body deciding it needed to be a brain cell. Being a brain cell might seem more glamorous than being the lining of the stomach, but if the stomach lining wasn't there the brain wouldn't last too long.

Fortunately our cells don't often complain about their lot in life. Also fortunately, not everyone needs to be a high flier. Most people simply don't have the motivation, passion or desire to dedicate their life to some great cause, being happy to do a job they don't hate too much, pay their taxes, have a BBQ on the weekend and love their children. These are the everyday heroes (cause lets face it, family life isn't easy) that make life possible. These are the people that keep our society going, the plumbers, cleaners, receptionists, hairdressers and so on. They are the people that great achievers exist to serve, who's lives are made better by the works of great minds, but without whom great minds would have no existence and no purpose.

One of the greatest crimes of the modern media is the constant adulation of celebrity, that leaves so many feeling that an ordinary life is somehow unworthy or second rate. We don't look down on our foot (metaphorically speaking) and criticise it for not being our nose, yet we often look back at ourselves with accusations of not being as worthy as someone else. Such thoughts leave us feeling ashamed and unsatisfied, unable to recognise the wonder and the miracle that we truly are. Unable also to recognise the beauty and opportunity of our life.

The picture accompanying this blog is the Tarot card called the wheel. It represents the third Kabbalistic gateway to grace, the fine art of surrender. Pictured are three women (the three 'fates' of Greek mythology) grouped around the wheel of fortune. It's teaching is that life has it's own order, of which we are a small piece, yet each of us has a fate, a particular part to play in the grand scheme. It is through surrender to this fate, to our own nature, that we find happiness, peace and prosperity. When we stop demanding that life be different than it is, we discover that every moment becomes an opportunity to express the uniqeness of ourselves. Every day, whether difficult or easy, is an opportunity to grow, learn and become more truly who we are. It teaches that when we stop fighting our fortune we discover that it contains our unique path to fulfillment.

How do we know what that path is? That's easy - we are driven to wards it in every moment by our passions, desires, instincts and feelings. We are pulled towards it every day by the opportunities that life presents us to engage with it. When we stop complaining, resisting and generally throwing a tantrum because it doesn't look quite how we think it should, we discover that everything we need is right there.

Every one of us has a unique path, but only we can know what that is. Surrender is the art of trusting the grace inside of us and letting it lead us to a life worth living. I say throw away the books that propose to tell you the path to happiness, success and power - at best they are nothing more than the path the author has taken (maybe) on their unique journey. At worst they are the rantings of of deluded and unhappy seekers trying to sell you their desperate illusions, and make a few easy bucks on the side (i.e. "I got rich by writing books on how to get rich").

Or not, after all, that's just my opinion. What's yours?

Rotten Rituals

2008-12-15T23:43:00.000-08:00

Continuing the exploration of how religion interacts with grace.

I've been aware of the presence of God since before I can remember. I think that perhaps all children are, but they are conditioned away from it. I'm not really sure how my faith survived my childhood, given that my father was a 'committed' atheist, my mother a lapsed methodist, and my stepfather couldn't really be bothered with 'all that'. Consequently my spirituality became something of a 'private' event, observed in the moments between the times when I had to 'present' to the world. Often it was late at night when everyone else had gone to bed. I would sit up pondering the wonders I saw around me, or sneak outside to dance naked in the moonlight with the wet grass tickling the soles of my feet.

I found god in everything, the sun on my face, the feel of a horses body pressed against mine, the trusting eyes of the family dog. Hardest of all was finding God in the people around me, buried as it so often is below the layers personality and protection, but I found that I could 'look' at them in a particular way (that was more heart than mind) and the veils of ignore-ance would drop away to reveal a shining beauty. I was often criticised for my willingness to trust strangers, forgive those who mistreated me and generally refuse to engage in the social play of rejection and status games. Despite the numerous urgings to 'toughen up' and 'fight back', I could not help but see the pain being expressed in these hurtful actions. The few times I tried to heed this advise and retaliate, the pain I caused myself in the betrayal of my truth was far greater than the hurt anyone else could deal me.

However, I had one glaring advantage in maintaining my relationship to the divine, I was never exposed to religion (thanks to my atheist father). My first attendance at a religious ritual was a wedding, fairly benign if a little long. My second was a catholic christening of my nephew, which has stuck with me ever since. Not (sadly) because the ritual was beautiful or inspiring, but because it struck me as being completely empty, a feelingness delivery of empty words. The one bright spot was the benediction by my younger sister, who's love for her nephew was the only evidence of God present.It became clear to me that ritual without true connection was a tragic blind alley and a terrible fraud. So what is ritual meant to be?

At it's best, it can be a gateway to the experience of the divine. Ritual can create a path that removes us from our everyday world filled with thoughts of problems and struggle, and lead us into an experience of our deepest truth. Rituals don't have to be spiritual either, our lives are filled with them. Going to the theatre or a movie is a ritual that many of use for exactly this purpose. Spending quality time with family, meeting our friends for a coffee or a friendly game of poker, and giving mum a call once a week (unless it's from obligation) are all examples of rituals that connect us to divine reality. Even sitting down for a cuppa, when done in the right way, can be the equivalent of a deep meditation. The things that set these apart from the hollow ranting of many religious endeavours is simply the presence of authentic presence. It is not the ritual itself, but the way in which we engage with it that provides the power and the benefit. It is not the ritual that contains grace, it is we who bring grace to it with our intention.

Simply put, rituals have the meaning and the purpose that we ascribe to them. If it is our intention to use a ritual to connect with the divine experience then literally any ritual will do. If it is not, or even worse, if we are participating in ritual from some sense of obligation, fear of divine retribution, fear of social retribution, or from the belief that the ritual itself is what holds the power, then no ritual will do the job. Meeting once a week to celebrate life, connect with grace, sing uplifting songs and enjoy the fellowship of others is a beautiful ritual - unless it's done from a sense of obligation and compliance to the demands of an oppressive religion that negates the divinity of its members. Taking ten minutes five times a day to kneel down and connect with grace is a wonderful idea (also good for the back), until its done to avoid social disapproval and punishment from the self righteous domination of self appointed 'representatives' of God.

Any ritual that negates the divinity of those performing it, or pretends that the power of grace is invested in objects, actions and words is a false one. Such rituals merely separate us form grace, diminish our sense of self, and give a non existent power and authority to those administering them. Far from connecting us to God, they trap us in an illusion of separation and unworthiness. They are simply another form of idolatry (discussed in next blog). The only useful ritual is one that reminds us to engage in some action of sincere communion.

Jesus of Nazareth instructed his disciples that 'they would be better to pray in a closet than a church'. It is going inside and finding the natural connection we all have to grace that gives us benefit, and any ritual that feels right to you is the best one. If it doesn't feel good, I say don't do it.

Foolish Faith

2008-11-20T03:28:00.000-08:00

I spoke of the difference between faith and belief as being that faith emerges from a direct experience of God, which somewhat contradicts the modern idea that faith is 'belief in the absence of evidence'. People often speak of 'leap of faith', implying that one chooses to trust in the grace even though their rational mind tells them that they shouldn't, or that there is no evidence for doing so. Many times this is how faith is arrived at, often in circumstances of great peril or overwhelm where the person is faced with the knowledge that they are powerless to affect their own rescue.

Yet for this to occur there must first be some small voice within the person that impels that choice. One does not randomly 'get religious' when their fat is in the fire. People do not suddenly abandon their worldview, unless they have some inkling that there is something there. If you were hanging off the edge of the cliff you would not suddenly leap for a rope, unless you had some indication that the rope was actually present.

Everyone wants to believe that they have power in their world, particularly the power to look after themselves, this is essential for a healthy ego. However, there comes a point in every life when we discover the limitations of that power. Perhaps it is through sickness, or extreme danger, or getting old and infirm, or the inability to overcome addictions, or even through discovering that we are unable to create happiness for our self. Some people arrive at this knowledge through scientific inquiry or introspection, where they suddenly realise that the enormous complexity and order of nature is far beyond their understanding or ability to control. However it happens, at this moment there is the inevitable conclusion that some other rather awesome and intelligent force is at work in the world. This realisation - part logical conclusion, part experience, part intuitive understanding - is the foundation of faith. The knowledge that, in the words of the Kama Sutra, "things are not as they seem, nor are they different".

So what is faith? Well, I think it is simply the knowledge that there is something powerful, intelligent and benevolent driving the universe. The understanding that there is order in the apparent chaos, and that we are part of that order. What trips most people up is the idea that this 'higher power' is benevolent. How could it possibly be so when the world is full of war, destruction and inhumanity. Wouldn't a benevolent power do something about that? It's a good question, and one I could spend tomes trying to answer, without success. That's the problem - it's not until one has the experience of grace, and deepens in relationship with it, that it begins to make sense. One can't really have faith until they have faith.

Actually, arriving at faith doesn't have to involve extreme events, it requires only that we sincerely allow the possibility, but extreme experiences do make the best stories. My favourite was told to me a counsellor I went to see. She related how, as a young woman in New York, she found herself one day in a dead end alley in the wrong part of town. She was surrounded by five young men who were obviously intent on taking what they wanted and doing her harm. In that moment she realised that there was no way to escape or defend herself, she simply did not have the power to save herself from this situation.

As often happens at this moment, she surrendered, and was inspired to take a radical action. She explained to those boys that she was frightened for her safety, that she realised she was in a bad part of town and feared she would be raped and killed. She then asked these young men, who were intent on doing just that, if they would protect her and see her safely out of that area. Those five individuals proceeded to proudly escort her to her home, waiting until her door was close behind her before moving off. Years later she received a letter from the leader of that gang of boys, explaining that she had completely turned his life around. He told her that she was the first person who had ever seen him as someone capable of doing good. That day he quit the life of the street, got a job, and was now a successful man with a devoted wife and family.

I still cry every time I relate that story. Not only did she find the faith that saved her own life, she found the ability to have faith in others, to look past all the apparent evidence of evil and see the possibility of goodness. Her faith saved at least one other life from what would have almost certainly been a descending spiral into crime, drugs and early death. That is the true power of faith, the ability to look through the apparent reality to the grace that lies within, and in so doing, bring that grace forth in the world.

The picture above is the Tarot card of Strength, which represents the Kabalistic teaching on faith. The young woman, hopelessly overmatched in physical strength and ferocity, has tamed and befriended the wild lion through gentle love. She has declined to except the appearance of threat and overcome the danger though her faith in the goodness of the beast. Faith is a looking with the heart, rather than the mind, and its power is the power of God.

Why doesn't a benevolent higher power fix all the pain, hatred and violence in the world? What then would we have to do, what would make our lies meaningful, what would be the purpose of this adventure called life if not to discover who and what we truly are through our actions of love. A loving parent does not do their children's work for them, but gives them the opportunity to grow in power and maturity through setting them challenging tasks. In short, that’s our job - after all, we are the ones doing all the violence, hatred and destruction - why should God clean up our mess?

Together we rise

The Folly of Belief

2008-11-20T02:13:00.000-08:00

Are religion and direct experience of God mutually exclusive?

You could be forgiven for thinking so.

I am not the first to note that there seems to be an inverse relationship between spirituality and religion, which means that the more religious people become the more disconnected from grace they seem to be. I say this not as a cynical condemnation of religious hypocrisy, but as a testament to the great tragedy of religion. Countless millions of people turn to religion looking for comfort, understanding and meaning. They seek the grace that others speak of. They yearn for the glory that something deep inside them clearly remembers. They seek peace, but often find only the hollowness of proscribed beliefs, or even the hatred and division of religious fundamentalism. However, many great men and women of faith have emerged from all sorts of religions, but they appear to be the exception rather than the rule.

Which leads me to the point - the difference between faith and belief. In the last blog I made reference to the difference between right and left brain thinking. This is particularly interesting in relation to matters spiritual. The left brain is the aspect of our ego mind that has the task of defining things. It gives names to everything, divides one thing from another, and allows us to distinguish the myriad purposes of objects in the physical world. This is important, it's good to know the difference between a knife and a plate, or a piece of rope and a poisonous snake. Our left brain figures out, catalogues and cross references not only things themselves, but what we believe them to be. Thus the same object can have two completely different belief systems attached to it. To one person a rifle may be the means by which they can secure food for their families. To another it may be a weapon by which they can dominate and enslave.

In this way the left brain can be considered the centre of our belief system. The important thing about beliefs is that they are polarised, meaning that we define things as much by what they are 'not' as by what they are - everything is relative to other things. By definition they define, which is to say that they divide and separate. Thus to be a Catholic is to 'not be' a Muslim, to believe differently to a Protestant, to be separate to a Pagan. Any religion that is 'taught' must be this way, because the act of teaching is one of defining. Religion says that God is 'this way', that humans are 'just so', that righteousness looks 'like this'. In any relative world view it is unavoidable that we will come to a belief about 'relative value'. For my beliefs to be valuable to me, they must be superior to others. For my beliefs to be 'true', others must be false.

There is no way to approach God from a left brain perspective that will not result in this dilemma. Trying to do so is like trying to perform surgery with a sledge hammer, it's the wrong tool for the job, and will most likely kill the patient. God is the indivisible, the all encompassing, the oneness that underlies all forms. Every great teacher will attest to the same thing, that God simply cannot be described, defined or captured with words and concepts (left brain). At best, words can simply point in that direction and intimate at the truth. In 'The Course in Miracles', Jesus says (paraphrased) that "I cannot tell you what Truth is, only what it is not".

Fortunately however, for those who may be despairing, God can be 'known'. Knowing is not a belief, or a definition or a concept - it is an experience, a living relationship with the oneness of grace. In other words, knowing cannot be done with the left brain. This is the great flaw of religion, the attempt to define God , to confine the infinite to the finite. The path of definition and belief leads only to the human experience of physical life, of separateness. Those who would know grace follow a path of experience, a path of faith. Faith is not, as popularly thought, a belief in God despite a lack of all evidence. It is the peace that comes from the direct experience of God, and it can only be had by those who are willing to abandon a slavish devotion to left brain thinking and embrace the right brain perspective on life.

The left brain defines and divides, looking for difference and separation. The right brain delves and explores, it seeks the relationship between things, the sameness and the sanctity. The left brain uses and controls, seeing a purpose to each object, a way in which it can be manipulated towards its own end. The right brain surrenders and succumbs, looking for how it might be 'used' by the greater web of life to a greater purpose. The left brain sees everything relative to itself. The right brain sees itself relative to everything else. The left brains separates, the right bonds. The left seeks individuation, the right seeks merging. And so on.

Once more, do not think that I intend to diminish the necessary and important function of the left brain in living this individuated human life. It is a wondrous creation, that is vital to the experience of creation. I say this merely to point out that if you wish to know grace, this isn't the path that takes you there. Nor do I wish to diminish the contribution and potential of religion. Religions, especially those who invoke particular practices of inquiry, have the capacity to evoke faith and direct others to the knowing of God. However, if all it offers is belief without real experience, it is a dead end that take us in exactly the wrong direction.

If we would know faith, we must abandon our beliefs. If we would know God, we need to forsake our attempt to define it. Grace exists in every moment, in everything, in every action, in every being. Indeed, grace is all there is. Anything else is just a figment of our imagination, a label, a name, a value judgement, an attempt to define and limit. If we would know grace, we need to look for what is the same in all things. But don't BELIEVE me, find your own knowing, your own faith.

Together we rise

The Middle Path - A Neurological Perspective

2008-10-12T00:33:00.000-07:00

I wish to continue with the theme of the middle path, this balance point between the polarities of life. I mentioned in the last blog that I believe the problem is ideation, where we give too much authority to ideas and philosophies rather than trusting in our natural knowing. I'd like to clarify that this doesn't mean that ideas are wrong, or that the 'rational' mind should be denied in favour of feelings and instincts. These faculties are all natural parts of our human being, designed to work together in harmony and balance. The problem only arises when we favour one or the other too heavily, and impair their natural communication with each other. Supportive evidence for this need for a balanced approach is now coming from the field of science, which for so long has pushed us too far to the mental side of life. It's emerging out of the very exciting field of biological psychology.

Advances in electro imaging technology, such as MRI and PET scans, are allowing investigators to form a remarkably detailed picture of which aspects of our brains are doing what. This has been going on for a while, in fact if you haven't heard something about the differences between our left and right brain you've probably been hiding out in a mountain cave for the last twenty years. Popular myth has it that the right side of our brain is the feminine, responsible for creativity, emotion, music, relationship, intuition and so forth. The left is the masculine, responsible for language, linear logic, goal seeking, planning and so forth.

These are gross over simplifications of the available evidence, but there is enough truth to them to make it a useful model for discussion. Investigators have found a way to temporarily 'lesion', or shut down particular areas of the brain, allowing them to determine what alters during these episodes of dysfunction. For instance, when certain areas of the left hemisphere are lesioned, the person experiences impairment in their capacity for speech, reasoning, definition, the passing of time and focussed thoughts. When particular areas of the right hemisphere are lesioned some people lose their ability to distinguish emotion, perceive patterns in information, recall events, and recognise faces.

Let me stress that these differences are not nearly as predictable or as defined as many popular books on the subject would assert, but they give rise to interesting questions. What we do know is the the separate hemispheres of the brain control the opposite side of the body, and that the right brain has long been considered the seat of creativity, free will, emotion and motivation - considered the feminine mind. In fact the Catholic church has been waging war against the right brain for centuries. The word sinister, which is latin for 'left' (sinistra) came to mean evil in church doctrine. Left handedness was considered the mark of the devil and children with a left handed dominance were still being ruthlessly suppressed and 'retrained' as late as the 1960's.

Brain imaging studies have shown us that states of deep meditation and prayer generate increased activity in the right cortex, indicating that this area of our brain is involved in our personal connection to spirituality. However, belief based thinking, such as that involved in religious theology and ritual, mainly involve the left cortex. What we also know is that people who have suffered serious trauma often have a tendency to favour left brain thinking, which some put down to a tendency to avoid emotionally linked memories which seem to involve the right brain.

It appears that these two polarities need to work together to produce the best results. Most genius level intellects and high achievers in fields of innovation are famous for being people who are active in using both parts of their brain. Einstein was a great example of this. He related that once he had assimilated all the available information on the subject, he would determine his objective (both left brain activities) and then give it to his unconscious to figure out. He would then get on with other things until it came back at him with a response, which usually took the form of symbolic images (right brain activity). But this doesn't just work for geniuses. Every day life is a balancing act between our analytic mind and our intuitive reasoning - between our emotional responses and our cognitive abilities.

We all know people who favour one aspect over the other, usually to their detriment. For instance, those who stray too far to the left and live their lives in a highly intellectual and emotionally disengaged manner are usually dreadful at relationship, inclined to overwork, pay too little attention to their health and often lead quite bland unsatisfying lives. On the other hand (so to speak), some people go too far the other way and live lives of intense emotional drama while being unable to plan, set goals, discipline themselves or reason very well. Progress towards happiness for these people usually only comes when they recognise the need to embrace the 'other side' of life and develop their neglected faculties.

It's actually quite natural that different people specialise and tend more one way than the other, it's part of the diversity of human existence that go's to make a whole and interesting society, so long as we don't take it so far that we lose personal balance. Fortunately we all have both capacities, the ability to engage both sides of our brain in concert and balance. No matter where we are, or which way we tend, its never too late too redress the balance. Perhaps we need to take an art class, or a course in critical thinking, learn to play an instrument or develop self discipline. Whatever the need, just recognising that we may be out of balance is the first step back towards the middle.

Grace be with you.

The Middle Path

2008-09-26T03:59:00.000-07:00

In the last blog I made quick reference to The Budha's teaching of following the middle path. Budha was born the crown prince of his country and raised in a state complete insulation from his world. He was surrounded by wealth, love, and reverence - never being confronted with the harsher realities of life until the day when he was presented to his populace. On that day he was shocked and horrified by the poverty, pain and suffering that he had never seen. He was also ashamed of his own wealth and position, realising that it came at the expense of others. So much so that he ran away from his life of privilege and became a spiritual ascetic, living naked in the forest with nothing to eat but mud and water. After eight years of living this way, emaciated and weak from starvation, he had a realisation that life and truth was all about balance, that one had to walk the middle path.

So what does this mean? For me it means that this is a world of polarities, that life exists somewhere between the extremes. Everything in this reality is polarised - hot and cold, dark and light, up and down, in and out, fast and slow, male and female and so on. So too with matters spiritual. We live on the razors edge between the infinite oneness that resides inside us, and the extraordinary individuality that is our existence. We are both the same as everyone else, and entirely unique. And so too with life. We each of us struggle to live a life balanced between competing differences - we try to balance work and play, giving and receiving, caring for others and looking after ourselves, speaking and listening, activity and rest, consumption and creation, adventure and security, belonging and individuating, etc. Every moment of every day involves choices we make about which way we are going to go. Do I eat more food, or take a walk? Do I clean the house, or watch TV? Do I spend time with those I love, or get into my hobby? Yet despite this enormous burden of choice, this ever present balancing act, most of us manage to get through the day successfully - until we don't.

Therein lies the problem, sometimes we get it wrong, sometimes we get it horribly wrong, sometimes we get so far out of balance that life becomes unbearable. I think it would be rare to find a person today who hasn't got at least one area of their life where the balance is out of whack. Perhaps they work too much, eat too much, give too much, let too much slide, or covet too much. Perhaps they love too little, take too little, laugh too little. So many lives today are consumed with greed and dreams of wealth, at the expense of their family's, their friends, their lovers. While others take too little and sacrifice their own wellbeing for dreams of love that never comes. As always the question of the hour is this - why and how do we get so far out of balance?

The easiest way to answer that question is to ask another - how is it that we manage to stay in balance at all? How, with the vast array of competing polarities and impossible choices, do we ever get it right? Certainly the complexity of life is too much for our poor feeble minds to handle. So what other forces must be at work just to get us to the end of each day intact and reasonably sane? My belief is that we manage to get it right so much of the time exactly because we don't give it to our minds to figure out. In truth, the vast majority of our actions and choices are happening at the unconscious level. We experience them as instincts, feelings, intuitions, desires, hungers, frustrations, longings, whims, fancies and inexplicable urges - rarely questioned and almost always acted upon.

It seems that we are built to carry out this delicate act of balancing, with little need for our minds intrusions. Our mind gets to know about the decision after it's been made. Sometimes it gets to figure how to put the decision into action, but rarely gets to influence the decision itself. I would go so far as to suggest that it is truly our hearts (the middle chakra, the balance point between the two polarities) that gets to make our decisions. That for the most part, we walk the middle path that Buddha, echoed and affirmed by every great teacher throughout the ages, spoke of.

So to come back to the original question, why do we get so far out of balance? It seems to me that the problem here is ideation, which is to say that we forget to trust in our hearts and entrust it to our mind. We lose touch with our instinctive wisdom, because we have given authority to ideas - to philosophies, beliefs, creeds, political theories, religions, charismatic personalities and so on. We have failed to place our faith where it truly belongs, in the quiet still voice gently whispering in our hearts.

Is there anything so dangerous as a good idea? Is there anything more likely to disrupt our connection to the divine than a grand religious theory? Anything quicker to destroy the peace of society than the latest all encompassing Utopian dream?

Does balance and truth really come from having the answers or from the willingness to keep asking the questions, a moment by moment inquiry, what needs to happen right now?

Walking Between the Worlds

2008-09-04T15:37:00.001-07:00

My path to grace began with a childhood fascination with the Tarot. Without knowing why, I found myself compelling drawn to these evocative images. Over the ensuing years I studied all I could about it, but it wasn't until much later that it truly revealed itself. In 1998 I sat down to write a course on reading Tarot, and discovered that the words appearing on the screen were both achingly familiar and totally unknown to me. I found myself channeling the wisdom of Grace, and it was laying out in my mind the true teaching of the Tarot, which are an extension of the knowledge of the Kabbala. So what has this got to do with anything?

Well, the image you see to the right is one of the many depictions of the lesson of Temperance. In many traditions, this is called the path of enlightenment, what Budha called 'walking between the worlds'. Reaching enlightenment indicates that the person lives both in the world of form and in the world of spirit, or grace. Actually, this is what everyone is doing all the time, we are spirit made flesh, god in creation. However, when we take form we go usually through a process of forgetting our spirit self in order to inhabit our physical self. If we didn't, we would find it very difficult to go from the experience of unlimited grace and power to the experience of limitation, vulnerability and not-oneness. If we didn't forget, adjusting to this new reality with it's potentials for pain and frustration would be almost impossible.

However, we are not meant to forget forever. Over time our spiritual self gradually and naturally makes itself known, unless this process is interfered with, usually by false religions and socialisation designed to keep us in ignorance of our true being. Continued forgetting is disastrous to our wellbeing, it's like trying to motivate a car after we've run out of petrol, all hard work and frustration. When we have become over identified with a self concept of limitation, life can become hard and meaningless. Life stops being an adventure in form, and becomes a journey in suffering. The opposite is also true - if we are trying to live in the world of spirit and deny the world of form we've missed the point entirely. The trick is living with our awareness in both worlds, deeply centered in the world of spirit but thoroughly and joyfully immersed in our physical reality. Enlightenment is the process of undoing this forgetting and learning to reconcile the two seemingly separate realities. Grace is the mechanism that spirit provides to achieve this.

Of course, the question is how? In the Tarot, Temperance is the final lesson in the path of enlightenment. It is the teaching of En-joy-ing, meaning that we bring joy into everything by having an attitude of meeting all experience with joy. However, coming to this point is a process best learned in stages. In future blogs I'll be talking about the six lessons of grace that precede Temperance, designed to move us naturally to a place where we can greet every moment of life with joyful welcome. For now, you might like to play with the idea that joy is not so much a product of the reality you face, but a result of the attitude with which you face it. It's the decisions I make about what is happening that determine whether my experience is one of suffering or one of exstacy. When I greet each moment as an adventure, an opportunity to experience the wonder of life, I naturally find the good in it and respond from a place of power and creativity.

Grace be with you

Blessings Be

2008-08-31T06:12:00.000-07:00

The most powerful ways I know to experience grace and all the blessings it offers, is to offer grace to others in the form of blessing. This doesn't mean you have to wave your hands in the air and chant strange rituals at people. Blessing is simply another word for positively recognising other people. When I bless someone else I choose to see the good (grace) inside them, and acknowledge it openly. Everyone blesses all the time. We bless our friends, our families, and our co-workers every time we smile, embrace, validate and encourage. It's an ancient truth that the more we bless others, the more blessed we are. It could be said that all the world really needs is more blessing, but it isn't always as easy as it sounds. There are a number of barriers to blessing which we may have to get past.

The first, and the worst, is a sense of unworthiness, the idea that we have no blessing to offer - that our opinion is not important or valuable to others. Sadly this low opinion of ourselves arises because we have not received the kind of blessing and validation we needed. Even more sadly, this is a cyclical condition where, because of other peoples failure to bless us, we now feel we cannot bless others, who then feel they cannot bless others and so on. Fortunately it only takes one person to break this cycle. One person to think "well, maybe I don't think my opinion is worth much, but perhaps it can give some small joy to another anyway. Maybe I'll give it a go and see what happens". I don't know about you, but the times in my life where someone has taken the trouble to offer me blessing and recognition stick out boldy in my memory. Not only because they are rarer than I might like, but because they feel so damn good. It didn't matter to me who that person was, only that they took the time to care.

The second barrier to blessing is anger. Most people carry the pain of not receiving the blessing and validation they would like. Most people feel unnapreciated, taken for granted and unrecognised at some point in their life. For some, perhaps many, this can turn into a vengeful resentment. "If the world won't give me the blessing I need, then I'm not giving it to them either". I wish I could say that this is uncommon, but it isn't. Many of us feel that we have an empty cup, and therefore don't make the effort to fill the cup of others, lest it cost us what little we have. The reality of life is very different. Blessing not only costs us nothing but it has the strange effect that as we fill up the cup of others, so ours is filled. When I get into this sort of mindset I try to ask myself this question "Is this the person I want to be". Do I want to be part of the problem, or part of the solution?

The third barrier to blessing is fear. Fear that we might appear weak or needy. Fear that our blessing may not be welcome. Fear that the other may be embarrased. Fear that it might fall on deaf ears, be struck down on the rocks of the other persons feelings of unworthiness. Fear that we might be ridiculed or rejected. Fear that others might misinterpret our offering, see it as angling for something we want in return. Fear that others might grow attached and dependent on us. Fear that we will always be the one giving, and not receive the blessings we long for. Fear with a thousand faces. There are two good remedies for fear. The first is courage, the wilingness to decide that the benefits outweigh the risk. The willingness to allow other people to have their reactions and hold fast to the purity of our intent. The second remedy is skill - there are ways of offering blessing to others that are hard to misinterpret, hard to deny and hard to resist.

Not all Blessings are Created Equal

I wish that they were, for certainly the intent is equal in it's lovingness, but the undeniable fact is that there is a skill to good blessing. There is an old principle that when it comes to communication the progentior is 100% responsible. This means that we are responsible not only for what what we say, but for how it is heard. This is harsh, because our words are often being filtered through the other persons worldview, but if we wish our words to have effect we need to take the time to understand their worldview and tailor our message to it. The intention of blessing is to communicate love and acceptance, so if our intention is true, the extra effort shouldn't be too much trouble.

As blessings go compliments are tricky and easy to misinterpret. They often hit up against the barriers of the other persons low self esteem, and sometimes can be interpreted as 'flattery', which is esentially self serving. If you tell someone that they are beautiful for instance, you may offend them because they could have a history of being objectified and exploited for their beauty, and not respected for their character. That's not to say that compliments don't work at all, but to give an effective compliment we usually have to make sure that it is very specific. It needs to be tailored to the the person's view of themselves, to praise in them something that they value in themselves. If we compliment someone for something that they are unable to recognise about themselves, our words will fall on deaf ears. If we compliment them for something that they do not value about themselves, or something that represents a limitation to them, they may even resent it.

Similarly, praise and encouragement can be seen as patronising and arrogant, or downright manipulative. Most people like to be praised, but only if the person praising them is someone who's opinion they respect and value. Sadly, many people who are in the habit of easily praising others, are often using charm to manipulate for personal gain. This leads to a general distrust and wariness of those who offer praise. Praise and encouragement usually requires a pre-existing bond of intimacy, or no room for doubt about the givers intentions, to be readily received.

The most effective and readily accepted form of blessing is usually a communication that lets the other person know that they have made a positive contribution to the speakers life. Everyone has an inbuilt need to make a contribution and be seen as a valuable member of their community. For all our modern obsession with what we can 'get', it is our ability to give that brings us happiness and self esteem. In fact, the most damaging thing that happens to our self esteem in this world is where others fail to recognise what we have to offer. So if you really want to let someone know that you value them, ask yourself what it is that they bring to your experience of life, and tell them about it.

Together we rise.

Healing the Ego - part III

2008-08-29T19:25:00.000-07:00

I've tried to establish that the Ego is not the enemy of life, happiness and all things spiritual. I've also attempted to convince you that it is what happens to the ego in the process of being socialised to an unhealthy society, rather than it's innate properties, that causes our suffering and sense of separation from the divine. I'd like to expand on exactly how the ego becomes shattered in this way. The ego is meant to be a fluid mechanism, constantly adapting to encompass and incorporate all aspects of our being. As we develop during childhood different faculties and abilities, (thought, willfulness, curiosity, sexuality etc) come online at various stages. In a healthy family system these emergences would be welcomed and validated, leading to their natural incorporation into our evolving identity.

In many family systems certain aspects of our being are not welcomed, causing what psychologists call arrested development, which means that the ego has to adapt to the situation by supressing and defending against these parts of ourselves. This takes the form of various messages, beliefs and decisions that we make in order to survive - such as "it's not safe to tell the truth", "my sexuality is dirty and needs to be hidden" or "who I am is not right". These are known as trauma messages and they affect our entire system. Typically trauma messages have a cognitive component such as a belief, an affective component (our feelings) and a connotative component, being our attitudes and behaviours. For instance, if you are punished for speaking your truth you might make the decision that "my truth is bad" (cognitive) which will produce feelings of fear, shame, guilt and probably anger (affective). This will often result in behaviours such as withdrawing, people pleasing, secrecy and passive aggression against yourself or others.

To complicate thing even further, as time goes on you may forget the cause of these behaviours entirely and then start to berate yourself for them. Addictions and self destructive or self limiting behaviours all started their life as adaptations that were trying to protect you and ensure your survival. The result for the ego is that it stops being a fluid mechanism and becomes a rigid unhelathy identity, which has trouble evolving and adapting to new situations. It is this ego 'state' that separates us from ourself and from grace. So, how do we go about undoing this egoic calcification? I like to continue with the tree analogy and treat is like gardening. To create a great garden (healthy ego) their are several stages we have to go through.

(1) Attention: Left to itself, this ego state will simply continue on becoming more and more choked up with trauma mesages, much as an untended garden becomes overgrown with weeds. The first thing we need to do is to end the denial and recognise that our garden is in need of loving care, of being tended with the correct tools. This is very different from trying to erradicate the problem from a place of frustration and self hatred. We are not trying to kill it off (poisons) or force it to look acceptable (lawnmower), but to gently revive it to it's original beauty (getting our hands dirty).

(2) Weeding: This is the cognitive component of our work. We need to sort through the jungle to discover which parts are worth keeping and which are weeds to be removed. The weeds are all the repressive and self degrading thoughts, beliefs and decisions we have made. It's important to realise that even weeds have been useful, in that they have kept life going in our garden. Our 'negative patterns' are actually earlier survival strategies and need to be appreciated and loved even as we remove them from our minds. In fact, it is only though love and compassion that we are able to tell the difference between the two.

(3) Tilling the Soil: This is the emotional component of our work. As we are pulling the weeds (negative messages) from their place we unearth the feelings buried beneath them. Our feelings naturally release and heal, given the opportunity, but we need to be willing to turn over soil and allow them to come to the surface, where they can evaporate in the sunlight. Our feelings are the emotional indicators that let us know we have been believing untrue things about ourselves. By tiling our emotional soil we rebuild our relationship with who we really are.

(4) Sowing the Seeds: Weeds are the result of our soil being sown with bad seeds (negative messages). To encourage a healthy garden we need to sow with good seeds (healthy messages) and encourage the goods seeds that are already there (our supressed self) to emerge. When we plant loving thoughts in our carefully tilled soil they will slowly grow to create loving feelings and loving self sustaining behaviours.

(5) Watering: Healing, like gardening, takes time. There is the intial satisfaction of seeing the weeds removed, but without continual loving care and replanting of healthy seeds, the garden will simply grow rank once more. Our new beautiful seedlings need plenty of care. This is where grace can be the most useful. By undertaking a practice of regular communion with divine grace we are bring our ego the fresh clean water and gentle sunlight it needs to truly flourish. As our healthy thoughts grow they become strong trees, providing shade and protection for the tender life beneath them and keeping the weeds at bay.

(6) Sharing the Beauty: A garden is not truly great until it's beauty is shared. As we grow in health and love we have much to offer others. Inspiration, gentle advice, a helping hand when their weeds have overwhelmed them. By tending to our garden we become able to help others tend to theirs in their moments of need. Together we create a beautiful world.

Of course, a lot of people haven't got the faintest idea how to go about tending their own garden and are truly overwhelmed by the forest of weeds that choke their minds with dark and thorny thoughts. That's where we need to look around us, we find someone who's garden is healthier than ours, and ask for help. People with healthy gardens always want to help others. As we are nourished, so we want to nourish.

The final thing I'd like to say is this. Always remember that you are never broken, that your garden is never dead, no matter how many weeds seem to dominate and oppress it. Just below the soil lie the seeds of your true self merely waiting for the monent when you clear a patch for them to emerge in. We have no need to know what the final result will look like. We merely need to start, to get down in the dirt and dig for the beauty within us.

Together we grow.

Ego is not a dirty word - Part II

2008-08-27T01:58:00.001-07:00

In Ego part I, I spoke of how society separates us from our natural instincts and feelings, which denies us access to the most fundamental connection we have with the grace that lives inside us. In this blog I want to talk about what the ego really is, and why having a healthy ego is fundamental to not only our human happiness but our spiritual development.

I've spoken before about how each of us in actually the indivisible divine force manifesting in individuated form. God getting to know itself through the illusion of separation and the diversity of creation. Every being, every flower, every tree and animal are in fact merely different expressions of the one infinite life force. We exist in an interdependence of forms, much the same way that each cell in our body is both uniquely individual and a neccesary part of the greater whole. This is a very useful analogy, as most people realise that each cell has a vital role in their overall wellbeing. The disease of even one cell impoverishes and threatens the wellbeing of the whole system.

Like cells, we each contain within us the entire blueprint of life and yet we each are a specialised expression of that blueprint. Like cells, we each function within our own discreet boundaries, and yet we function as part of a greater whole. Like cells, we need to understand our part in the overall scheme of things, but we also need to maintain our independent identity and function. This is where the Ego comes in. Our ego is the mechanism by which we are able to figure out where we end and others begin. It is the basis of our individuality, which must be maintained for us to function. Without the ego, we would simply experience ourself as the undiferentiated life force, which would render creation rather pointless. The ego does not, as some claim, separate us from God. What it does is allow us to function as an individuated aspect of God, a unique expression of grace.

Also like cells, we each have particular functions, a particular part to play in the grand scheme of things. A brain cell would never consider the idea that it should be a liver cell, or vice versa. They accept their particular role as given, and find joy in the doing of it. Unlike cells, and most other lifeforms, the human being does get a little more choice in matters of function. We bear the gift and the burden of free will, the ability to make choices about our direction in life. This is more limited than most people would like to believe. Each of us has particular tendencies, talents and abilities which suit us for particualr roles. If we use free will to try and fulfill unsuitable roles we generally find ourselves frustrated, unsuccesful and unhappy. Fortunately, if we surrender to the fulfilment of our true roles we discover passion, fulfilment and happiness.

One of the most damaging concepts of the modern world is the idea that you can do "anything at all". If the little skinny guy with the high academic IQ and poor motor skills sets his mind on being a star football player he simply will not succeed. Nor will the jock with limited academic ability be winning the noble prize for science. These would be examples of our ego having become disconnected from reality. A healthy ego is firmly rooted in our organic and spiritual existence. We experience our ego consciously through our 'self concept', our psychological picture of who we are. The degree to which this self concept matches up with the reality of our 'self' (called self efficacy) determines the degree to which we are able to be happy and at peace in our own skin.

Unfortunately, most of us do not get the family and society that naturally leads to the development of a healthy ego. Ego health is a result of unconditional love, positive regard and validation for our unique value as a person. The extent to which others recognise the value of our particular being usually determines the extent to which we form a healthy and loving self concept. Sadly, most people are subjected to environments in which others demand that we try to make our true self fit into a self concept that is foreign and unachievable. Put another way, our identity is meant to develop around our experience of self, not be imposed on us by other peoples expectations and ideas about who we should be.

The first part of the journey of spiritual development is the healing of our ego. Those who try to bypass this stage inevitably end up being dragged back to it, no matter how advanced they may seem to be in matters spiritual and energetic. In fact, many people who try to devlop transcendent awareness without having healed their ego end up in a highly ungrounded state that can lead to insanity. Others end up stuck in a stage of 'spiritual ego', where their knowledge and beliefs outstrip their understanding and development. They talk the talk but are unable to walk the walk. The Kabbalists put this well - "a tree that wishes to grow tall must first put down deep roots, or it will not withstand the storm".

In the next blog I'll be talking about the process of healing our ego's and releasing our damaged self concepts.

The Paradox of Prayer

2008-08-21T01:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, Ok. I know that this can all sound a bit religious when I start talking about things like prayer. But if you bear with me you'll come to see that prayer really has nothing to do with organised religion, or supplications of unworthiness before a distant God who hands out favours at whim. Indeed, real prayer is the opposite of these things. So please indulge me for a moment and forget everything you may have learnt about praying from some sick idolatrous religion.

What is Prayer?

Prayer is communion with Grace, much the same as meditation, contemplation of the divine, self inqiry, sacred dance, intentional chanting and a dozen other forms of spiritual practice. Prayer can take a great many forms, but what tends to distuinguish it from other practices is that it usually takes the form of a 'conversation' with whatever the person recognises or conceptualises as the divine. Many people view prayer as asking for some sort of favour from God. A situation in which the little powerless human being begs the big powerful deity for some sort of intercession in their life. If this were true, you could imagine that the big G would be pretty busy attending to the needs of billions upon billions of lifeforms.

Such prayers seem to go unanswered, because the basic premise of them is flawed. For Grace to intercede in our creation of our lives would be a fundamental denial of who we are, an affirmation that what we are is something less than an expression of the divine creative life force. If such prayers were to be answered, it would give valididty to our concept of ourselves as small, powerless and dependent. Grace will never affirm such a misconception, will never support such an insanity. The purpose of grace is to bring us back to awareness of the truth of who we are, to help us beyond this injured identity and rediscover our divine self. A loving God would no more seek to make his/her children dependent and powerless than a loving human would.

True prayers never go unanswered, because they occur in recognition of our right relationship to Grace. This is the recognition that we are not separate to the divine in any way. A real prayer begins with the recognition that we are believing something that is causing us suffering. Perhaps we have projected our power onto something seemingly outside of ourselves, or become trapped in an illusion of separation, grievance and powerlessness. Whatever the reason, the form of a real prayer is deceptively simple. We are asking grace to restore us to right perception, to help us clear our minds of the illusions that are causing us to suffer.

There are many ways to ask this question. Some of my favourites are "please help me see with the eyes of God", or "What would love do in this situation" or "Show me the errors in my minds viewing of this situation" or "Help me to see what is for my highest good in this situation". Prayer doesn't always have to be in response to suffering either. As people develop their relationship with grace many simply make it a daily practice to pray. This can look like "show me how to live this day in peace" or "help me to find grace in each moment" or "show me how I might live my day closer to love". Answering these questions are the function, the very purpose of grace. Grace is the gift that helps us to find the truth and recover from the ilusions of sinfulness and powerlessness and prayer is one of the most powerful ways that we can connect with grace.

As much as a loving and responsible parent would not encourage dependence in their children, nor would they turn a deaf ear or fail to offer appropriate assistance. The paradox of prayer is that all prayers are answered by grace, it just may not look like we think it should. In the movie Evan Almighty, one of the main characters prays to God for a more loving, closer family life. After all hell breaks loose, threatening to disrupt their family life altogether, she unknowingly encounters God (as played by Morgan Freeman) in a roadside diner. He challenges her with the proposition that if you were to pray for a closer family do you think God would send you warm fuzzy feelings, or the opportunity to create closeness through offering love and support in difficult times. It's not often that I look to hollywood for spiritual wisdom, but this seems to me a perfect example of the way irresponsible prayers are answered.

When we pray we are engaging in a partnership with grace, not giving our power to it. Attempts to give away responsibility for our life usually result in situations that provide us with the opportunity to reclaim that responsibility. Grace partners us by giving us the opportunity to grow, heal and rediscover the reality of our divine self. If it were to do these things for us it would be a partner in our disempowerment. Graces ultimate answer will always be this, that you are whole, complete and powerful. That you have always been whole, it is only in your mind, and the illusory reality you create with your mind, that these dark dreams of brokenness can exist. They are but shadows that never affect the true reality, the reality of love. However, until we are ready to hear this answer, grace will always allow us the opportunity to experience our delusions, and offer us the opportunity to give them up. The choice, as always, is ours. Free will, it's a bitch.

Prayer isn't hard to do. It requires no rituals, no incense, no special words or scented oils or fancy buildings. In fact, Jesus instructed his disciples that "they would be better to pray in a closet than in a church". It requires nothing except a sincere willingness to let grace show us the truth. But don't take my word for it, give it a go.

together we rise

"There but for the Grace of God" - Forgiving the Unforgiveable

2008-08-11T00:19:00.000-07:00

Because of the nature of my studies at University I'm continually being exposed to information about the some of the worst aspects of the human condition. Wide spread violence and exploitation, child abuse, political indifference, and planet destroying corporate greed just to name a few. Like most people I find myself horrified, despairing and teetering on the edge of hopelessness on a regular basis. Unlike most people I lack the luxury of turning to an episode of the simpsons and tuning out. These are prescribed readings, and read them I must. Sometimes I get angry, and sometimes I start judging the perpetrators of these crimes against decency, these deceivers and users who commit unspeakable acts.

In those moments it is often difficult to find grace. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I wish to not experience those feelings of horror, I would be worried if I did not feel this way. Being shocked and appalled by dreadful crimes, feeling empathy and concern for the victims, is how I know I'm human, how I know that grace is alive inside me. It's the judgment that takes grace from me. To be angry at the commision of these acts is healthy, but to condemn the perpetrators is for me to commmit an act of violence (if only in my mind) in return. I become in that moment a perpetrator of lovelessness.

Please don't think I'm taking the righteous high ground here. Believe me when I say that I do this all the time. I do it driving down the road when someone cuts me off on the roundabout, or at the supermarket when someone blocks the aisle. I do it when I hear the news, or witness another politician trying to obscure the facts behind political double speak. I do it every time I pick up a newspaper and see the bias and manipulation in today's media. It seems that to judge is merely part of the human condition. The trick, I think, is in what I do next. Sometimes I just keep judging, which seems to feed on itself and engorges until I finally notice that I'm feeling absolutely miserable. Sometimes, the fortunate times, I remember the old saying - "there but for the grace of God go I".

I notice that my judgement is always righteous, always containing somewhere within it the idea that there is no way I would commit such a crime, or do something so stupid, or act with such carelessness towards another. Of course the truth is quite the opposite. I'm guilty of carelessness and stupidity on an almost daily basis, and I've many acts in my past of which I'm not proud - some of them criminal. I've been hurt by others, and I've hurt others in turn. To err is human, or so the saying goes.

I've also noticed that it is always from a place of hurt that I hurt others. It is when I feel myself as powerless, victimised, threatened and unloved that I lash out at those around me. I believe that this is always the case, that hurt people, HURT people. So when I witness these crimes of indifference and viloence I find myself faced with a choice. Do I judge and condemn, or do recognise that the perpetrator is in pain and needing the experience of grace, of love and compassion? Or I could ask it another way. When I commit acts of lovelessness, do I wish to be judged and condemned, or would I like others to recognise that I'm in pain and in need of grace and love?

To Forgive, Divine.

Forgiveness is a word often used and often misunderstood. Forgiveness is not 'letting someone off the hook', and is not achieved by taking the moral high ground. If we tell ourselves that we are forgiving someone, but inside we are still full of anger and judgment, then we are actually fooling ourselves and committing what 'a course in miracles' calls a double condemnation. First we condemn them with our judgement about how bad they are, and then we condemn them again, through putting ourselves in a position of moral superiority by 'forgiving' them.

True forgiveness comes in the recognition that they are just like us. The understanding that they are acting from pain and trauma, just as we sometimes do. True forgiveness is the realisation that this person has lost touch with the truth of who they are, and become caught in an illusion of sinfulness, powerlessness and unworthiness. True forgiveness is looking past the actions of the wounded ego to the god self inside and offering them the love they need to heal. Most of all, true forgiveness is rediscovering who we are, learning to look with the eyes of grace. In true forgiveness we are transformed, because in seeing through the illusions of their pain ridden mind, we learn to see the illusions of our own. the opporunity in forgiveness is the opportunity to say 'Thank you for giving me the chance to rediscover grace, in a world beset by the illusion of sin".

The reality is that we all do bad things, and it doesn't matter how severe or mild they are. The act of murder is in fact no more or less violent than the act of a harsh and unloving remark, because they are sourced in exactly the same place. All acts of lovelessness comes from a disconnection between us and grace. Every crime against another is a crime against life, and every act stems from the belief that what we are is something less than the child of a loving God. Every judgement is a condemnation to hell, because its intent is to say that the other person is somehow unworthy of love, of grace, of forgiveness.

But what about those who commit the truly unforgiveable crimes? Those who abuse children, destroy entire species, commit murder on a massive scale? how can there crimes be no worse, no less forgiveable than ours? How indeed. Well, these people didn't get to where they are by themselves. The child abuser was themselves abused, which means that someone else dit it to them, and a whole bunch of other people failed to protect them by turning a blind eye, and an entire society failed to heal them when the early warnings signs showed up. It means that hundreds of people chose to allow their suffering to continue, chose to take care of themselves with total indifference to the plight of another.

Similarly, the CEO who's company destroyed a precious habitat did not do it alone. He was trained and conditioned towards greed, fear and carelessness from an early age. He was lauded and applauded for his ability to compete, to be stronger than others and indifferent to their pain. His shareholders demanded of him that he produce ever greater profits so that they might make money without having to work for it. His society required him to be succesful in order that he might be loved and rewarded. No one is born a child abuser, or a conqueror or a serial killer. They are made that way by a world full of lovelessness and the illusion of sin. They are shaped and moulded by the family and the society they came into with 360 degree innocence and trust. They are created - by US.

So when I find myself looking for someone else to blame, some other soul to condemn for the pain and the blood of this world, I have a choice to make. Do I add one more blow to the lovelessness of the world, one more burden of pain for them to bear on my behalf, or do take this opportunity to bring love and healing. Do I take revenge, or do I offer forgiveness. Do I convince myself that I could never be that person, or do I recognise that given the same life experience as them, I would be the one standing condemned, by me. There but for the grace of God, go I.

My ultimate choice is this, do I create even more darkness and perpetuate this cycle of suffering, or ask grace to show me how I might become the light that ends it. We'll, sometimes I do the former, and sometimes the latter. When I remember, when I stop for a moment and seek in myself the understanding and compassion that I would hope others would offer me, I discover that there truly is no crime greater than another, no unforgiveable sin, for they are all the one thing, the acting out of the terrible pain that comes when we believe that we are separate from grace. Revenge, punishment and condemnation are not the solution. They are what caused the problem. In offering others forgiveness, in choosing to see the grace that is who who they truly are, I give them the opportunity to forgive those thigns that were done to them, and myself the chance to learn who I truly am.

In the Kahuna teachings of the Hawaiian people there is a very old tradition. When faced with a person who has committed great harm, the shaman/healer would walk up to them and say simply this, over and over again. "I'm sorry, please forgive me".

Now that's grace.

What a Shame

2008-08-05T06:07:00.000-07:00

In my last blog I promised to talk about the process of recovering from a state of toxic shame, which is how John Bradshaw (psychologist and author) describes the common state of distorted identity that separates us from our natural grace. In his book 'healing the shame that binds you' (see my picks) he talks about the difference between our natural healthy feelings of shame and unhealthy feelings of toxic shame, which is poisonous to our wellbeing. Natural Shame is the feeling that arises in us when we are thinking or acting in a way that is against our innate values. This could be that we are behaving dishonestly or destructively to ourself or another, or it could be that we are failing to live up to out potential in life. All of us have feelings of natural shame which guide us in living a fulfilling and responsible life.

Toxic Shame is the result of other peoples values, negative messages and expectations being imposed on us. This is done (usually not deliberately) by parents, teachers, society, religion, media and peer groups. Very few of us in the modern world escape the traumatic effects of toxic shame in our lives. The effects can vary greatly from a mild lack of self esteem to serious mental disorders and behavioural problems. The majority of people are somewhere in the middle, usually suffering under the burden of addiction and self limiting beliefs, but able to function well enough to survive and begin a process of recovery.

Toxic shame creates what Bradshaw calls a 'shame bind'. This is a no win "damned if you do and damned if you don't" situation. If we comply with the imposed values and expectations we feel ashamed because we are not living our true values and potential. If we do not comply we feel ashamed because we are acting against the imposed values. Either action leads us to pain, forcing many people to live a life where they are constantly trying to reduce the risk of shame though a complex balancing act of self limitation. I call this emotional fence sitting. Of course the problem with sitting on fences is that you end up with a sore arse.

What this leads to is a state where we often dissociate from shame all together, to avoid the experience of this painful and seemingly unresolvable emotional state. In the milder cases this leads to a sort of emotional numbness that results in living a passionless and neurotic life, often leading to depression and apathy. In severe cases it manifests as psychopathic and other pathological behaviours like violence, criminality, drug abuse, excessive promiscuity and so on. Bradshaw calls these two ends of the spectrum living shamefully or shamelessly. Whichever the case is, recovery involves a process of undoing the imposed state of toxic shame and rediscovering the gift of natural shame in ourselves.

Another effect of toxic shame is the impact it has on our self concept. Typically people who are suffering from toxic shame binding have an 'all or nothing' view of themselves. In their own minds they flip between fantasies of being either super human or totally worthless. There is no permission in their self esteem to be somewhere in the middle, another human being who, though no better than others, still has their unique and valuable contribution to make to life. This is a dreadful bind to be in, a belief that if I'm not making superhuman achievements (which are impossible) I'm completely useless and unloveable. Wow, what a setup for feelings of failure and self hatred. Again, this can vary in severity from unrealistic goals and over achievement behaviours to total life paralysis where no action is taken.

Toxic shame is most evident in the extraordinary incidence of addiction we find in our society. Pretty much everyone is doing it. We are addicted to drugs, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, adrenalin, television, work, romance, video games, sex, food, sport and so on. All addictions serve the same basic purpose, numbing out our uncomfortable feelings and stimulating our bodies into an excited state that overides the pain. They are coping mechanism's, self medicating practices that help us to survive until we can discover the will and resources to deal with the toxic feelings underneath. In themselves, addictions are not the problem and need to be treated with understanding and compassion. If we beat ourselves up for our addictions we are simply adding to the shame and worthlessness we feel. A kinder and more effective approach is to recognise the addiction as the symptom of our distress, and use it as a gateway to the healing work we need to do.

Undoing toxic shame is rarely easy, and takes courage and determination. The worst thing to do is trying to do it alone. Toxic shame does it best to hide from others, and healing it requires that we expose ourselves to the loving presence that we are unable to provide for ourselves when we are shame bound. This can be through a therapist, a support group, a twelve step program (which are designed exactly for this purpose), a spiritual practice or any number of healing programs and workshops. Ultimately, we are exposing ourselves to the opportunity for grace to enter into our heart and heal our illusions of wrongness. It's not easy work, and it requires that we give up our attempts to avoid, deny and hide the shame that we feel, but the freedom and joy it brings far outweighs the pain we have to go through.

Shame off you.

EGO is not a dirty word

2008-07-30T20:18:00.000-07:00

I've made several references to the idea that our 'distorted ego mind' is what separates us from the awareness of grace. In many schools of thought the poor old ego is blamed for pretty much every moment of suffering we experience. I want to clarify that the ego is not actually at fault for the current human condition, it's as much a victim of the situation as anthing else. The problem is what happens to distort the ego when it emerges in a society that actively works to disconnect it from reality.

What is the Ego?

Sigmund Freud first gave us the modern conception of the ego. He divided human consciousness into three segments called the Id, The Ego and the Super Ego. The Id represents our instinctive and unconscious nature, our feelings, instincts, passions, and drives. He speculates that the id operates on the pleasure principle, seeking instant gratification for our various hungers, desires and impulses. He then posits that the Id is kept in check by the actions of the Ego, which operates on the 'reality principle', meaning that it adjusts our behaviours to the situation in order to avoid the problems that can occur if we were simply to act on every impulse. The Ego is partly in conscious awareness, and partly unconscious. Freud recognised that both the Id and the Ego were engaged in the same job, that of serving our interests and maximising our chance of getting our needs met. No problem so far.

Then we discover the Super ego. Freud allocated this the role of our conscience, that which constantly and critically examines our behaviours and thoughts against a 'moral' standard and try's to make us behave within the constraints of this ethos. This seems to be where the problem arises, the Ego ends up as the meat in the sandwhich, trying to serve two masters who seem eternally opposed to each other. The Id pushing for gratification and the Superego trying to constrain it with guilt and shame. It's unclear to me whether Freud believed that the superego was a natural and unavoidable development in consciousness, but I have come to believe that the presence of the super ego is a distorted emergence leading to what I'm calling the 'distorted ego mind'.

Freuds conception of the Id as being basically selfish and irresponsible, and therefore in need of constraint, seems to me to be essentially flawed. Certainly our passions drive us towards gratification, but our feelings also inform us of our limitations and our other needs. We come to organically understand that all of our actions have consequences and that those actions that are destructive also hurt us. It is through this that our Ego evolves in it's strategies for meeting our needs and naturally tempers the urgings of the Id with awareness and responsibility. One might say that they are are perfect team, with the Id supplying the destination and the Ego planning the journey.

The Super Ego on the other hand seems to be the result of imposed messages given to us by others, who wish to control our development and move us towards a destination of their choosing. Many modern cultures, particularly those who are being heavily influenced by religions, seem to be contructed to separate us from our natural relationship with the Id. they teach us that our instincts and our organic nature are not to be trusted. This leads to a situation where the Ego, in it's attempt to adapt to the prevailing environment, becomes dissociated from our innate faculties of feeling, desire and instinct. In doing so it becomes dissociated from grace, which is the source of these guiding and motivating forces. This leads to the emergence of a false 'self concept', an insane identity struggling to maintain itself in an insane world, and defend itself against the urgings of our true self (which it now believes to be the enemy).

This separation from our natural self leaves our ego floating rudderless in a sea of external messages. Without access to our feelings and instincts we are vulnerable to the manipulations and demands of others. We can no longer feel the right path for us and are constantly trying to make sense of a world map drawn by other hands. We are trying to navigate life without the benefit of our natural emotional compass. If we also accept ohter peoples conceptions of the divine, rather than trust our own innate relationship with it, we are sailing in a world where we cannot even see the stars for guidance.

The irony of course is that it is by complying with other peoples conceptions of 'The will of God' we become separated from our innate relationship with God's Will in us. Perhaps grace speaks to some through burning bushes, but for most of us it is through inner listening that we discover the truth. In fact, finding true grace requires of us that we reject these imposed mesages of sinfulness and shame to reconnect with our own being. We need to reconcile our Ego to our Id and remove the ever critical super ego from the throne of our consciousness. Jesus of Nazareth said that "to enter the kingdom of heaven, we must become as a small child", which is a lovely way of saying that we need to find the innocence that we once knew, before we were overcome by the impositions of others.

Ego really is not the problem. It is what happens to distort our ego that causes our suffering. Fortunately, through communion with grace this distortion is gently and irrevocably healed so that we can once more live in the flow of the true power and beauty of our being. This is a process that John Bradshaw calls 'recovering from toxic shame', which I'll be talking about in the next blog.

Grace be with you.

Grievance as Opportunity

2008-07-23T17:34:00.000-07:00

In the last blog (Grievance VS Grace) I explained what grievance was, and alluded to the idea that when we find ourselves in grievance we are actually facing an amazing opportunity for growth and happiness. Let me explain that a bit further. Sadly, most people on planet earth today are not walking around in a state of the awareness of grace, or the happiness that comes with that. Nor are we spending most of our time utterly miserable. The general status quo is one of a low level state of suffering and unconscious complaint. Most of us manage this with a range of stimulants (caffeine, cigarettes, alcohol) and distractions (tv, reading, radio) that keep our true state at an unconscious level. In this way life limps along from one shade of gray to the next with just a few moments of either joy or misery breaking the surface into our conscious awareness.

It is these moments (when we are paying attention to our internal state) that are the doorways to reconnecting with the grace that transforms our life. One well known teacher of grace by the name of Papaji once made the comment that "it is hard to wake up from a pleasant dream", meaning that in those fleeting moments of joy and comfort in our life we lack the motivation to seek a deeper experience. It is our suffering that makes us question the status quo. It is misery that provide us the motivation and the opportunity to discover something more. The trick is to learn to recognise these opportunities for what they are, rather than trying to minimise and avoid them.

These moments of grievance, stress and suffering usually involve some sort of emotional pain, physical discomfort and psychological disturbance. It is however important to understand that these things are not actually the cause of the suffering. Our suffering and stress are the result of how we respond to these events, how we are being 'with' them. When we are living in the belief that we have the power to meet these events and resolve them, there is no suffering, just a natural move to action. When we believe that we are powerless in relation to them, we suffer and resist. From this context there are a number of ways in which we can view these moments as opportunities.

(1) Reclaiming Power & Transcending Limitation.

Whenever we are suffering we are in the grip of a delusion of powerlessness. We have forgotten the truth of who we are, which is Human Beings (def: Hu-man - God Manifest). Instead, we have bought into an identity of limitation that has us at the mercy of the world. These moments of suffering give us the opportunity to question our own minds and rediscover the truth about ourselves and our true power. One of the most effective methods for doing this has been given to us by an extraordinary teacher of Grace called Byron Katie. You can access her work for free at http://www.thework.com/

(2) Resolving Trauma

In future blogs I will be talking in more depth about the nature of human trauma, but for now I'll define it as 'undigested emotional experience'. When we have an experience that we are unable to naturally 'process out', whether because the situation is not safe or because it is simply overwhelmingly intense, the emotional energy gets locked in our body. Our body mind responds to this trauma much the same way it would to a foreign object in a wound. It isolates it from the surrounding energy by contracting around it and diverting our psyche away from it. This usually results in chronic tension, distorted behaviours and self limitation to avoid re triggering the held trauma. If we wish to become once more healthy and fully alive, we need to release this trapped trauma and resolve the event that caused it.

The Grace within us wants us to be whole and happy, and tries to achieve this by recreating situations that are similar to the ones that caused this original trauma and pain. Thus much of our suffering is repetitive, the same emotional triggers over and over again, until we stop resisting the experience and embrace the opportunity to finally free ourselves from this old trauma.

(3) Rediscovering Grace

The king of all opportunities is this one - the chance to reconnect with the grace inside us and discover who we are beyond our limited and sick identities. All suffering arises from the disconnection that occurs between our ego mind and our natural state of grace. If we can learn to recognise suffering for what it is, it becomes the signal that tells us to reconnect. It informs us that we have become lost in a dark delusion of being separate from God. In that moment we can respond by seeking the grace inside us in whatever way works for you (prayer, meditation, centering, breathing, gratitude, etc) and once more discover the joy that exists in every moment.

The great part about this response is that it naturally incorporates all of the others. When we once more become aware of grace all our delusions naturally dissolve. When we reconnect, our traumas naturally begin to heal and release with an ease that is remarkable.

Nobody wants to suffer, that's why we try to avoid it and numb it with addiction and distraction. Unfortunately, these things do not resolve it but only extend it into the future. It is through embracing the opportunity which our suffering presents that we can become truly free. The opportunity to surrender to the grace and the truth inside us.

Blessings

Grace VS Grievance

2008-07-15T03:32:00.000-07:00

The book "A Course in Miracles" explains that what takes us away from the 'awareness' of grace (because we can never be truly taken away from the reality of it) is a Little thing we do that it calls GRIEVANCE. Essentially, this means that we look at our reality and judge it to be 'not right' in some way.

Grievance can take a great many forms, including complaint, self pity, believing that we need to change things, and trying to take control of events. It can also be found in a great many of the 'new age' philosophies like positive thinking, creative visualisation, 'creating your own reality' and some of the resurrected older philosophies like spell casting. Even the act of praying can be a form of grievance if we are asking the divine to make our life different in some way. That isn't to say that these things are necessarily based in grievance, because we do them naturally all the time. Most everybody finds themselves daydreaming possibilities for their future and motivating themselves to action with bright imaginings of the things to come.

However, usually when people sit down to consciously try to apply these techniques they are doing it because they have decided that something in their world needs to change, that something is not right. So, what's the problem with grievance? Well, this is a classic example of the distorted egoic mind trying to make itself the boss in life. Its attempting to usurp the role of the natural faculties of feelings, intuition and inspiration, which are the ways that grace guides us in life. Through our natural sense of attraction, desire and excitement we are guided to follow the path that is right for us. Through our natural feelings, aversions and pain responses we are guided to avoid that which is harmful to us. When we are aligned with these natural events, we have no need for grievance, no need to resist our reality, because we are able to 'gracefully' respond to it.

It can be hard to tell the difference between grace and grievance because grievance often takes these natural signals and uses them as evidence for its attempt to take control. For instance, if I am in a career that is unfulfilling to me I will feel naturally dissatisfied and want to move towards something else that attracts me more. My distorted ego can take this and turn it into a 'problem' which it has to sort out, rather than allow the normal flow that would bring graceful change. When this happens I have stopped responding and started reacting to the situation, I have stopped trusting in grace.

Tricky isn't it? Do not worry though, 'A course in Miracles' also offers us the sure way to tell the difference, what it calls the test of truth. It states that the truth will always leave you feeling fearless and peaceful. In other words, you can always tell when you are in grievance because it always carries a sense of stress and suffering with it. From a place of grace we know ourself to be powerful and creative. From a place of grievance, we believe ourself to be vulnerable, powerless and at the effect of life.

The obvious question now is how do we return to a state of grace? the first step is to recognise that we are in grievance, and to understand that the suffering we are going through is not because of the situation, but because of the way that we are seeing it. To echo the words of Echarte Toll (in his book 'A New Earth'), "the minute you can recognise that you are insane, you are just a little bit saner".

The second step is to recognise that grievance give me an opportunity to bring love present to my reality. Grievance is the act of resisting reality, which denies the situation the energy that is needed to continue it's natural evolution. There's an old saying, " what you resist persists". I believe that this perfectly defines the effect of grievance. When I judge and resist my reality I am attempting to create distance between it and me. I do this because I believe that reality has the power to threaten and harm me. While ever I believe myself to be less powerful than the situation, I negate my natural creative resources and give my power away.

The completion of that saying is "what you embrace, evolves". When I meet my reality with love, I transform the consciousness in myself that is bringing that reality into being. I rediscover my power and I am once more aligned with my natural resourcefulness and creativity. From this 'grace place' I organically come to understand the lessons and opportunities being presented, and to heal my perceptions of self limitation. When I respond with love I once more recognise that I am the power in this situation.

If the above ideas make sense to you this naturally leads to the question of "how do we respond with love"? There are many forms of love, but one of the most powerful for me is an attitude of gratitude. Gratitude is a funny thing, the more I do it the more I realise just what I have to be grateful for, which leads me to do it more. I had a very strong experience of the power of gratitude about ten years ago. For over 12 years I had been working in hospitality, of which 11 were spent in a state of grievance and resistance. I hated my job, seeing it as demeaning, unchallenging and beneath my potential. For 11 years I had been unsuccessfully trying to get out of it.

One day I grew tired of constantly complaining to myself and decided that it wasn't really all that bad. I was well paid, worked hours I mostly enjoyed, was making a valuable contribution to other peoples enjoyment of life, and wasn't harming anyone. I resolved to appreciate my work, to be grateful for what it gave me. That day turned out to be my last shift in hospitality. Two days later I found myself working in a completely different field and my life underwent radical change in every area, without me doing a thing. After fifteen years of struggling to 'get out' I discovered that I had to 'get in' before any thing could change. I finally stopped resisting my reality, and it rapidly evolved in directions as yet undreamed by me.

In my next posting I will talk more about how grievance gives us an opportunity to grow, heal and find fulfilment. For now, I'd like to finish with the invitation to see what happens when you stop believing those thoughts of grievance and limitation and meet your reality and yourself with a choice for gratitude, which is another word for an attitude of grace.

Together we rise.

Adam Blanch

Who's the Boss?

2008-07-07T16:47:00.000-07:00

Grace doesn't surprise me anymore. I see it all the time, in a thousand moments a day. What does surprise and fascinate me is how we as human being are able to make ourselves blind to it. Despite the riot of wonder and amazement that is everyday reality, so many of us manage to get from sunup to sleep without ever leaving our self created world of suffering and fear. It's exhausting, requiring a constant state of fixation on thoughts of problems and paucity.

From what I've observed, the mechanism of this fixation goes something like this. We imagine a big bad world full of struggles, enemies and difficulty which is set in opposition to poor little us with our limited powers and inadequate abilities (also an imagining). Then we go about trying to figure out how to overcome them and meet our needs, despite the fact that we've already decided we probably won't succeed. Holy shit, no wonder half the population is on Zoloft.

So, a little reality check can be helpful. I'm told that the conscious mind, which seems to be the part of us that is doing all this imagining, can process up to seven plus or minus two (7 +/- 2) pieces of information per second. Not bad really, faster than your average computer. However, they have recently built a computer that is capable of doing a pettiflop, which sounds like a bad experience from a high diving board, but is actually the ability to process one trillion pieces of information per second. Wow, this seems pretty impressive, until you realise that it is still an order of magnitude below what the human brain is doing. In other words, our noggins are doing ten trillion processes per second.

So, if our conscious mind is doing between five and nine processes per second, but our brains are doing ten trillion processes per second, what's going on in the unconscious? Well, heaps and heaps. In every second your brain is managing to keep you breathing, sweating, digesting, balancing, and assimilating gigabytes of visual, audial and sensory information. Just keeping you from falling flat on your face requires the monitoring of thousands of biofeedback signals and the movement of hundreds of muscles - a constant program of incredibly sophisticated adjustment. In every second you are literally doing thousands of actions, without having to pay attention to any of them.

It reminds me of the old joke about the Blonde (gender unspecified) who was always wearing earphones. Finally one of his/her coworkers got curious about what she/he was listening to and took them off his/her head. The blonde immediately dropped dead, and when the coworker put the earphones on they heard "breathe in, breathe out, breathe in.....". I'm allowed to tell this joke because I'm a blonde. Political correctness notwithstanding, its a good illustration of two things. One, it's a good thing we don't have to think about our basic body processes. Two, English really needs a gender neutral pronoun to deal with the modern age.

Jokes aside, if you think about what is really going on in your personal reality each second it becomes a little absurd when you conscious mind pops up and says "I'm in charge here". In the time it took you to read this your brain/body has performed millions of actions, and your conscious mind is still somewhere back there going "ooooooh ten trillion, that a really big number". The idea that we are in charge of anything at all is so ridiculous it's laughable. Yet this is the idea that most people go through their day with. "I have to take charge, to sort it all out, to solve this problem called life".

The bad new is that we really can't. We (our conscious mind/ego) can't even make ourselves breathe properly, let alone manage the untold trillions of actions we need to perform each day. If we can't even manage to keep ourselves running, how are we to handle the innumerable complexities of what's going on outside our skin. The truth is that life is simply beyond our control and our understanding. Seven plus or minus two just doesn't cut it.

The good new is that we don't have to. Life looks after itself the same way our body does. We exist within a field of infinite intelligence, and it's got it sorted. If we are smart we eventually learn to give up, to stop trying to take control of our life and let our life take control of us. Personal growth is not an action of becoming something greater that we currently are. It's an action of allowing our greatness to make itself known. If we are smart, we learn to stop fighting with ourselves and start cooperating with that which is trying to emerge. If we are smart, we learn that we aren't as smart as we may think we are.

The conscious mind has it's place, and is indeed intended to make choices and decisions, but if those choices are against the natural flow of our being it really doesn't work. It's useful to think of it like an iceberg, the visible emergence of a far greater weight of intelligence below the surface. The problems occurs when we think that our conscious mind is somehow separate and dominant, that it's in charge of things. The reality is that the iceberg will always go with the flow, following the deep currents of life. If we think that we should be going in another direction, then we simply create an experience of frustration and stress for ourselves. If we trust what is beneath the surface and concentrate on enjoying the journey, life becomes an adventure in curiosity and learning, not a pointless struggle for a control that is simply unachievable.

Well, that's how I see it these days. Grace doesn't surprise me anymore, but the things we do to fight it leave me amazed.

Peace be with you.

Grumble Theory - becoming and being

2008-06-23T05:39:00.000-07:00

One of my favourite theorists about the human condition is a man called Abraham Maslow, who many consider the father of the human potential movement in the west. In 1957 he wrote a book called "Personality and Motivation", in which he introduced his famous 'hierarchy of needs'. This theory expounds the idea that all human being have six basic needs which are organised in an innate order of importance.

They start with our need for safety and survival, then love and connection, freedom and autonomy, community and contribution, significance and recognition and finally self actualisation. I tend to believe that there is a seventh discreet need for transcendence which he tended to lump in with self actualisation. He speculates that all human behaviours are strategies to meet these needs. This philosophy led to the emergence of Maslow's grumble theory which says that we are continually engaged in a natural process of growth. As we succeed in meeting one of our needs our satisfaction is very short lived, soon to be replaced by the dissatisfaction of not having met the next one up the ladder. Through this mechanism we remain motivated to continue learning and becoming, to be all that we are capable of.

I don't know about you, but it seems pretty accurate to me. I think that I'm like everybody else in that I can work my tush off to achieve that latest goal, buy the latest toy, woo the latest romantic partner and so on, only to discover that my joy in succeeding is very short lived and quickly gives rise to a new goal. The thing that I firmly believed would make me happy almost instantly becomes meaningless. I climb to the top of one mountain to discover that the view is of another mountain, even higher and more challenging, which quickly demands my attention.

In many eastern philosophies they deal with this by advocating a path of renunciation. If the things of this world can only bring such fleeting happiness, then bother no more with this paradigm of becoming, and turn your attention only to the world of being. It seems logical, but it has never sat well with me. I believe that there is a middle path, a paradigm of both becoming and being. Perhaps even, becoming through being.

So what does that mean? Well' it starts for me with acceptance of the value of becoming. I am a human, and I will always be driven to learn, expand, achieve and experience the vast variety of treasures this world has to offer. There is great joy in this, great challenge and excitement, and it only becomes a problem for me when I attach to it the expectation that it will make me happy. In fact, it seems the only thing that achieving my goals will really do is lead me to greater dissatisfaction, to the need to tackle higher mountains. There is no end, no point in the journey at which I may declare myself finished and bask in the glory of my achievement.

So if the achievements and delights of this world will never make me happy, and expecting them to leaves me feeling miserable and disappointed, what am I to do? Perhaps the answer lies not in the destination, but in the enjoyment of the journey. I like to think of as the approach of a master craftsman. Imagine being a master furniture maker, knowing that in the moment that you complete your current work it will be sold to another, never to be seen again. It will travel to anther's home where it may be cherished, or it could be trashed and abused. Eventually, no matter how perfectly it is made, time will take it's toll and your fine creation will deteriorate and crumble.

What then is the point of your work? why give it so mush effort and love, when it's going to end up in exactly the same state as the trash you buy from IKEA? If you ask such a person I believe that they will tell you it is not the result, which provides but a fleeting pleasure, but the process which makes it all worth while. It is the act of giving yourself completely to your creation, of loving and caring, of surrender to the inspiration inside, that really brings happiness. It is not what you are doing, but how you are doing it, how you are being in your doing.

Or so it is for me. When I drop the expectation that happiness will come from the result, and allow myself to be fully immersed in the action and the moment at hand, I discover that I AM happy. When I remember to give all my love, all my attention, all my integrity to what I am doing, it ceases to matter what the future holds. From this place I am still engaged in the action of becoming, but I am am doing it from a place of being, from grace. From here, becoming becomes easy, a joyful adventure in the now, rather than a desperate struggle for a happiness at some point in the future. That way the next mountain does not lessen the joy of this one, but shows up as a new opportunity for doing what I love - living.

Martin Luther King Junior said "whatsoever you do, whatever your job, do it to the best of your ability". I think he knew the secret of being.

Peace & blessings

Adam Blanch

In the beginning

2008-06-21T02:19:00.000-07:00

So, blog No 1. the big numero uno, the first word.

This is a blog about my ongoing quest to live my live from a place of Passion & Grace. Which leads to the obvious question - what exactly is grace (passion being fairy self explanatory)? Don't get me wrong, I'm not on some sort of religious trip with this. Grace, for me, is a very direct and real experience - that moment when I find myself inexplicably at peace, unfettered by fears, worries and striving. I think everyone has had this experience at some point in their life, I just became fascinated by it, mainly because it feels so darn good.

I'm not sure when I first became consiously aware of it, but one of the earliest 'standout' experiences for me was in my early twenty's. I was involved in a failing business, which had beggared me to the point where I really didn't know where the next meal was coming from. I remember walking up the street in Crowsnest, Sydney, in a state of complete panic and stress. My head was swimming with a fog of fear and dark imaginings and I felt utterly sick to my stomach. At some point, a small black and white cat came out of it's yard and started walking beside me. Normally I would stop to give the little fella a pat, but I was so involved in my self pity that I chose to ignore him. Nevertheless he kept following me, in fact he crossed two busy city roads to keep up. Eventually I sucumbed to the pressure and stopped to give him some attention. After only a short while he got up, turned around and started back towards his house. As I watched him deftly weaving between speeding cars I remember thinking what a strange thing it was for a cat to do.

Half a block later I suddenly realised that I was no longer suffering from fear and worry, in fact I was joyfully humming a tune and enjoying the sunshine. Nothing about my situation had changed, I still didn't have a clue what to do about eating that night, but it no longer seemed to be a problem. I realised that something had moved that cat to be my saving Angel, something I didn't understand that was obviously beyond my everyday experience of life.

That something is what I call Grace, and the older I get the more I realise that it underpinss my entire existence. Each and every day of my life is filled with it, and the more I become aware of it the more joyful, passionate and 'graceful' my life becomes. I've learnt to understand over the ensuing years that grace is not some random, or even unusual occurrence. It is a deep well of power, the vital force in my life that is attempting to move me to happiness and fulfillment, if only I can get out my own way. It asks nothing of me beyond my trust, makes no demands, renders no judgements and requires no payment. And all I have to do to enjoy its gifts is to recognise it, to see life through eyes of gratitude, appreciation and curiosity.

So, is my life a perfect unfolding of joy? Not at all, I face the same challenges and trials as everyone else does. However, when I 'remember to remember grace', I find that I face those challenges from a very different and more empowered place. It strikes me that Grace is the opposite of Stress. Stress arises for me when I'm believing that somehow I do not have the power to meet those challenges, that I'm outmatched by life. Grace is the recognition that my life is driven by a power far deeper than my conscious mind and more vast than I can imagine. The same power that makes my body breathe in and out, that makes rivers run, birds fly and stars turn in the heavens in feats of impossibly complex perfection.

I do have to give some thing up to find grace in my life though. Things like arrogance, control, aggression, defensiveness and fairytale fantasies of perfect futures planned by yours truly. this was brought home to me on my 30th birthday, when I sat down and reviewed the last twelve years of my life as a self responsible adult. It became clear to me that absolutely none of the plans I had made for my life had come to fruition. This disturbed me for a minute, until I realised that my life had been far richer and more interesting than any of my plans would have been, and that I was a better person for it. I decided then and there to treat my dreams and plans with a degree of skepticism, and stay open to the possibility that my life was a greater adventure than I knew.

So, a little introduction to the grace that I find in my life. In writing this Blog I hope to achieve two things. Firstly, to keep myself in the practice of surrendering to grace and secondly, to share with whomever is interested the little moments of insight and joy that enrich my life (and hopefully yours) when I live my life from passion and grace.
Blessings

Adam Blanch